12mg?

[PhilM]

Hello. As some people - kind and caring - know I have been coming off tranquillisers over the last 10 and a half months. 40 mg of Valium daily - now on 12 mg but I can't seem to move "down" from that. It's a good achievement I know - very hard especially in the early days and Caramoole was FAB. I just don't seem to have the confidence to go down to 10mg. My therapist and I are having a "break" until early May when he seems to think I will be off the pills but I haven't felt confident with his approach to CBT and knowledge of prescribed medication....despite the print-off information I was given by the fore mentioned kind person which I gave to him and discussed verbally . I feel scared without even a small amount of pills....I know it is ingrained in me - prefer to say dependency than addiction. Any advice friends?

Best wishes, Phil

[taurean]

Well Phil, to put this in perspective, when I was really struggling in a bad OCD and anxiety episode recently the doctor reluctantly gave me just 14 days supply of only 2mg valium.

I can't even contemplate 6 x that dose, and managed with help from the members here to pull myself out of the mire. 

My surgery will only prescribe 2mg, only if patient really needs it, and for no more than 14 days. 

 

Edited March 13, 2017 by taurean
typo

[Snowdog]

1 hour ago, PhilM said:

Hello. As some people - kind and caring - know I have been coming off tranquillisers over the last 10 and a half months. 40 mg of Valium daily - now on 12 mg but I can't seem to move "down" from that. It's a good achievement I know - very hard especially in the early days and Caramoole was FAB. I just don't seem to have the confidence to go down to 10mg. My therapist and I are having a "break" until early May when he seems to think I will be off the pills but I haven't felt confident with his approach to CBT and knowledge of prescribed medication....despite the print-off information I was given by the fore mentioned kind person which I gave to him and discussed verbally . I feel scared without even a small amount of pills....I know it is ingrained in me - prefer to say dependency than addiction. Any advice friends?

Best wishes, Phil

Hi Phil 

hope your ok.. i just want to say i haven't read much of your posts because I'm been really ill since may of last year because of a very high dose of benzo withdrawel like yourself..but i would like to just say you can do it.. I have faith in you.. and if you got any questions of next dose down etc you can ask me if you like ok ? I'm not saying it going to be easy but it's totally worth it because I've just been tho it ..  since may last year  tho to a month ago I went tho the last stages of coming of benzo withdrawel it was the worse time of my life I went tho months and weeks of hell I've never experienced hell like it and only jus started to feel so much more in control of my mind I have been free now a month and I would never touch another benzo in my life It gave me depression it gave me worse ocd in the long run and it gave me the worse anxity and irritated mood and agitation, I thought it was another med I was on but it wasn't it was the benzo..Now I'm free I'm so happy.. and I want you to see on your next dose down how ever bad it's gets remember there is light on the other end and it's called happiness and calmness without a benzo 

Snow ❄️ 

 

Edited March 13, 2017 by Snowdog

[PhilM]

Hi Snowdog - thanks for your response and I totally agree with what you say about long-term benzo use and well done. I see my GP on Friday and will discuss it with her then. x

Taurean I was put on Valium as it is supposed to be easier to come off then the other tranquilliser I was on. I was on such a high dose initially because I had built up such a tolerance to the other drug and doses kept on being raised. It was my choice to start coming off the horrid junk.

Best wishes, Phil

.

[taurean]

Good luck Phil hope we have inspired you to continue the reduction programme. 

[PhilM]

Just to clarify a bit more - the initial use of tranquillisers wasn't altogether to do with OCD but the fear of having panic attacks in public places which I still have largely and I do not believe is being addressed in therapy. I won't be seeing the therapist now until early May. Maybe I'll write him a letter expressing some of my concerns. Phil

[Snowdog]

2 hours ago, PhilM said:

Hi Snowdog - thanks for your response and I totally agree with what you say about long-term benzo use and well done. I see my GP on Friday and will discuss it with her then. x

Taurean I was put on Valium as it is supposed to be easier to come off then the other tranquilliser I was on. I was on such a high dose initially because I had built up such a tolerance to the other drug and doses kept on being raised. It was my choice to start coming off the horrid junk.

Best wishes, Phil

.

That's ok Phil.. thanks..ok goodluck in your recovery 

[PhilM]

I am not confident but my plan is to go down to 10mg from Friday when I see my GP. Thanks for all the support amigos. Best wishes, Phil

[Wonderer]

Hi Phil, well done on making the decision to go down despite ur reservations! I'm wondering when you say ur fear of panic attacks is not being addressed in therapy, what do u mean? I seem to recall a post where u said your therapist had you hyperventilate while out in public before? I'm just wondering, as I have the same problem although my therapist is helping me with this, basically I am made to go through with whatever situation i'm afraid of having a panic attack in, which is pretty much everything when it comes to going out in public, while fighting the urge to escape and sit with the anxiety until it goes down, have u been told to do similar at any point? X

[PhilM]

Only when I've been with the therapist.

[PhilM]

It's my birthday today - 45. I worked out 22 years with OCD - now THAT's a bitter pill to swallow.

Oh yeah forgot to mention - my friend and I were watching a football match in a pub on Sunday and a random guy came up to us and asked if we wanted to buy some Valium. I could have killed him (no obviously not but I was very angry) and my mate was like "what the hell was that?" Crazy world we live in.....

Edited March 16, 2017 by PhilM

[taurean]

Crazy, and just shows the complete disregard of drug pushers for the welfare of others. 

Interestingly, I am on the SSRI Citalopram, which does nothing for my anxiety ; but just found out that Escitalopram - a similar SSRI - is in fact however apparently especially used in anxiety cases as it has proved beneficial in them. 

This is useful info for me. 

[Caramoole]

Keep going Phil.....and bear in mind, long term use of benzodiazepines will contribute to anxiety and panic, ironic as that seems.  They no longer offer the benefit you were originally prescribed for.  They now only offer negative effects with no benefit.

 

[Snowdog]

6 hours ago, PhilM said:

It's my birthday today - 45. I worked out 22 years with OCD - now THAT's a bitter pill to swallow.

Oh yeah forgot to mention - my friend and I were watching a football match in a pub on Sunday and a random guy came up to us and asked if we wanted to buy some Valium. I could have killed him (no obviously not but I was very angry) and my mate was like "what the hell was that?" Crazy world we live in.....

Wow that's unreal are they for real.. I would of be so angry to.. with what I just been tho with it on withdrawel... well done going down your nearly there.. 

Phil xx 

Edited March 16, 2017 by Snowdog

[taurean]

Missed the birthday bit! 

[snowbear]

Happy Birthday, Phil! 

It's natural to look back and feel angry or sad at years lost to OCD, but it's not helpful. A moment's reflection is fine, then swiftly change your focus to the years ahead.

'I'm 45, wow, I'm in my prime! Endless opportunity to achieve good things with my life and leave a legacy of goodwill behind me. I'm putting the past behind me and moving on to better things, a wiser man for having experienced those 22 years of OCD.'  

 

[PhilM]

All the above posts are massively appreciated. Caramaoole thanks again for words of wisdom and snow bear thank you also and saying happy birthday. Sometimes it is dwelling on the past and sometimes dwelling. Normal or not I don't know.

[PhilM]

Sorry I meant sometimes dwelling on the past and something reflecting.

[taurean]

Dwelling on the past looks like obsessing - reflecting, then drawing a line under the past then refocusing away and on to the future, is to me normal and the right thing to do

 

[PhilM]

OK I saw the GP earlier and compromised - 11mg.

[taurean]

Good in the right direction

 

[PhilM]

Aye and better than being on 40mg (yes 40) 10 and a half months ago!

[PhilM]

I didn't want to sabotage anyone else's post but I had a panic attack earlier and what was the first thing that went on in my mind? A pill of course. Thankfully I didn't take one but my God it was a massive PA.

[snowbear]

Well done, Phil.   You know you're going to get these sorts of episodes while reducing so it's a case of sticking with each lowered dose without top-ups.

Maybe it will help to think of it as '11mg plus a manageable degree of anxiety/panic attacks. Then 10mg with the a manageable degree of anxiety... '

In presenting the anxiety to your brain as 'manageable' or 'bearable' it lessens the urge to resort to the pills as a temporary crutch. You expect it, you can cope with it - you're prepared to go through some anxiety rather than wanting to erase it completely at each stage with medication. 

Whether you refer to this shift in thinking as a cognitive skill, or simply as playing your mind at its own game, it does make you more mentally resilient.  

 

 

[PhilM]

I unintentionally found myself in an incredibly crowded pub where I had gone to meet my friend. I had forgotten Cardiff FC were playing at home and unfortunately I live near the ground. My almost instantaneous reaction was fear but I decided to stick it out and although it was very unpleasant I didn't go "mad" (whatever that means) and eventually calmed down. Shortly after the fans left and I was able to watch the rugby in a "relatively" relaxed mood.