Can someone tell me what this is please?

[Saz]

Is the following ocd or generalised anxiety or someting else? 

A family member showed her health visitor a birth mark that her baby had developed not long after birth. The birth mark was very near the private area of the baby boy. It was a birth mark but the health visitor reported them to the hospital (or something similar) and lots of people/drs got involved because they were saying it was a bruise - it wasn't.  That poor mum and dad must have been terrified. I can't even imagine ...well I can actually because it send my anxiety through the roof. 

My new baby boy has got a pretty bad nappy rash and I'm really worried about taking him to the drs this afternoon now incase they think it's not nappy rash. I've already googled ' nappy rash' to compare. I know this isn't wise to do but when you here of things like I mentioned above happening it's no wonder people are petrified to ask for help. Just to add to my worry the nhs website says nappy rash in newborns doesn't really happen and it's only usually when they are a bit older. 

Part of me knows I'm overly worrying and I've perhaps been 'triggered' yet again by something I've heard but the other part says well look what happened to the family I know.

[Saz]

Anyone? 

[Caramoole]

9 minutes ago, Saz said:

Anyone? 

No Saz, I hope not.  As I've just said in my PM this is you carrying out compulsions to try and deal with your anxiety.  This is why the problem never goes away because as long as you try and handle things this way the OCD and panic will stay strong.  It would be wrong for people to try and help by offering you lots of reasons as to why this wouldn't happen.

Come on, work on those compulsions

[Caramoole]

3 hours ago, Saz said:

Part of me knows I'm overly worrying and I've perhaps been 'triggered' yet again by something I've heard

Start with that small part of you and build on it, that "part" is the bit you need to listen to and trust

[Saz]

Ok, im sorry, there is just so much to worry about in this wold and as a mum. 

[Caramoole]

6 minutes ago, Saz said:

Ok, im sorry, there is just so much to worry about in this wold and as a mum.

....and being a new Mum again won't be helping, for sure.......but unless you shut yourself in the house, burn the TV, computer and radio there'll be something in the news everyday, that's life, you can't avoid or control this.  What you can start to control is your reaction to it and keeping in mind why you're reacting so strongly.

[taurean]

Yep Caramoole and Jess are spot on. 

And if you and I went off to live on a remote island with no tvs radios or newspapers Saz, we'd probably be worrying and awfulising about some other little thing. 

Because that is how our version of this thing goes. 

It's not though what happens to us, or what we come across - or what the disorder whispers in our ear. 

It is all about how we respond to that. 

[Saz]

Hi all broke down in front of gp. Caramoole might understand why as I pm'd her earlier. I had a big panic after hearing of several stories related to social services, one including, someone I know so I couldn't avoid that. Then when I was sat in the surgery waiting room I seen a girl who I went to school with and she says she went a little while back to a walk in centre as she seen a small lump on babies head and they wouldn't let her leave and got social services involved - the baby had not been harmed in anyway. 

After hearing all this I was a wreck. I kind of got upset to my gp and told him as I was pretty worked up about hearing all of these stories. I told him how it had made me a bit worried to say things. My baby has a clicking ankle, he has had it since birth and i told the midwife and health visitor but they said babies do click. Dr said it seems fine but to mention it at my 6 week check up (understandably  im worrying after hearing all this stuff but of course i will mention). The gp himself and his wife had a visit from social services years ago as one of their children had an accident with boiling water. I hope he understands me but I'm worried now he thinks I'm really unstable and an easy target for ss. I'm terrified now of writing on here as I said to caramoole. However I know to avoid it would be a compulsion and so would having my account deleted. Today has drained the life out me and it's not even anything to do with my 'false memory'

[Caramoole]

8 minutes ago, Saz said:

Today has drained the life out me and it's not even anything to do with my 'false memory'

No it's not........so perhaps that should tell you something and help clarify that you suffer from OCD and anxiety of which the false memory stuff is a part!!

 

[Saz]

Just worried that by even mentioning the SS that I've made him think of them now and he's going to think I'm not normal. This is awful. I'm in the bath trying to relax but struggling 

[PolarBear]

You are wrong. This situation has everything to do with your false memory OCD. You have an anxiety disorder. Now whether this particular situation you're in is caused more by OCD or GAD is immaterial. The point is that you have an anxiety disorder and you let minor, inconsequential things blow up into huge deals and you fret and worry and ruminate over them, tying yourself up into knots. You're only one of about several thousand people here that that is applicable to.

It is not normal for a story from someone to kick your anxiety into high gear because it might be applicable to you. It's just not. It's a sign of an anxiety disorder and you need to realize that. There is nothing 'real' about any of this. It's an overblown reaction. It's always an overblown reaction with you, just like it is with so many other people. You need to start seeing that and realizing that. Every time (and I don't mean sometimes or the odd time) but every time you get this anxious reaction to something you see/hear, it's fake. It's totally and completely fake. Your reaction is blown all out of proportion and you get yourself worked up mightily for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Learn from that.

[Saz]

33 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You are wrong. This situation has everything to do with your false memory OCD. You have an anxiety disorder. Now whether this particular situation you're in is caused more by OCD or GAD is immaterial. The point is that you have an anxiety disorder and you let minor, inconsequential things blow up into huge deals and you fret and worry and ruminate over them, tying yourself up into knots. You're only one of about several thousand people here that that is applicable to.

It is not normal for a story from someone to kick your anxiety into high gear because it might be applicable to you. It's just not. It's a sign of an anxiety disorder and you need to realize that. There is nothing 'real' about any of this. It's an overblown reaction. It's always an overblown reaction with you, just like it is with so many other people. You need to start seeing that and realizing that. Every time (and I don't mean sometimes or the odd time) but every time you get this anxious reaction to something you see/hear, it's fake. It's totally and completely fake. Your reaction is blown all out of proportion and you get yourself worked up mightily for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Learn from that.

Polar bear I can see where your coming from. I agree it's not normal how the anxiety kicks in like it does but I wasn't like this before the whole memory issue. I don't know why that memory thing has caused all this additional anxiety and worry.  It's probably because I keep worrying about my kids if it were true, so that's why I'm getting triggered by stories that could relate to me  - if that makes any sense at all. I'm so tired 

[Saz]

I can't get it out my mind that when I mentioned to the gp about the clicking ankle and how I feel worried to mention things after all the stories I've heard, that he's now thinking I've caused the ankle to click because I've made a big deal out of everything. Polar bear is this what you mean when you say how I'm feeling this way is fake?

[PolarBear]

Yes. This is all anxiety driven, not reality driven. You're worrying about nothing, based on stories that have nothing to do with you. You'll worry amd worry, nithing will happen, then the anxiety will eventually wake until the next story comes along, because you won't recognize it's fake and you'll be back to square one again. This is exactly the same ad your false memory obsessions.

[Saz]

It's so so so tough. I've had a horrible day. Feel like I'll be worrying all weekend incase I get a knock on the door. My mum's having the baby tomorrow night so I can get some sleep as it's been 4 and a half weeks of about 5 hours broken sleep 

[Caramoole]

Saz, despite what I've talked about with you today you are just continuing to carry out compulsions.  Given that that will worsen the situation why are you using them to bring the anxiety down?

Yes, I know you're anxious, I know you're doubting everything, I know you're desperate to be reassured but everything you are doing will add to an already bad episode of anxiety and OCD.  So you have to ask yourself honestly, why?  What have you done to resist these urges?  What have you tried?

If you don't change this, nothing will change.  It's that simple

[Saz]

I'm sorry caramoole I've not meant to ignore your advice or anyone else's for that matter. Today has just been something else! It's literally been non stop horror stories all day long and I've stupidly allowed them to effect me because I'm weak. Well I'm weak when it comes to all of this. I'm strong in other ways believe it or not. I've not done much to resist the urges, not today anyway. I'm trying to switch off now. I'll be going to bed with the baby now as I've just gave him his last feed. All I cam hope is that tomorrow a better day

[chaosed]

it's also important to note that being well rested is important. because if we don't get enough sleep, we tend to have poorer judgement.

i think you would do yourself a big favor if you wouldn't try to deal with, reassure yourself or worry that much if you are not well rested

truth be told, we can't think with a clear head if we are sleep deprived!

I hope this won't spike you, because it's nothing to worry about. when we are sleep deprived, it's just a little harder for the rational part of our brain to come into play and resist urges to do compulsions and ignore intrusive thoughts. that's all. that's why I believe that when you are sleep deprived it's just easier to slip and go into doing compulsions.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to let every thought come and go, just like they are clouds in the sky. Focus on getting enough sleep, focus on getting care of your baby. If you get some alone time, don't forget to take care of yourself too.

I know it's hard when having a baby from the perspective of sleep, but please be more gentle on yourself. you already have a lot on your plate - be a little more mindful and present. what will happen tomorrow will happen tomorrow, we don't know yet because tomorrow hasn't come. a situation would arise, you will deal with that later.

Please someone correct me if im wrong.

Edited March 3, 2017 by chaosed

[Saz]

Thanks chaosed thats kind. I know indo feel much better after a good sleep. Wouldn't you know though that I am focusing in on the very last part of your post about tomorrow hasn't come and if a situation arises to deal with it then...typical of me! You haven't spiked me, it's just me!

[chaosed]

i know, i know, that spiked me a little too lol. that wouldn't make just you, that would make both of us!

just OCD stuff.. don't worry about it. it's just a way of saying to be more present. to live and let live, I guess.

when I get down a worrying spiral regarding what's going to happen tomorrow, I usually just stop, and remind myself that I don't know for sure what will happen, so there's no point in making scenarios, I'll just be perfectly capable of dealing with whatever would arise - tomorrow.

I used to make scenarios about conversations a lot, and what would happen when I met different people but, I realized after I stopped, that it didn't help me with anything at all. it's way better to just do my thing, and when I'll have the conversation just be present then. my conversations have improved, if anything, because i won't go into them having a mental checklist of things i have to say and a mental checklist of things i have to ask the other person. now i just think about what i want to say and what i'd like to know and that's it, no more complex scenarios with replies from both sides, so i usually don't have any expectations in particular when going into them, and it's just better. oh, and on making scenarios i would also imagine bad conversations that led to fighting and misunderstandings too, more often than not, lol. i'm happy i don't do that anymore

just try not to worry/ruminate/reassure yourself a few times, and just see what happens. i think you'll be surprised at what you'll notice

Edited March 3, 2017 by chaosed

[Saz]

Thanks chaosed. I'll try take that on board.

Have to say though I'm still massively worrying about getting upset in front of the gp. I feel I said too much and to him and I will look like their is cause for concern. I can't shake that feeling now. I was rambling a bit in there. 

[taurean]

1 hour ago, Saz said:

Have to say though I'm still massively worrying about getting upset in front of the gp. I feel I said too much and to him and I will look like their is cause for concern. I can't shake that feeling now. I was rambling a bit in there. 

Hi Saz,

This is the cognitive distortion of "mind-reading"  - assuming someone else is applying a negative outcome to something we have said or done, without any evidence to support that. 

My Mrs got brilliant at doing this, but is now doing it far less as she has been under treatment from yours truly 

[Saz]

5 hours ago, taurean said:

Hi Saz,

This is the cognitive distortion of "mind-reading"  - assuming someone else is applying a negative outcome to something we have said or done, without any evidence to support that. 

My Mrs got brilliant at doing this, but is now doing it far less as she has been under treatment from yours truly 

Yes I can see how it's mind reading Roy. I do this a lot but it all just so intense. I woke this morning not really feeling any better.

[Saz]

Have tried to give myself a bit of time on this one to let it blow over but I'm not really feeling much better. I've been distracted but it's still worrying me. I'm kind of dreading tomorrow as it's Monday and keep thinking someone will be knocking on the door because of what I said to the gp or at some point this week. Why did I let myself get upset!

[Caramoole]

15 hours ago, Saz said:

Why did I let myself get upset!

Try and answer that one for yourself Saz, based on everything you've read on your threads.