ERP, am i doing this correctly?, advice appreciated

[Avo]

I need some advice please around something that happened yesterday, sorry if this is too personal but it surrounds masturbation, I had it in my mind to do this act but just before I started In my eye line I caught sight of a picture of my 4yr old son. I went into a slight panic as to if I should postpone this act as I feel I had seen this picture far too close to the act itself (just a couple of minutes) I also thought that if I postpone then I am demonstrating avoidance, so I thought that then best thing to do was proceed as planned. However I worried about this picture of my son popping into my head during and at the 'final' moment, and lo and behold it did.

I am now worrying if this picture was the reason I did this whole act in the first place and that was the real motivation for me, did I do the right or wrong thing by proceeding with this act? I am confused and worrying that it means my worst fears and I may be a p. Should I have not done it or done it? I suspect I should have proceeded but not ruminated over this picture or questions afterwards?

I practise many safety behaviours around this topic, I always make sure I am in a position to shower straight afterwards, so I can wash my parts and hands thoroughly. I won't do this act if I have to pick my son up from pre-school that day as I worry that is the real reason for me doing it and that there may be some substances still on my hands when I go into the building and that I am deliberately spreading this substance at the pre-school. I also tend to do this act in the bathroom only as I can flush anything away immediately. I usually tend to make sure my wife and son are out as well. On the rare occasions they are in  I put the shower on to help drown out their voices, I have been known to try and hum to myself or put toilet paper in my ears incase the shower noise is not enough to do this. I always wash my hands many many times for the rest of the day despite having had a thorough shower.

I am sorry that this is such a personal post, I hope no one is offended by it, in my mind I was trying to do some kind of ERP but not very successfully. Thank you in advance for your feedback.

 

 

[stopthinking]

Erp would be to sit with it and carry on with your day. Stop thinking about it. You masterbated like millions of us do and there happened to be a picture there. Work out what ocd is telling you and just ignore it and sit with the intense anxiety. I sometimes ask if this is its best or worse it can give me.

 

[paradoxer]

'I should have proceeded but not ruminated over this picture or questions afterwards?' There's your answer. 

[Avo]

Thanks for your responses, it's sometimes difficult when you get so caught up in the emotion of everything to think clearly.