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Purposely scaring yourself - is that compulsion?


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I know that this can't be healthy, but I'm going to ask. Sometimes, when I'm in the throes of an OCD panic, I'll purposefully scare myself. For example, I used to be worried about having AIDS, so I would google symptoms on purpose to scare myself. The reason I wanted to scare myself was because, I felt that if I didn't Google these things, I was practicing avoidance.

I messed up yesterday and did this. I googled, "Can you blackout and not remember having sex?" and really made myself spike and ruminate. How do I get rid of the urge to scare myself without it being a compulsion? Is this even a compulsion, or failed ERP in a way?

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I don't know about wanting to scare yourself but Googling such things is a compulsion. It's a type of reassurance seeking. You can either be seeking reassurance that your fear is unfounded or that it is founded.

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I have done this. At certain crisis points I've even asked the interweb the exact question for which I'm seeking reassurance (as if the ether would know whether I remembered to take medication on a particular date!). So whatever it is, you're not alone in experiencing it.

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