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Obsessive checking online accounts


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Hi, I would really appreciate some advise please. My 22 yr old son has become obsessed with the thought of someone being able to access his details on various accounts, e.g. Old x box accounts that haven't been used for 5+ years, old email accounts, Subway shop loyalty card account, in fact every ac he has ever had he is constantly checking to see if there's a problem with it or if anyone could have accessed it for any reason. This happened previously about 4 yrs ago to do with his bank ac and that time I reassured him all was ok and I had done the checking so he didn't have to, but this time it was triggered by not being able to instantly delete an unwanted ac and having to wait a month to delete it so he feels powerless to stop thinking about it until it can be deleted, and his mind now is in overdrive thinking about every ac he has ever held and I can see how much he is struggling to stop the thinking and my reassurance that all is well is initially calming his thoughts then it starts back up again, I can see it escalating and it frightens me to think how helpless he seems to be to stop it happening. I've told my son to come to me every time he feels overwhelmed with worry and now if he isn't completely occupied at work or working out with a friend at the gym he is constantly obsessing about this. 

Has anyone come across this before? I'm at a complete loss as to how to help and desperately worried for his mental health. Thankyou for any advice you may have,   Courtney 

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Hi Courteney and welcome to the forum.

I can't say I've heard of this one before but OCD has so many faces it doesn't surprise me.

So the first thing you need to do, and you can talk openly to him about this, is stop giving him reassurance.

When someone seems stressed out, it is natural to want to offer reassurance, but for people with OCD it backfires. Reassurance seeking is a compulsion. All compulsions are done to try and alleviate the distress caused by intrusive thoughts. They offer temporary relief but they also draw attention to the thoughts and magnify them, making the situation worse. You will actually be doing him a favor by not offering reassurance about his accounts when he asks for it.

Your son also had to begin to realize that his other compulsion, checking his accounts, is not doing him any good either. Doing so reinforces the belief in his head that there was something wrong, that there is danger present, ensuring the thoughts come back strong in the future.

The way forward for him is to stop checking and stop reassurance seeking. I won't lie, it will be very hard to start. His anxiety will go up when he doesn't check but over time he will learn that his anxiety will come down on its own.

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Hi Courtney and welcome to the forum. :)

I agree with Polar Bear's advice to limit reassurance and to stop him checking his accounts. In addition it's helpful to get him to understand his fears are out of proportion the any actual risk, and that the consequences he fears are likely to be similarly 'over-imaginative'. 

It's a mixture of changing the checking/reassurance seeking behaviour and changing the skewed thinking behind his security fears so it is reset at more normal levels. 

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