Looking4help

Can someone talk some sense into me?

18 posts in this topic

hello all, I hope you are doing well. I've actually been doing better but there's one thing that has kinda been bugging me and I've been obsessing about recently...

 

 

Both my brother and I were sexually abused by a cousin when we were younger. About 10 years ago when my brother and I were teenagers, he walked in on me masturbating and made a stupid juvenile remark along the lines of "imagine if I blew you right now" and wee laughed because we both assumed it was him being an idiot and then he walked out. That same year it came out that we had both been abused.

 

Right now, I'm going to a psychiatrist and my abuse is brought up because of how traumatic it was and now a lot of my obsessions are sexual in nature. I keep thinking about the comment my brother made and I get so uncomfortable. He never abused me and I know he would never abuse anyone because of how much our abuse messed us up but ocd is trying to turn me against him and I'm wondering should I look at him as a different person because of that comment he made? I think we were both confused teenagers at the time who couldn't process what happened to us on top of that we joked around a lot, plus we were both smoking a lot of weed at the time. I try to write it off as a harmless sophomoric joke, and I do my best to live in the present moment and not panic about it. I see no reason to obsess about this comment. Thinking about it does bring me anxiety however, especially since I recently have been feeling good in terms of OCD, and now this presented itself as if to taunt me for feeling good..

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Posted (edited)

wait wait wait.

 

What do you mean with this very sentence? "That same year it came out that we had both been abused".

Are there more events than the story about your cousin?

Or do you mean that other people know about the incident?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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No, the event I'm obsessing about is a joke my brother stated when he walked in on me masturbating.  Later on that same year, my brother and i told my parents we were victims of sexual abuse by a cousin

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My brain seems to be treating this as the be all end all of my relationship with my brother.  He's my only sibling and often at times my only friend.  I don't want nor think I should let this one sophomoric joke made by himyears ago ruin our relationship.  I just want someone else to weigh in and tell me I'm being stupid.  

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1 minute ago, Looking4help said:

No, the event I'm obsessing about is a joke my brother stated when he walked in on me masturbating.  Later on that same year, my brother and i told my parents we were victims of sexual abuse by a cousin

The only thing i can say to you my friend is that i appreciate you sharing it because i have the same kind of ocd. Pretty much the exqct same.

 

Me being abused and destroyed. 

 

I will not give you reassurance, you are the only one who know what happened. abutbyou are not alone my friend.

Can i ask you if this is the first time you see yourself as abused/harmed/destroyed or traumatized?

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5 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

The only thing i can say to you my friend is that i appreciate you sharing it because i have the same kind of ocd. Pretty much the exqct same.

 

Me being abused and destroyed. 

 

I will not give you reassurance, you are the only one who know what happened. abutbyou are not alone my friend.

Can i ask you if this is the first time you see yourself as abused/harmed/destroyed or traumatized?

Just to make things clear, im not saying I was ever abused by my brother, im just saying he made a stupid inappropriate sexual remark towards me when we were younger.  However, both of us were sexually abused by an older cousin for a period of time.  Being abused by this cousin is the only time I've ever felt traumatized,  but a lot of my obsessions are sexual in nature so I am clinging on to this for some reason.

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Posted (edited)

14 minutes ago, Looking4help said:

My brain seems to be treating this as the be all end all of my relationship with my brother.  He's my only sibling and often at times my only friend.  I don't want nor think I should let this one sophomoric joke made by himyears ago ruin our relationship.  I just want someone else to weigh in and tell me I'm being stupid.  

I know i know, i want you to cut it off now before it gets bigger. You will never find a solution which will satisfy you. 

I know it is hard, you need to understand that OCD is a tricky *******, it can create the most intrinsic* ideas to make you giving it your attention.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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1 minute ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I know i know, i want you to cut it off now before it gets bigger. You will never find a solution which will satisfy you. 

I know it is hard, you need to understand that OCD is a tricky *******, it can create the most intrinsic* ideas to make you giving it your attention.

Thank you.  I've been waiting for someone to tell me this was my OCD and this doesn't mean that my brother and I can't have a normal relationship.  Thank you.

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Posted (edited)

7 minutes ago, Looking4help said:

Just to make things clear, im not saying I was ever abused by my brother, im just saying he made a stupid inappropriate sexual remark towards me when we were younger.  However, both of us were sexually abused by an older cousin for a period of time.  Being abused by this cousin is the only time I've ever felt traumatized,  but a lot of my obsessions are sexual in nature so I am clinging on to this for some reason.

Sorry but i think i need to know more about your situation. When you say abused by your cousin do you mean other times than the time he walked in on you?

 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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3 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Sorry but i think i need to know more about your situation. When you say abused by your cousin do you mean other times than the time he walked in on you?

The person who walked in on me and made a comment (never was physically harmed by him) was my brother

my cousin is the one who physically abused us for his sexual pleasure  

 

this stupid comment is the one I'm ruminating on

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Posted (edited)

15 minutes ago, Looking4help said:

The person who walked in on me and made a comment (never was physically harmed by him) was my brother

my cousin is the one who physically abused us for his sexual pleasure  

 

this stupid comment is the one I'm ruminating on

This is a bit tricky, because i dont want to offend you.

The thing with your brother is ocd, and no you should absolutly not letting it destroy your relationship* with him. Be angry at the ocd not the people around you. It could be that if you let the ocd take over you will it make you avoid people (your brother) avoidance is never good. avoidande and reassurance is part of ocd.

 

When it comes to your cousin and abuse do you know if you were abused, i am not questioning this if it happened and you know it. 

The reason i write in this way is because when it comes to those things about past events do things get blowned out of proportions thanks to OCD and there are this thing called false memories, but if you said you were abused will i leave it at there.

Your brother and you are fine however.

 

And this is all reassurance, what you need to learn is that OCD can come in any way or form, and you cant not get reassurance for every little thing. You need to be brave and learn to recognize how your brain in a sense works against you. " The part of the brain with ocd", you need to be a watcher of this part.

I hope you can letting yourself see what a tricky ******* ocd is and stop giving it your attention.

 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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4 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

This is a bit tricky, because i dont want to offend you.

The thing with your brother is ocd, and no you should absolutly not letting it destroy your relationship* with him. Be angry at the ocd not the people around you. It could be that if you let the ocd take over you will it make you avoid people (your brother) avoidance is never good. avoidande and reassurance is part of ocd.

 

When it comes to your cousin and abuse do you know if you were abused, i am not questioning this if it happened and you know it. 

The reason i write in this way is because when it comes to those things about past events do things get blowned out of proportions thanks to OCD and there are this thing called false memories, but if you said you were abused will i leave it at there.

Your brother and you are fine however.

 

And this is all reassurance, what you need to learn is that OCD can come in any way or form, and you cant not get reassurance for every little thing. You need to be brave and learn to recognize how your brain in a sense works against you. " The part of the brain with ocd", you need to be a watcher of this part.

I hope you can letting yourself see what a tricky ******* ocd is and stop giving it your attention.

ThAnk you! I feel so happy that you say my brother and I are ok.  I really didn't want one stupid joke from years ago make me distance myself from my only sibling.

 

as for the abuse that my brother and I endured, unfortunately I know it was all too real.  Luckily I am safe now.  Thank you for your concern and you did not offend me.

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Posted (edited)

22 minutes ago, Looking4help said:

ThAnk you! I feel so happy that you say my brother and I are ok.  I really didn't want one stupid joke from years ago make me distance myself from my only sibling.

 

as for the abuse that my brother and I endured, unfortunately I know it was all too real.  Luckily I am safe now.  Thank you for your concern and you did not offend me.

It is not as common as handwashing ocd but it is ocd, the thing with ocd is if you have it and it is your theme it is ocd, i would go so far and say if you doubt and you know you have ocd you know. and the thing with themes is that you can end up obsessing about the theme.. it is a bit fascinating when you can see it without feelings attached.

you get a thought/image or past event pops up and it comes with a feeling, or we shouldn't engage and we wouldnt be here.

Then the more you think of it the more you are telling the brain that this is real and your brain will eventually take you over and destroy everything if you let it to. This is how bad ocd can go. It also hijacks your imagination so it will make you believe it and it will be bad.

 

just stop feeding thebthought about your brother now and it will go away and work on your ocd, because if you dont, it will be something else in the future.

I hope you find the power to battle the ocd today and the days after

 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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7 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

It is not as common as handwashing ocd but it is ocd, the thing with ocd is if you have it and it is your theme it is ocd, i would go so far and say if you doubt and you know you have ocd you know. and the thing with themes is that you can end up obsessing about the theme.. it is a bit fascinating when you can see it without feelings attached.

you get a thought/image or past event pops up and it comes with a feeling, or we shouldn't engage and we wouldnt be here.

Then the more you think of it the more you are telling the brain that this is real and your brain will eventually take you over and destroy everything if you let it to. This is how bad ocd can go. It also hijacks your imagination so it will make you believe it and it will be bad.

 

just stop feeding thebthought about your brother now and it will go away and work on your ocd, because if you dont, it will be something else in the future.

I hope you find the power to battle the ocd today and the days after

 

 

Yes.  What I'm saying now is big deal that my brother made a perverted comment.  People without OCD wouldn't be ruminating so I think it's time to let it go

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23 minutes ago, Looking4help said:

Yes.  What I'm saying now is big deal that my brother made a perverted comment.  People without OCD wouldn't be ruminating so I think it's time to let it go

exactly but we with ocd will ruminate because our filter in the brain is a bad one, so we need to be active.

do the work and sit the time and ocd (overall) will go down. Not just specific thoughts.

 

i hope you do it. best wishes

 

 

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Looking, I think before you first posted that your concern wad unfounded and that of course you should let it go. But there wad a little niggling doubt that was eating away at you. Ignore the doubt and go on and live your life.

If I based my relationships on stupid things that people said, I wouldn't have any relationships. Nor would you, I suspect.

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5 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

exactly but we with ocd will ruminate because our filter in the brain is a bad one, so we need to be active.

do the work and sit the time and ocd (overall) will go down. Not just specific thoughts.

 

i hope you do it. best wishes

 

 

Thank you.  All the best to you.

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2 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Looking, I think before you first posted that your concern wad unfounded and that of course you should let it go. But there wad a little niggling doubt that was eating away at you. Ignore the doubt and go on and live your life.

If I based my relationships on stupid things that people said, I wouldn't have any relationships. Nor would you, I suspect.

Thanks.  This is a good reality based answer.  Thank you. 

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