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I can say that now! I didn't mean that flippantly as I am still struggling - every blip, minor problem, issue with computer and my immediate thought is about pills. I guess that is almost instinctive after being on them for so long? Phil

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It's addiction Phil. 

My brother-in-law couldn't last more than a few minutes without having to go outside for a cigarette. 

Compulsive gamblers are always considering odds and where to place their bet or - if gambling by phone - in-game betting and cashouts. 

A friend who was addicted to alcohol knows he dare never have another drink. 

You have your champions here to look up to - Heidi (snowdog)  and Caramoole - plus friends to sustain you. 

Keep going and keep distracted. 

:thumbup:

 

 

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Don't under-estimate the range of side-effects it can have, both physical and mental.Phil.  Ringing in the ears, hyper-sensitivity to sound (I literally used to jump when a door banged or a phone rang), metallic taste in mouth, awful aches, pains, cramps (it is also used as a muscle relaxant, so reducing it has opposite effect).

You're doing really well, it just takes time but you've shown you're capable, you've done 75% of it....and you'll not regret it, in time you'll really notice the difference :)

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PS I prefer the word "dependency" to addiction" - just me

I agree.  Once you complete the process of withdrawal and it's out of your system there isn't a pull towards needing a pill like you might say with drink or gambling

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5 hours ago, PhilM said:

Thank you. I am determined to stick with it but I am juggling a lot of balls at the moment and have a lot of stress which is just life I guess. Phil

Your doing so well.. member I've just been tho it.. I had every withdrawel symptoms going I used to sit on my bed for weeks rocking from it.. never thought I get tho it.. I think the the last drop before last was the worse but if I can do it Phil so can u... trust me u will jus keep strong and positive ok and if you want to ask me any questions about it just ask ok

h x

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23 minutes ago, PhilM said:

All I want to ask you is how are you doing Heidi? x

Aw your sweet :) thanks for thinking of me and asking how I am ..yeah I'm good this evening thanks for asking.. Enjoying having no intrusive thoughts for two hours ? So far longest I've gone without them in months and months ? How are u x

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I feel argumentative, I sweat at night, have tension headaches and have weird dreams. I feel impatient, confrontational and intolerant - sometimes rightly and sometimes not. I want to cry, I want to drink inappropriately (which I don't) - I also feel more receptive to other peoples views, have more energy and have more vavavoom (you know what mean I hope??!!) It's a difficult journey but one I CHOSE to embark on. I hope at some point I hope I can help others. Best wishes, your friend Phil.

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1 hour ago, PhilM said:

I want to cry

You will notice heightened emotions, yours have been tranquillised for a long time, now they're returning and at first it seems odd.  All sorts used to make me cry, films, adverts.  Try and think of it as your brain returning to normal, with time it will settle down....but it does take time. :)

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1 hour ago, PhilM said:

I feel argumentative, I sweat at night, have tension headaches and have weird dreams. I feel impatient, confrontational and intolerant - sometimes rightly and sometimes not. I want to cry, I want to drink inappropriately (which I don't) - I also feel more receptive to other peoples views, have more energy and have more vavavoom (you know what mean I hope??!!) It's a difficult journey but one I CHOSE to embark on. I hope at some point I hope I can help others. Best wishes, your friend Phil.

Hi Phil 

i had all the symptoms you got I had the night sweats the panic attacks,mirganes ear ringing sensitive sounds and lights nightmares..crying constant.. confusion lost of memory.. my worse one was inpatient and irritated and argumentative and I still get that now and again.. I had that Thursday Friday and sat and I've only been of 5 weeks I thought it was becuase I was depressed but apparently my brain still adjusting being of them.. it takes a long time to fix but tonight is the best night I've had in months and months a actual night with nothing ?Your doing well.. keep up the good work... and the strength to carry on 

h x

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Heightened emotions? My God yes. I think some of my friends - some very close friends although I only have a "small circle" think why is he saying xyz because I never said anything about a football team I support passionately when we were watching a game for example with emotion? But in reality I have/had the good fortune to tell my friends - not most of my family unfortunately but that's a different story - about the pills and some never understand entirely - which was fine because they care about me - but wow I have had some support and comments in the difference in me (poor grammar?). Also more importantly my beautiful, kind and funny wife plus all the people who know the score on this forum. So thanks so much to you guys as my benzo-journey continues and my beautiful wife and handful of friends. I feel very lucky, best wishes Phil xx

Edited by PhilM
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My wife's friend has been a mental health professional for a long time and she told me the last bit of the journey coming off tranquillisers can be as hard and difficult in terms of withdrawal symptoms as the start despite the much lower dose. I have the horrid taste in my mouth, weird sensations in my ears, bowel issues, inability to cope with loud noises etc. But I'm sticking with it and the support here and elsewhere has been invaluable. Fab forum, fab posts, fab friends and especially fab wife xxx

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Hey supportive friends. Still struggling with pill urges and thinking about pills are a solution to any of my life's problems. Weird withdrawal symptoms still - yuk. Hopefully though when I see my great GP on Friday I will have the courage to go down to 10mg. Best wishes and thanks as always for the support, Phil.

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Thank you Taurean - you are always very kind, considerate and supportive. BUT it a nightmare but then I see what other people who have been through this hell have got rid of that junk out of their system. 40mg to 10mg in a year? I'm hard on myself but for once a pat on the back for myself. Cheers.

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