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Hi All,

I posted a couple of weeks ago about worrying if I had a crush on a woman at work and had it 'got into my ocd' as it was causing me a lot of anguish as I am married with a child and really don't want anything to effect my relationship. I was ruminating so much I felt like crying I was going over various scenarios in my head around this woman leaving my wife etc.  

 Thanks to the kind advice from fellow board users I treated this crush as an obsessive thought, accepted that we are all human and will be attracted to other people from time to time and the issue would become less significant, which it did. I was doing quite well even with coming into contact with this woman at work, today however has set me off as it was her birthday today, my worry has evolved slightly and I am worried that I am somehow being 'inappropriate.

I am 38 and this woman is probably early 20's  - I heard people asking her how old she was but was not near enough to hear this made me worry as one of my OCD issues is worrying if I am attracted to children, although I know she is not a child as she works and drives a car I am worried about the potential age gap and could I be old enough to be her father?, I am guessing early 20's but could she be late teens? age of consent in the UK is 16  she must at least be 17 or 18 minimum as she drives this makes any potential age gap even wider if she is in her teens and does it somehow lend itself to my fear over being attracted to children.? I get on with her ok and thought about asking her how old she was but decided against it as I thought it may be re-assurance seeking.

Should I have asked her anyway and lived with the anxiety whatever age she said she was or did I do the right thing just not asking in the first place? I am also worried if a crush is somehow more inappropriate than simple physical attraction.

I would appreciate if anyone can advise me on this issue as once again its causing me a lot of distress, has anyone had a similar combination of worries at the same time? Thanks in advance

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1) Is she actually 15 or under?

2) Have you had sex with her?

If the answer to both of those is yes, then you have a real life issue. If the answer to either of those is no, you are away in 'what if' land and need to cease all rumination immediately.

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7 hours ago, Avo said:

I am 38 and this woman is probably early 20's  - I heard people asking her how old she was but was not near enough to hear this made me worry as one of my OCD issues is worrying if I am attracted to children, although I know she is not a child as she works and drives a car I am worried about the potential age gap and could I be old enough to be her father?, I am guessing early 20's but could she be late teens? age of consent in the UK is 16  she must at least be 17 or 18 minimum as she drives this makes any potential age gap even wider if she is in her teens and does it somehow lend itself to my fear over being attracted to children

All of the above is rumination, an urge to check and reassurance seeking = All OCD

Work on cutting the rumination straight away, don't get pulled back in.  It's by learning to recognise these OCD thoughts as they occur and straight away refuse to get drawn back into the cycle.  The more you do this, the more adept you become at doing it.  Give it a try :)

 

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Hi All,

Thank you for your replies, I will indeed try to do what you say, I think I am so used to ruminating that it has become second nature and I actually struggle to realise I am doing it. I have a phone call on Monday with a therapist with a view to starting some CBT soon. I think can't come soon enough.

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Hi Avo

I hope your telephone call in regards to strating cbt went well. I also find it very difficult to realise when I'm ruminating and when I do, it's almost as if I'm too exhausted to tackle the ruminations so they can just take over and make me feel ill. 

This takes up so much energy then I feel I have no energy for anything else and I can really struggle concentrating on conversations with others etc. Like you said it feels so much a part of you its like second nature.

Draven1

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