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Due to start CBT and worried they won't beleive it's OCD.


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Hi All,

I have posted on here a couple of times recently and I have been referred for CBT. My worry is the fact that one of my major concerns has been if I am attracted to children, I have had CBT in the past and this subject has been the main reason behind it. None of my previous therapists have thought me a risk and OCD has been the reason for it. However I am wondering if this time it will be different. I am a father now so I worry they will maybe be more likely not to believe it's OCD.

I perform a lot of safety behaviours around my son and often avoid bath times etc as It will cause me a lot of anxiety, i am also worried when he sits on my knee in case of arousal. I was told of Theory A and Theory B by my last therapist which does help a bit but i am still anxious and reluctant to sit him on my knee. There are other things too which i will not go into

I also have an urge to confess / seek re-assurance from therapists. I often try to think back through my past and bring up topics that may implicate me in some way and prove what I worry about. A few times when I was a child a few things happened now and again with my friends, I was caught by my father and was given a talk about homosexuality I expect they were concerned I was gay even though I was only a child. I mentioned this to one therapist and she seemed quite staggered that at the age i was approx 8 or 9 that such a subject was raised with me by my parents.

Also a few years later something happened on a few occasions with my brother which I feel very bad for as I am 6 years older than him and feel I should have known better as I was about 14 or 15 at the time and he would only have been about 9. I mentioned this to one therapist who advised that this from time to time does happen between siblings. It was really not maybe as bad as I am making it sound but embarrassing and worrying for me, this therapist even with me telling him this did not turn me over to the police.

I beat myself up constantly about these incidents, I am very nervous about posting on here over such a subject but wondered if anyone else has had this worry and tried to implicate themselves in this way? Have you ever had a CBT therapist who did not think it was OCD?

Anyway will sign off now before i lose my nerve and delete this post.

 

 

 

 

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Hello Avo

I have been referred for cbt recently and waiting for a date. I could of written your post myself. It's exactly how I feel . I have found myself checking for attractions or arousel which has made me very anxious so I can totally relate. Also I'm going over things from childhood similar to what you have explained.

I'm also scared of the therapist not beliving it's ocd or not understanding me if I start to open up. So your not alone with this.

I understand everything you have said and can only advise to you the advice I have received off the great members of this forum which is to treat it all as OCD which I imagine you know how to after already being taught cbt .

I know how hard this is just when I thought things could get better ocd throws this checking of arousal at me. And low and behold if you start checking your never regions you definitely feel some sort of sensation . This is what is destroying me rite now.

All the best.

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Avo, you've been to therapists before. They believe you have OCD. You have OCD. Come to grips with it. You just have to take a stand, say to yourself, "I have OCD," and get on with your therapy. No more beating around the bush.

These stories you bring up from when you were young are irrelevant. You bring them up as a form of reassurance. You tell your therapist these stories to check and see if they still feel you have OCD. It's a way to check and it's a way for you to be reassured. Enough of that. Do not bring up those stories with your new therapist. That ship has sailed and you have to sit with the anxiety. What you did is irrelevant to you having OCD today.

You are also exhibiting avoidance compulsions, avoiding bath time and setting your son on your lap. I had that when my kids were young. I know now that it is a compulsion and the wrong thing to do. Hopefully you'll work on that through CBT.

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With any OCD theme, in our minds, in a bid to figure it out we make false connections, we look for evidence to support our fears and the anxiety makes that evidence seem incredibly real!!! The thing is, our intrusive thoughts are ego alien, which means they go against who we really are, so all that going back into ur past in ur mind and remembering and feeling guilty about those events and seeing them as evidence is just all rubbish thrown at u by ur disorder! There's no need to divulge all that to a therapist because it's just OCD rubbish, what u need to do is forget the past and work on the OCD! Xx

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Hi All,

Thank you for the feedback, I am still worrying about seeing the therapist. I will have a telephone call initially with someone to asses the exact issue and I am worried even telling them about things now , never mind without all the stuff from the past.  As you will all know confessing for re-assurance is a common trait of OCD, it's a something I do regularly especially with my wife who is basically the only one who knows I have OCD. I suppose it is cos of the subject matter that I am worrying, but like you say I have been seen before with this issue and just have to trust them. 

Thanks again everyone.

 

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I think now that ur a dad it's natural to worry, I have two kids myself and I did not want to tell my therapist my fears because I was convinced they'd come and take my kids away, didn't happen! I was so afraid but I had two choices, say nothing and continue suffering or open up and try and get it sorted, I knew to be the best mum I could be I had to get myself sorted! They won't think ur a danger at all x 

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Hi all,

Avo, my first major ocd episode revolved around exactly the same thoughts and obsessions you are suffering with at the moment. I don't have children but remembering how horrendous my intrusive and obsessive experiences were, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and other parents. You are incredibly brave to have taken these steps to discuss what you are going through to try and help yourself deal with ocd. 

Although this must be one of the most difficult things to approach with a new therapist, talking about your thoughts can be the most helpful thing. Once I had plucked up the courage to discuss my own ruminations about whether I was attracted to children and terrifying intrusive thoughts about child abuse I felt like a weight had been lifted. I approached the subject with my psychiatrist because most of all I needed help and knew taking the first step was talking about it. The more you try and push the thoughts away and search for meaning in them that isn't there the worse they become, I think one of the most important steps to my recovery from those obsessions and ruminations was to accept them and talk to a professional. When I told her she barely battered an eyelid and reassured me that it's quite common among ocd sufferers and it can be much improved with the right therapy methods.

of course it's not as easy as it sounds but if you have discussed your thoughts with a therapist before you are strong enough to do it again. It is important to accept them as ocd, it is not 'you' or how you really feel or you wouldn't feel so distressed or keep checking arousal all the time. It is sad to hear you are missing out on quality time with your son, although completely understandable, I hope that from working through cbt you can accept these thoughts as ocd and hopefully face bath times and having your son on your knee as obstacles ocd is putting in front of you that you CAN fight like facing any other fear. 

I hope this helps is some way, you are not alone and you will get through this. Don't let ocd beat you and spoil precious family moments.

 

Draven1

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Hi Draven1,

Thanks for taking the time to reply, sorry to hear you suffered with this topic also, I hope your better now . I have an initial telephone appointment a week on Monday and am nervous about that as I worry that for some reason I will not get my point across accurately rather than face to face and that they will mis-understand me. I suppose that is my OCD again.

Hopefully I will end up with an understanding and easy to talk to therapist, I do feel I need to conquer this as it's taken too much of my life away.

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