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Analysing to the point of madness


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Lately I feel like I've been analysing everything I do think and feel. I go over everything and it's so tiring and frustrating. It's like I'm trying to peel back hidden layers of every thought. My mind almost feels like it's expecting a bad thought and when I recognise it a bad thought comes and then I can't get it unstuck. Everytime a new thought comes I can't let it go because I feel like I need to hold onto it, just in case it's something more. It's so frustrating and repetitive that I become a bit desensitised and that itself sends me into new waves of panic. Sometimes i feel like tearing my head open and taking everything out. It's just so difficult questioning your morality constantly. And yet I still don't feel I have OCD, I still feel anxious, I still don't think there's enough evidence, I want nothing more than to just be normal and not feel so guilty all the time but I can't. I'm stuck with this all the time. My brain has always analysed my thoughts but it's getting really bad again. I have therapy tomorrow and I hope there might be a way of helping. I'm just so self aware about everything I'm thinking that there's no peace.

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