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I try and try to push this past event that happened in my life out of my brain. This event(s) all my trusted family and friends have told me is not a big deal and don't confess.. I distract, i fight it, I try not to confess. When will it stop? I've had OCD since I was little but this particular guilt over a real past event and the urge to ruminate and confess to my boyfriend popped into my head in October, and it's march and every morning I wake up and it's there. I finally smile and it pops in and steals my nice time. Even when I successfully distract, i still feel it and see it in my peripheral.. 

 

will this ever end? Am I doomed to think of this for the rest of my life and have it steal every loving moment from my relationship? What's the difference if it's bad or not if it feels so terrible. I always think if I just tell him this one thing that happened before we were officially together but still courting, then everything will be okay! It's been three years with my boyfriend and that tiny time frame in the becoming of establishing boyfriend/girlfriend status is haunting me today in regards to who I was also talking to during that time. And what if I did something physical? This is hell!! 

 

 

Edited by paco5959
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Life isn't fair, everyone gets it in some way. With OCD you're very often damned if you do ... damned if you don't - but you're more damned if you give in to your compulsions. Easy to say, but let it go. You're not a newbie to the disorder - remember, OCD is ever demanding 'just one more ritual and I'll be ok' is its MO. Let the thoughts come, but don't engage with them, and nip that stupid ruminating in the bud. Take care. 

Edited by paradoxer
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