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17 hours ago, PhilM said:

Hopefully though when I see my great GP on Friday I will have the courage to go down to 10mg

See how you feel.  If you're really struggling it's fine to take a couple of weeks between reductions. Finding your feet and stabilising is important too, the rule is that you never go backwards and up the dose, ever.  When you get down to these later stages (under 10mg) it is better to reduce fortnightly anyway.  It's not a race and not really your GP's decision, they prescribed them for you all these years, they owe you the support to get through the withdrawal as easily as possible.  And although it's not something we want to hear but is important to know, even when you cut out that last pill the battle isn't quite over, it will take time beyond that.  Truthfully, it probably took 2 years for me to be back to normal (including the withdrawal period).  That doesn't mean you'll feel awful the whole time, things will start to feel better, symptoms will disappear and those good effects become cumulative.  And when you get there, instead of craving a pill you will get to the point where you will never want to take one again.

You're doing really well, I'm proud of you :hug:

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Wow Caramoole - your response moved me so much. You are so kind and considerate and have been during the last 11 months or so. Your advice has always been helpful and appreciated and - without reassurance - has helped me to move forward. I still have weird physical feelings but I believe they will pass as I continue my journey. Again thank you and other forum users for the support, wise words and kindness. Best wishes and I hope you are all doing well. Phil x

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Oh I had. I think there is something wrong with my laptop or internet connection as sometimes half the posts don't come up and then they do. Anyway GP in 45 minutes.

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I realised today where I am at and how far I am from where I want to be. I realised as some people know I have also been addressing a long-term dependency on tranquillisers since last April which has, I think without making excuses, made me erratic and irritable as well as especially anxious. I realised that I have come along way with the gambling and pills since last (massive daily doses of valium) year but after a tearful appointment with my hugely supportive GP I realised that in the last stages of coming off those pills I need help. I really do. The dependency and craving can be overwhelming even if you know that after a long-time they are just having a placebo effect. So I have been in touch with a local organisation which help people with all sorts of addiction/dependency issues and they will ring me on Monday for an assessment. Good move by me I think but boy what a tough day. Best wishes, Phil.

Edited by PhilM
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I went to see my friend's band last night and it was pretty loud. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle noise when I first started coming off the pills - no way so progress of a sort. Best wishes, Phil.

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On 31/03/2017 at 20:37, PhilM said:

 I realise dependency and craving can be overwhelming even if you know that after a long-time they are just having a placebo effect. So I have been in touch with a local organisation which help people with all sorts of addiction/dependency issues and they will ring me on Monday for an assessment. 

It"s a bit more complicated than just having a placebo effect Phil.  It's not simply that the drugs don't do anything for you, they can cause a huge detrimental effect.  Because we develop a tolerance to Benzodiazepines, even though taking the drug we are in effect suffering with withdrawal symptoms (which would only be relieved by taking a higher dose....but then tolerance would occur to that dose too), that's why we feel constantly anxious and panicky despite taking it.

Sadly, (and shamefully) the NHS have virtually no specialist services to offer those withdrawing from prescription drugs and we have to rely on other agencies to help, so hopefully these people can help.

Try and think that as awful as this journey may feel, it is a positive thing, it is a sign that you are steadily working your way out of this addiction....and you will, and the side-effects will reduce and stop but it's a long game.  As I've said, for me it took about two years....but there was a constant, gradual improvements and the effects get less.

Slow withdrawal is the best.  Guidelines are just that, and although you should try and largely stick with them, remember, you are not a machine.....this is about you.  Sometimes it is okay to tread water and maybe take an extra week (or two) between reducing the dose.  This can let you find your feet rather than pushing you to the edge.  Keep nudging forward, NEVER go back and up the dose.

Remember, these side-effects are a sign that you're getting rid of these drugs from your system and heading towards a much better place.

Stay strong :hug:

 

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On 31/03/2017 at 12:16, PhilM said:

Well that was a tearful appointment but I am now down to 10mg a day. All the best, Phil.

Hi Phil keep up the good work your doing well.. one day your be benzo free like me ? I actually took my box of benzos back to the chemist today for them to get rid of was so proud of myslef ? One day that be you 

heidi x

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Questions to myself: How do I do all the things I took for granted when I wasn't dependent on pills when I'm off them? Walking to the shop, getting a bus, making a train journey or flying somewhere? The simple things - anything?

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You go with what you have learned so far from the therapy - and I imagine you can pick up again with the therapy once the benzos issue has resolved. 

To deal with avoidance issues we have to - all of us - face the fear by going there, at the same time applying what we know cognitively about the disorder to help our understanding. 

The unwanted meaning, followed by the anxiety response, come from the disorder not us. 

Another important point Phil is to address things when we need to address them, and believe that we have the inner ability to deal with them when we have to. 

I was explaining exactly this to my wife this morning, as she has a tendency to want to resolve things now that we will only encounter in the future. 

I have the self-confidence, from years of professionally dealing with often the most challenging, complex, problems - often involving very stubborn, demanding people - to keep calm, assess things sensibly and choose practical courses of action. 

Because of that experience, I may plan ahead, but I trust myself to uncover a solution. 

So, maybe focus on the here and now issues only, and keep faith you will have the strength to face the others. 

 

 

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2 hours ago, PhilM said:

Walking to the shop, getting a bus, making a train journey or flying somewhere? The simple things - anything?

You make a start...and you can start today.  You may even be surprised that you'll find the anxiety and panics reduce and disappear once you get through the withdrawal.

How far away is your local shop?

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Two minute walk. Tomorrow we have the appointment with the national policy director for Wales Adoption Service about the decision that was made which I have posted elsewhere. My wife and 1 are 100 per cent on-side but I know it will be a tough meeting. Thanks so much (if he reads this to Ashley for his letter). Best wishes, Phil

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On 04/04/2017 at 11:39, PhilM said:

Aww cheers Heidi. That was a lovely post and you should be proud of yourself. Best wishes, Phil x

That's ok.. aw thanks Phil.. you to 

Heidi x

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Weird dreams - horrible dreams. I guess nightmares are almost the same as intrusive thoughts? Not sure if it is part of the withdrawal process but I certainly never had so many nightmares when I was on a much higher dose of benzos and if I did have a nightmare? Of course, I'd take another pill which I won't/can't do now although it is still very tempting. Best wishes, Phil.

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I had a nightmare last night Phil and I am in the middle of building work at home, which is unpleasant - but no gain without pain. 

I feel for you, but the withdrawal plus that recent annoyance re the meeting are likely causes. 

Onwards and upwards Phil - long term gain.

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Thanks Taurean. You and several other great forum users have been hugely supportive. I've actually more or less come to terms with the decision that was made and the comments in the meeting despite the clear unfairness. Talking to my mum was a great help as she is always a source of great advice. Best wishes, Phil.

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