Dermatillomania and rechecking bwhaviour?(kinda makes me suicidal)

[Niccccc]

I pick my lips since around 12 but now it has gotten worse.I can't really stop picking them or maybe I don't want to stop.this rechecking behaviour i can relate to my schoolwork.For example,the teacher writes something on the whiteboard.I have to recheck a couple pf times whether i copied it right.Another painful example is during math class.So i sit at the back and then the teacher writes too tiny.I can still make out the numbers.But,my brain still has to make sure its right and check my desk mates' answer with what i copied down from what i " saw" from the whiteboard. So ,I know i can move it front of the class but i just hesitate to do so.So,3 days later ,I'm still thinking about the same math issue.The uncertainty that maybe i copied it wrongly.Is this ocd.The fact that i keep thinking about it till the point that I wanted to not exist or even die.Don't judge me.I know it's ridiculous.A normal person would probably forget about it the minute they write the answer and move on with their lives.Another example is me yesterday couldnt  wear what i wanted because i thought everybody would be wearing jeans  so i wore them .But,when i saw some of my friends  wearing shorts ,I keep thinkjng about the fact that I didn't stay true to myself and that I am no longer myself if I don't wear the shorts and  shoes I wanted.Thinking about it has affectd my social skills i think ,or maybe I am just socially inept.come to think of it,I seem to have this rechecking behaviour all my life.It just got worse when i turned almost 16  years old.I dont like my ocd brain,it's kinda ruining the things that I  have previously enjoyed.And  i somehow have issues accepting my past,my past was not really  a happy one.Because of this,I want to be happy now.But ,my brain is stopping me from achieving this!!!!I'm really frustrated and annoyed.I would go to a psychiatrist but I don't want to waste my mom's money as I attend a really expensive school plus,I attended a phsychiatrist last time before when I had other issues and it didn't really help I think.I want to be able to erase my memories and replace them with nice ones. Oh and my brain is really weird,when I'm studying my brain will ask why am i studying then i reply just in case i neither panic nor not panic.I say neither panic nor not panic because because i dont want to say just in case i panic.Probably,because i think if i say that i ill really panic.Oh i sometimes also have the need to make freaking sure of some stuff.Soory  this is one long and messy paragraph.Hope you kinda understood it.My mind is all over the place.I know if i resolve all  these issues ,my life will be great  once again.Thank you for your time.This is kinda a rant instead instead of a question. dont know anymore.