constanf negative worries about losing my best friend

[Kcbell92]

I previously posted something regarding this but probably made it way too long 

anyway my mind is always making me think I'm gonna lose my best friend now due to bad experiences in the past with friends lying to me so I'm stupidly comparing old friends lying to me to my best friend when we discuss hanging out 

it goes on & on but too much to post on one single thread. I'm just always generally coming up with stupid examples on ways in which I fear losing my best friend. Anyone ever gone through this 

[Kcbell92]

If anyone wishes to know more examples just write back so I can give them

[PolarBear]

So you keep going through scenarios in your head where you lose your best friend. How's that working for you?

The way forward is to stop dwelling/ruminating over scenarios. Live in the moment and accept friendship as a gift.

[Kcbell92]

What happens is I go back into the past with a friend from years ago who used to string me along tell me he was busy couldn't hang out or spend time with me but still talk to me a little but then hang out with other people post it online then ignore my calls & texts do the same thing again & again 

so when my best friend doesn't answer me back but posts online here & there I think back to how the old friend did that 

there are many other examples of silly comparisons but they all stem from the same example of the old friend playing with my mind so me worrying my best friend will do the same thing 

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, Kcbell92 said:

there are many other examples of silly comparisons

It's amazing how often people post the solution to the problem in their own words, yet fail to listen to what they've just said. 

Your fear stems from making 'silly comparisons'. In looking for parallels with the past you see betrayal everywhere in your present. 

Stop looking!

1 hour ago, Kcbell92 said:

the old friend playing with my mind 

The irony is that you are now the one playing with your mind. Creating imaginary betrayals out of these 'silly comparisons'. Playing mind games. Making yourself scared and miserable with your own thoughts. Twisting it around in your head so you convince yourself the problem lies with others, past and present, while you're the victim of their machinations. 

The present-day friend stands innocent and loyal by your side while you stab him/her in the back, accusing him/her with your thoughts. Is that the action of a good friend?  

Friendship is based on trust. So it's very simple, either you trust your friend and dismiss these silly comparisons without further ado, or you already have no friendship to lose because there's no trust there. 

You clearly spend a lot of time thinking about your friend betraying you, but where do your own loyalties lie? Will you let these thoughts, these silly fears based on what some other person did in the past spoil a genuine friendship in the present? Or dismiss the thoughts and fears and trust your friend and yourself?  

[Kcbell92]

I read this a couple times Over & after talking to my best friend today I just thought how all my thoughts are just thoughts not reality. 

I was thinking a lot of what ifs? In regards to worrying about losing him as a friend because of what that old friend from 6 years ago did to me when I made the comparisons 

like what If he doesn't respond to me by this particular time it will turn into a situation like my old friend did to me 

what if he can't come over or says he's gonna come over but can't make it last minute since the old friend did that when he stopped talking to me 

what if he's late (he tends to arrive late but not update me he was spoken to a couple times by my family I think he finally understands what he has to do) 

but ifs the constant what ifs that affect me a lot 

[PolarBear]

So KC, you may not be able to control these what if questions that pop up in your head, but you can learn to control how you react to them. The thoughts are bad enough but it's what comes after, the ruminating, the debating in your head, that makes things so much worse. You can learn to stop trying to answer the what if questions. It takes a lot of practice but it can be done. You leave the questions alone. You don't respond to them. You leave the unanswered and you go on about your day. The less you pay attention to the what if questions, the less they'll bother you.

[Kcbell92]

I can say I have improved on that issue of not answering the what if questions because man it is tough to let it just go but I'm on 300 mg Luvox it's helping me calm myself plus my best friend making sure he does the right thing as a friend Bc he like everyone in this world has there flaws. He makes sure he keeps me updated on hanging out or if hes gonna come late he let's me know & let's me know what time he's coming but thanks for your help everyone