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Help! Stuck in a hotel room! Advice needed!


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Hi everyone,

I am paralysed with fear at the moment. My mind keeps on going over things! I went to visit someone, took a ferry, cab, train and ended up in the hotel I'm currently stuck in! Me getting here was a huge exposure and I did it. BUT.....when I got to the hotel I decided to take my shoes off and walk barefoot on the hotel room floor (I now regret this decision). I'm now terrified I've got all kinds of filth on my feet and the rest of me. On top of that, while visiting my friend, I was standing on a pavement lined with wheelie bins (my greatest fear), and even though I avoided them,  people would walk past me and brush up against me sometimes. I'm now dreading I have wheelie bin filth all over my coat etc. Thenot whilst standing in the same spot, I was distracted and out of nowhere a street cleaner pulled his cart up right next to me!!! As mentioned in a previous post, it was so close it was either touching my coat or 1cm away at the most! 

Lastly, on top of all that, the other day my friend was out and I forgot to give him my gift  (a small cuddly toy/plushie). I knew he wasn't home at that point and his wheelie bin normally sticks out blocking the gate a little. So I asked my cab driver if he would kindly post my gift through the letter box himself. I know it was avoidance ocd, but I had already done so much exposure work and felt good. I knew this particular exposure would be too much, so I had to improvise. However, when the cab driver went to post my card and gift, he had to literally touch the wheelie bin and physically move it out of the way of the gate!!! The bin men must have left it like that after bin collection. The cab driver moved the bin whilst holding my card and gift, then posted it through the letter box! !!!!! My gift now has wheelie bin filth all over it and will now be on my friend and his door etc. Please help! I'm currently paralysed with fear, thinking he's dirty and I'm dirty, and I can't bring myself to leave my hotel and go back home because I'll then contaminate my whole house with wheelie bin filth. 

I really need your help to figure out what to do! I'm dying of fear!

 

Please reply asap!

Edited by lostgirl
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I really need your help to figure out what to do! I'm dying of fear!

What you do is walk right into the middle of the fear.  Not what you want to hear but what you need to do.  The only thing paralysing you and frightening you to death are your own thoughts, the conversations that you are replaying with yourself in your head.  That is the only real danger.

I could get my hands contaminated with dog dirt, I could skip around the hotel room in bare feet, I could run down the street and pull out everyones bin and then eat a sandwich, I could pick up my little nieces and nephews without washing my hands.  Why?  Because I know no-one is at risk from contamination.  Because I don't play those terrifying conversations in my head.

Ashley has contamination issues and yet can now lick the sole of his shoe.  Has his shoe suddenly become different or safe?  No :no:  What changed was his mindset, his understanding and his willingness to expose himself to the things he feared.

Make today a day for changing these things, refuse to be a prisoner anymore....either in a hotel room or in your mind.  Phone a cab, get a drink or watch some TV whilst you wait and make that bid for freedom.

Come on, you can do this :hug:

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Excellent advice. Lostgirl. Whatever else you have - you have choice. You can choose to let an ever demanding and absurd disorder rule your life (and not really live at all in the meantime) - or live.

And on another note - what makes you so special that you have to be so 'clean' - and it doesn't matter for everyone else? :;

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On Wednesday, March 22, 2017 at 14:36, photog13 said:

Hi lostgirl,

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now.  How are you feeling now that it's been a little while since entering the hotel?

 

On Wednesday, March 22, 2017 at 14:43, Caramoole said:

What you do is walk right into the middle of the fear.  Not what you want to hear but what you need to do.  The only thing paralysing you and frightening you to death are your own thoughts, the conversations that you are replaying with yourself in your head.  That is the only real danger.

I could get my hands contaminated with dog dirt, I could skip around the hotel room in bare feet, I could run down the street and pull out everyones bin and then eat a sandwich, I could pick up my little nieces and nephews without washing my hands.  Why?  Because I know no-one is at risk from contamination.  Because I don't play those terrifying conversations in my head.

Ashley has contamination issues and yet can now lick the sole of his shoe.  Has his shoe suddenly become different or safe?  No :no:  What changed was his mindset, his understanding and his willingness to expose himself to the things he feared.

Make today a day for changing these things, refuse to be a prisoner anymore....either in a hotel room or in your mind.  Phone a cab, get a drink or watch some TV whilst you wait and make that bid for freedom.

Come on, you can do this :hug:

 

On Wednesday, March 22, 2017 at 19:13, paradoxer said:

Excellent advice. Lostgirl. Whatever else you have - you have choice. You can choose to let an ever demanding and absurd disorder rule your life (and not really live at all in the meantime) - or live.

And on another note - what makes you so special that you have to be so 'clean' - and it doesn't matter for everyone else? :;

Hey everyone,  thank you so much for your replies. Just thought I'd give an update and give the good news that I managed to leave my hotel today and I'm back home :) I only stayed an extra day than I intended, so it wasn't so bad. I was tempted to stay again today, but reading your messages really helped me. I've been a prisoner of ocd for many years and I've made so much progress, particularly last year. I was determined not to give up. I felt like I was covered in wheelie bin and hotel skank lol, but I purposely went round my favourite shopping centre before leaving the city, bought some stuff from the shops and even ate at my favourite pasta restaurant. Normally if I thought I was contaminated in any way, I wouldn't do these things in fear of contaminating my favourite places and not being able to go there again. So I purposely did everything I wanted to do, regardless of my ocd fears. I'm also pretty proud of myself that I travelled there and back on public tranport, and I haven't showered or washed/changed my clothes since returning home today. I'm just sitting with the anxiety, knowing it will go away eventually. It's funny because when I left the hotel, in the lobby the song 'Changes' by David Bowie suddenly started playing, which I thought was really appropriate at that moment and exactly what I needed to hear :a1_cheesygrin: 

 

Thanks again! 

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12 hours ago, lostgirl said:

So I purposely did everything I wanted to do, regardless of my ocd fears.

.......and that's your ticket out of this.  That is exactly what you do.....so very Well Done, you should be very proud of yourself :hug:  And the more you do things like this the progress will accumulate and it will get easier.

I'm really pleased and proud of you :)

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8 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Well done! :clapping:

 

2 hours ago, Caramoole said:

.......and that's your ticket out of this.  That is exactly what you do.....so very Well Done, you should be very proud of yourself :hug:  And the more you do things like this the progress will accumulate and it will get easier.

I'm really pleased and proud of you :)

Thank you both. Everyone helped me so much, it made a real difference to my mindset! There's this song I love called Silver Lining by First Aid Kit which sticks in my mind at times like these, it goes...

 

'I don't want to wait anymore I'm tired of looking for answers
Take me some place where there's music and there's laughter
I don't know if I'm scared of dying but I'm scared of living too fast, too slow
Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no I've got to go
There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on
And you've just gotta keep on keeping on
Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can't worry 'bout what's behind you or what's coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I've made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won't take the easy road

I've woken up in a hotel room, my worries as big as the moon
Having no idea who or what or where I am
Something good comes with the bad
A song's never just sad
There's hope, there's a silver lining
Show me my silver lining
Show me my silver lining

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I've made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won't take the easy road

I won't take the easy road
The easy road, the easy road

I won't take the easy road
The easy road, the easy road

Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on'

 

I find it very appropriate when tackling my ocd and fighting to be free :) 

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