sorry,please help AGAIN

[battlethrough]

stuck in the sticky web.

i know this is the same old same old but i need to write on here to stop myself googling.

me and my partners sex life is not great and i dont know if this contributes to this.

i went to bed the other night after a bottle of red wine and in a half sleep i found myself thinking of my mother in law,it came out of the blue,the thoughts were sexual,she is obviously alot older,im 37,i let them be and even entertained them,a fantasy i suppose but it was still uncomfortable,i did not masterbate

i do not find her attractive like that atall,never have but in that daydream i got aroused.

the next day i felt guilt but being tired it kept popping in my head and i let myself think about it again

then crash,i am in this pit of disgust,feeling unfaithfull,needing to confess,googling constantly to find if its normal.

its not ok i know,i dont know why i let it happen

i have had similar experiances and have been told its ocd now because i am obsessing about it and doing compulsions but of cause i find it so hard to beleave and yet again truly beleave im just gross

i love my partner and also think the mind can take you to places but im realy struggling with this.

i feel it wasnt all intrusive and that i entertained it,maby the taboo but is the guilt justified

[PolarBear]

How many times have you been down this road? What do you think you should do?

[battlethrough]

i know pb,im trying to not keep the fire going with compulsions,i bore myself

just sometimes wish i could sleep and never wake

[stopthinking]

Hello battlethrough I understand how you feel. It's so hard but you have to really dig in when we are feeling this way. Take the leap of faith it's the ocd also try telling yourself it's a worrying disorder you have and that's why your feeling this way. Think of the good times you have had you can have them again despite this . 

[battlethrough]

thanks

at work at the moment,it keeps flashing in my head,just dont know how sick thoughts could seem arousing like that

[PolarBear]

Leave it alone. Your worst enemy is your ruminating. Stop trying to answer questions like that.

[battlethrough]

shouldnt i feel guity for entertaining those thoughts though,ocd or not,it feels like unfaithfullness,it truly makes me feel sick,

[Unsurechap]

you can't be blamed for having thoughts. we don not control the content of our minds. focus on what your reaction was - to feel sick. 

[battlethrough]

but i entertained the thoughts,although i didnt masterbate it was an uncomfotable passing fantasy,so i had control wether to fantasize or not

[PolarBear]

You're really asking for reassurance, looking for confirmation that you are a sick puppy. It's not going to happen.

I go back to what I asked before. Based on you going through this many times in the past, what do you think you should do about this?

Edited April 3, 2017 by PolarBear

[battlethrough]

not google,confess,cleverly try to get reasurance,meditate,take my meds everyday,cut out alcohol

[PolarBear]

There you go. I'd emphasize not ruminating. With your track record I know you're sitting there going over this in your head again and again.

[ocdsufferer85]

On 01/04/2017 at 11:34, battlethrough said:

i know pb,im trying to not keep the fire going with compulsions,i bore myself

just sometimes wish i could sleep and never wake

Me too. Me too.