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BelAnna

Anyone else feel like this?

8 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your support recently! 

I have seen a lot of my extended family and family friends recently with the funeral etc. and I cannot help but feel like such a failure when people ask me what I'm doing now- I actually just resorted to saying 'I'm not one of life's success stories' to one family friend because I'd rather be honest about how things are than pretend I'm successful.

So here I am: just turned 29 a couple of weeks ago; no job (I have never had one due to very severe OCD so no CV either); no friends (I used to have good friends at uni); no social skills (I used to be sociable but was agoraphobic for a couple of years and gradually lost social skills); recent weight gain (I was size ten 18 months ago); no funding to complete my degree (went to a very prestigious uni, got A grades, dropped out with a Diploma; no boyfriend and I just feel as though I have failed at life due to my OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression! 

Does anyone else feel like this? How do I start feeling more hopeful and work out what the next step is? I don't want to be in the same position in 10 years or even 2 years time! 

Thanks xx 

Edited by BelAnna

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You can start by looking at the glass half full, rather than empty.

You said to people you are not one of life's success stories. How about turn that upside down and tell the truth:

I survived several devastating mental disorders and now I'm looking forward to seeing what life offers.

This isn't just what you tell other people; it's about what you tell yourself.

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I have the same feelings.  I'll be 37 very soon.  I had a reasonable and respectable job that I worked hard for and was there for over 12 years.  It wasn't a good place to work and it was depressing (long story), regardless of OCD.

I finished a degree part time around that job that took 6 years to finish, then I quit and did a Master's degree full time... getting a 1st and Distinction respectively.  However finding a job is hard again... I'm overqualified (apparently) and over experienced (just in a specific field) that at this age and jobless with doing well... I feel like a failure, and I'm not sure how I can get my life going in the right direction considering it's even harder these days. I've had relationships but currently single and even I think... getting on a bit, no job etc... hardly a catch.... the words 'not Tesco quality' etched onto my psyche forever!!!

So you are not alone in that regard.

But I have done well in those studies even though I am older.... I finished my degree at 35 so don't feel like a failure just yet. I've solo parachuted, done a few bungee jumps...aerobatic bi pane flying (which I loved).... so I feel I have accomplished some things.

I think looking at success in other ways than jobs etc make you (me) happier and maybe setting your sights on different goals for the next 10 years might help.... and things might fall into place that way anyway.

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Thanks PolarBear, I do naturally take a pessimistic stance on life and I also feel very stuck at the moment- I cannot work nor find funding to study and my social skills are such a problem that I cannot do normal things (e.g. buy an item in a shop or go for a hair cut).

You're right that I have survived devastating mental disorders but it's difficult when other people do not understand and just see you as a failure, for example my uncle suggested that it was important that I "got a move on" with life- if only it was that simple!

I'm sorry to hear you have similar feeling Rucker. I think that you sound very successful and should be really proud of your degree and Masters degree. I know that being jobless can have a massive effect on your self-esteem though- my brother found the same after his PhD. You are right that it's important to focus on things other than careers/jobs when measuring success in life. 

Thanks for your help xx

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Ah yes, I thought about a PhD but decided against it.  I think sitting in the library day in day out had me stir crazy for a 15,000 dissertation let alone a 100,000 word thesis.... it's the proof reading that really gets to me :lol:

The 'get a move on' traditional route is vastly overrated anyway... you'll be fine, don't liv to others' expectations  :)

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Yes, probably a good idea- I think you have to have an incredible level of interest in a subject to study for a PhD in it! I struggled proof reading and checking with essays so I imagine it was 10x worse with your MSc! 

My brother is quite a relaxed person but was incredibly stressed when he took his PhD. Both my parents and both my brothers have MScs so I'm definitely the odd one out, with just a Diploma of Higher Education! I did get A grades so really shouldn't have withdrawn from my course but at the moment I'm struggling to string sentences together.

Sorry this is not really OCD related, except that the loss of my degree (I left uni last January) had a major impact on my OCD and Depression and now having a lack of purpose with no career and nothing to focus on is definitely having an effect on my OCD too! 

Good luck with your job search! Maybe keep reminding yourself of how well you've done and try not to be too discouraged that you are over-qualified- we just live in a very silly society! 

Edited by BelAnna

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On 21/03/2017 at 00:05, BelAnna said:

You're right that I have survived devastating mental disorders but it's difficult when other people do not understand and just see you as a failure, for example my uncle suggested that it was important that I "got a move on" with life- if only it was that simple!

My Dad has always said to me not to worry about what other people think. And i don't anymore.

I have a degree.  I got a Desmond.

A 2:2. (referring to Desmond Tutu)

Sorry, bit facetious...

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But in in all seriousness and to answer your question: yes i have felt like that.  And being on an SSRI for 5 or so years really helped.

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