Please do not post threads FAO Individual users

[Ashley]

When we need support with our OCD and when feeling desperate it's only natural to reach out to someone who may have helped us before, so we might create a forum topic, 'FAO of XYZ - please help'.  In recent weeks I have seen a few of these pop up, which I have promptly removed or edited the thread title.

The reason we remove these is for the simple reason, the person the topic is intended for may well choose to log on to the forum and reply to the person in need. But the key word there was underlined, it was choose. Most of us on here are sufferers, some doing better than others of course, but nobody should come on the forum and suddenly be expected to have to reply to multiple topics.  It could be that today is the day they came on the forum because they are struggling, and they need help.  

The beauty of the forum is that we are there to help and support each other, a team, a community of people so by all means when feeling desperate create a thread asking for help, but please don't direct it at one individual. If the person that helped you before chooses to reply later, then that's fine because they felt they wanted to reply, not because they felt pressured to reply.

[Guest ashipinharbor]

Just out of curiosity, what does FAO stand for?

[Caramoole]

For The Attention Of

[Guest ashipinharbor]

9 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

For The Attention Of

Ah, I see

[PolarBear]

It puts some pressure on the recipient that, "Oh my, this is targeted at me. I better answer it very well." Better to put it out to the whole clan and let those who want, and can, to answer do so.

[Guest ashipinharbor]

6 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

It puts some pressure on the recipient that, "Oh my, this is targeted at me. I better answer it very well." Better to put it out to the whole clan and let those who want, and can, to answer do so.

I did make a FAO thread for you, PB, because you've been through the same stuff I have, and was curious for your input.

But, I see how it was unfair.

I apologize, and will refrain from now on.

 

[Caramoole]

The same applies to sending Private Messages, that too can put undue pressure on others.  It is something we recommend that members don't do for advice.  Sometimes, although well-intentioned the advice may not be strictly correct, there's a huge element of reassurance invloved to name just a couple of problems.  Always best to post on the main forum with a general thread title

[PolarBear]

I agree. I am not perfect and I want others to read my posts and perhaps suggest something different. It's how we all learn from one another.

[Guest ashipinharbor]

15 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

The same applies to sending Private Messages, that too can put undue pressure on others.  It is something we recommend that members don't do for advice.  Sometimes, although well-intentioned the advice may not be strictly correct, there's a huge element of reassurance invloved to name just a couple of problems.  Always best to post on the main forum with a general thread title

 

12 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I agree. I am not perfect and I want others to read my posts and perhaps suggest something different. It's how we all learn from one another.

Fair enough, yeah!

[kittypurry]

To be honest I have seen some replies on here recently that have been just downright rude to the poster they are replying too. I completely agree that posts shouldn't be fao to certain members as it could make them feel pressured and even stressed to reply. However I do agree with Jessie that the forum could do with becoming more approachable in light of the way some replies are phrased and addressed. I think it's important to be mindful of how things might be taken over the Internet. I think the forums should be somewhere where users can post whatever is troubling them. And even if it's not something we may understand or have heard before. Patience and kindness should be paramount.  We don't want anyone coming here and feeling worse than they already do. 

[Ashley]

4 hours ago, Jessie_Loz said:

My only worry is people will hold back instead of asking for help.

It's how we have run the forum for a long time now, 10+ years so I really don't think people will hold back from posting a question on the forum just because they've been asked to not use the forum like social media.   There's lots and lots of brilliant people on the forum, so lets use all their combined skills and not pigeon hole a post for one individual person, who might be having a naff day themselves and would not want to see posts addressed to them that day.

[Ashley]

P.S. Of which you are one of those brilliant people with excellent advice

[Caramoole]

On 07/02/2017 at 10:39, Jessie_Loz said:

I am one who PM's not to seek reassurance or ask advice (unless its to a moderator/administrator) but i chat to people just general chit chat about our day, our kids, the weekend x

That's what the PM system is really for

[lostinme]

Using a forum is new to me, all though I don't use PM to anyone. When is it ok to PM a moderator or administrator ?

[Caramoole]

Up on the blue bar at the top you'll see a link that says "Contact The Mod Team"

On 07/02/2017 at 10:53, kittypurry said:

I think the forums should be somewhere where users can post whatever is troubling them

Yes and no to that one.  It's not the content of their trouble that's a problem, but a problem occurs when a someone constantly uses the forum in order to carry out compulsions despite many, many months (even years) of advice and support.  I don't believe it is right to let the forum be used this way, nor is it helpful to the sufferer. It becomes harmful. Ultimately, a sufferer has to utilise the skills they have been shown (both on the forum & by therapists).  No-one expects this to happen over-night, it's a long, hard journey, there will be pitfalls, there will be anxiety, there will be panics.....but...if we are to help, advice has to steadily applied.  There are only so many ways it can be described and yep, sometimes those offering advice will tell it as it is.  This is only when the sufferer doesn't take the advice on board and continues to re-post the same thing over and over without making any changes to address it.  I appreciate that to new users this may seem tough but it is actually never done with bad intent (any that are are removed)  

There are many OCD forums who dole out nothing but reassurance....that may comfort someone in the moment but will never help in the long run.  OCD-UK have many very experienced sufferers/non-sufferers who offer excellent advice.  Sometimes they are firm and to the point and sometimes that is necessary.  We want people to recover, face their OCD and reclaim their life back.

 

[biscuitcat]

I think the thing about posting FAO's is that we really don't want members of the forum to get upset when they don't get a reply, or for others to be discouraged from replying. You are less likely to click on a thread if it's directed at one member, when in fact you could have just the advice that person needs.

If a thread is directed at one member and that person doesn't reply for their own reasons, we don't want members to feel as though no-one cares. But it can definitely be misconstrued in this way when members feel vulnerable or down. And I have seen a few posts of members saying they want to leave because no-one cares, which is unfair. 

There's many reasons why members may not respond to a thread directed at them, as well as many reasons people visit these forums. Some are here to give advice, some may just want to use the members area, or check in. Some people may feel pressured by a thread directed at them. I think you can be firm and to the point as well as kind and patient. But there is a point where you have to say, we have been through this before.