Venting

[Guest ashipinharbor]

Just need to vent, really.

So, I've had some strange happenings, and I'm just frustrated at my OCD

Today, I was flooding/vomiting (a compulsion, I know) and I had an intrusive feeling like I wanted to think something, since I was flooding, I did, and I gagged, but then my OCD latched on to it and made me feel like I thought it to enjoy it, eveb though it made me gag (like, that was the point) and I think it perfectly illustrates OCD's fallacy. Making no sense, but scary enough that we consider it.

I also have this thing, where if I'm being triggered, I go into what I call an OCD panic, and start frantically making sure I don't think something bad. OCD takes this, and makes sure I do. And makes it feel deliberate. And, either simultaneously, or a second after, my brain will be, like, "No!" and try and force the thought away.

I was also watching a vid, and it had these girls, and you could see their rears. And I would keep my eyes away, but then my OCD would make me think I wanted to look there, and I think I did so, to spite my OCD, but my OCD tells me I did so to make the urge go away (it also told me I wanted to look there, as the urge disappeared when I did) but afterwards, my brain would be like "don't look down there!")

Also, when I was typing this, I got an intrusive thought that my brain wants to say was on purpose. But, I know it wasn't, because I'm not like that.

I don't know. I'm just tired of OCD's lies.

 

Edited February 24, 2017 by ashipinharbor

[Guest ashipinharbor]

I'm feeling better, now. Sorry for posting, again.

[Ashley]

Hi,  Glad you're feeling better.  Did you take on board what I said yesterday?  Only nothing appears to have changed.

[Guest ashipinharbor]

2 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Hi,  Glad you're feeling better.  Did you take on board what I said yesterday?  Only nothing appears to have changed.

I know, I know! I'm dreadfully sorry! I'm just in a state of panic. I will really, really try and do better, I swear to you!