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Can someone tell me what this is please?


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I don't think the mods are going to delete this thread. And they shouldn't.

We are asking you to face some tough realities; some things you haven't faced up until now. You can't run away from them. You can't make them go away.

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Polar bear I didnt dodge the question and I did say what I would do.

Please delete this thread it's too much. The worry is imense and I don't want to be worrying about this detailed thread aswell as everything else.

 

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I honestly don't think it's fair to the people who have spent loads of time and effort in producing detailed replies to help you Saz (and others going through similar issues) if this thread is just deleted and all of their hard work is gone.

I understand the urge you have to run away from everything. This thread is forcing you to confront your OCD which is generating anxiety, but the only way to beat OCD is to confront it head on and not run from it. Not facing up to it is what has led to you being stuck for all of these years. Deleting the thread would be an attempt to push the anxiety from your mind, but as we all know, trying to push the anxiety and the thoughts away is counterproductive.

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I'm afraid I'm not going to delete the thread Saz because the request is being made as an action to attempt to control your OCD anxiety.  It is exactly the same sort of behaviour as the person who requests that their partner takes their clothes off on the doorstep & takes a shower before they contaminate the house.  Whilst I can't stop you carrying out compulsions I 'm not going to be complicit with aiding and abetting them.

You're obviously doing lots of compulsions at the moment, constantly staying logged on the forum and looking for new replies, re-reading old replies (checking), thinking about & going over it in your head (rumination), still trying to resolve/remember you original doubt etc etc etc

You're not taking any action to challenge behaviours and change your response, hence you remain so stuck.  You constantly tell us you're trying but you're not, you're not trying to make changes in line with what's been recommended.  Your "trying"  involves putting up with the anxiety and trying to get through each day whilst continuing with behaviours that will ensure this Hellish existence remains.

You have a young family, you tell us what a good Mum you are......it's very clear that you are but you could be a much more content Mum, a much happier, relaxed one and that ultimately means a.better one who can enjoy each moment without being constantly eaten up by anxiety.

Self-help isn'"t working Saz, you"re not applying the advice, you won't buy a good book to work with, you don't properly understand the extent of how OCD can affect one.  I'm pretty certain that "Light Bulb" moment isn't going to happen via forum support alone.  You need to go back to your GP and ask for some help :)

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I agree with Caramoole 100%. I thought I could manage my OCD on my own for years like you have done, Saz. But it eventually got too much and I reluctantly went to my GP and got referred for CBT. The CBT changed my life however and I really regret not starting therapy sooner.

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I'm not constantly looking for replies. Im having conversations with yourself and other members and l look for support. I've been logged on at different hours than normal because I'm awake at all hours with the baby and after I've fed him etc it takes me a while to get back to sleep so I log on and might reply. Also at least I'm not logging on anonymously and hiding the fact I'm on the forum.

Don't delete the thread, I can see why you won't, but it's just another added worry for me. Like ill be worrying about this month's or years down the line as it's all public. 

I guess I really have come to the end of my time on he forum. 

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Saz it's really sad to see you react like this :( You are essentially throwing your toys out of the pram without really considering the validity of what's being said.  Stop, slow down and reread, really considering what's being said rather than viewing it through your OCD filter. 

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Stop worrying about the thread being online and DO something to help yourself.  You say you're looking for support....but what type of support?  Reassuring words or ways that you will apply to make gradual changes?  The evidence shows the former.

Make that GP appointment this next week and ask for help

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Come on Saz.  We're here to help and support you- you don't need to go.  As said above you need to try and get some more help.  This is eating away at you and unless you stop it you will really struggle further down the line.  I "coped" with mine for less time than you have before worrying about everything from my past pushed me over the edge.  I spent 3 months in hospital.  It was a really horrible time, and I'm still recovering, but I don't want you to have to go through that- especially with a young family.  Please try to get some help.  We're really here to support you but you need to take steps to help yourself... only you can take the first steps.

Edited by Binxy
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I don't mean to seem childish or like I'm being ungrateful. I just want this to go away, I know how much help I get, more than others. I'm not annoyed with you guys, I'm annoyed with myself. I'm completely consumed by this and have lost all perspective, worrying left right and centre over everything. Frightened to seek help again because I do have a young family and they are my best little friends in the world and the thought of there being a tiny miniscule chance that they would get took away because either I seem unstable or because of this stupid memory thing, then I just can't bring myself to do it.  I am crying again, tears rolling down my face. I can order the book, I'll do it right now and hope it helps a little. 

Binxy that must have been horrendous. I think we have similar 'false memories'. Keep on fighting x

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as no one told me whether it's okay to post a video on the forum, I'll post it anyway. Please delete this reply if it violates any forum rules. I have no affiliation with Mark Freeman whatsoever.

this video has helped me bunches in understanding compulsions and I hope it will help you too.

 

Edited by chaosed
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Saz, you did dodge the question. All you said is you would check into it. But in my scenario, just like yours, there was no way to check, no way to prove or disprove. You never answered the question of whether you would agree with your child punishing themselves forever, just in case they did something bad.

Yes, I'm backing you in a corner. I want you to seriously think of this. I want you to think whether you would subject your child to what you are subjecting yourself to.

Edited by PolarBear
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On Wednesday, March 22, 2017 at 15:56, PolarBear said:

Saz, you did dodge the question. All you said is you would check into it. But in my scenario, just like yours, there was no way to check, no way to prove or disprove. You never answered the question of whether you would agree with your child punishing themselves forever, just in case they did something bad.

Yes, I'm backing you in a corner. I want you to seriously think of this. I want you to think whether you would subject your child to what you are subjecting yourself to.

 

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I think you should really think about Polarbear's question Saz x

Of course I wouldn't want my child to punish themselves just in case. I would hope they would come and talk to me as I have told them they can always tell me anything at all that's troubling them, good or bad. The thing is if they had told me this, I would of perhaps tried to help them in finding out if there was any truth in the matter. Perhaps spoke to their friend telling them how worried and distressed they were. I'd be worried incase it were true to be honest and they just couldn't remember. My mum was concerned I was spiked.

That's my answer and it's the same as before.

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20 minutes ago, Saz said:

That's my answer and it's the same as before.

And the advice remains the same as before :(  You have 3 basic choices

1. You need to really do some reading about how OCD affects people and the range and extent of the type of things it makes people feel (including examples like yours).  You need to work on accepting that you can't find the certainty you crave.  You need to properly try to implement the advice even if you don't quite believe it, not now and again but every day.

2. You go back to your GP and ask to be referred to a therapist (which is what I would recommend)

3.  You have to work on acceptance and living with this as part of your life

There isn't a magic answer and it's unlikely that it will spontaneously disappear (given that you try and control it with compulsions), so the outlook isn't an optimistic one as things stand.  I have seen other forum members struggle for years like you, similarly finding it impossible to accept an OCD diagnosis and apply CBT.  They have eventually, when things got too much, resorted to seeking outside help.  With that help they started to recover.  How many years are you going to waste Saz?  How many years are you going to let pass that your little ones have a Mum who feels wretched and distraught every waking day?  Time passes so quickly and they are years you can't take back.  Isn't it worth it for all of you to get some proper help?

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38 minutes ago, Saz said:

My mum was concerned I was spiked.

I'm presuming that at the time your Mum had no knowledge of OCD, and as such, with such a bizarre disclosure it would seem a logical assumption to make.  But had she then done some reading and research about OCD it would/should have been easier to see why OCD can affect someone in this way.  Could your Mum or partner read one of the OCD books so that they could help you more effectively.

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2 hours ago, Caramoole said:

I'm presuming that at the time your Mum had no knowledge of OCD, and as such, with such a bizarre disclosure it would seem a logical assumption to make.  But had she then done some reading and research about OCD it would/should have been easier to see why OCD can affect someone in this way.  Could your Mum or partner read one of the OCD books so that they could help you more effectively.

My mum didn't know the full extent of my thought. I think I'd said I was worried I'd hurt someone young and she said don't be stupid. I said at that time i think I might have ocd and she said isn't that just when you clean and want things in order - so yes she did have a poor understanding of it. I think the reason she said spiked was because I was rally upset and couldn't remember things properly and had different images, it's understandable why she would think that to be honest. My partner has no idea about this (hard to believe I know) and we aren't great at the moment. Well I say not great, more like he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend and it's making me feel low (but that's another story), so don't want to speak to him about it.

2 hours ago, Caramoole said:

And the advice remains the same as before :(  You have 3 basic choices

1. You need to really do some reading about how OCD affects people and the range and extent of the type of things it makes people feel (including examples like yours).  You need to work on accepting that you can't find the certainty you crave.  You need to properly try to implement the advice even if you don't quite believe it, not now and again but every day.

2. You go back to your GP and ask to be referred to a therapist (which is what I would recommend)

3.  You have to work on acceptance and living with this as part of your life

There isn't a magic answer and it's unlikely that it will spontaneously disappear (given that you try and control it with compulsions), so the outlook isn't an optimistic one as things stand.  I have seen other forum members struggle for years like you, similarly finding it impossible to accept an OCD diagnosis and apply CBT.  They have eventually, when things got too much, resorted to seeking outside help.  With that help they started to recover.  How many years are you going to waste Saz?  How many years are you going to let pass that your little ones have a Mum who feels wretched and distraught every waking day?  Time passes so quickly and they are years you can't take back.  Isn't it worth it for all of you to get some proper help?

This makes me feel sad. You are right of course.

The books on order.

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I ordered the book but have noticed their is another one with a similar cover? I think its a junior one, can someone confirm this for me as I was going to order that one aswell as unfortunately my little boy seems to have inherited my anxious ways. Want to get him sorted before it gets worse. Feeling like a bad mum but I feel it must be in the genes so not entirely my fault but feel guilty and worried for him now x

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That's the one I've ordered but there is another one that has a slightly different cover and it says juniors and teens. Is it majorly different do you know?

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The other one looks to be written for 6-17 year olds.  I presume it's written in a way that's more understandable for youngsters, the principles will be the same.  I would stick with the adult version for now and see how you do with it yourself and then you can either use what you learn and help your Son in a way that's applicable for him.  You could always buy it at a later date.

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23 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

The other one looks to be written for 6-17 year olds.  I presume it's written in a way that's more understandable for youngsters, the principles will be the same.  I would stick with the adult version for now and see how you do with it yourself and then you can either use what you learn and help your Son in a way that's applicable for him.  You could always buy it at a later date.

Ok thanks for the advice.

My mum was talking to me the other day and we were talking about families etc and she said how you should love your family unconditionally...unless they are someone who hurts kids. As you can imagine this triggered me a lot. 

Edited by Saz
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