Health Anxiety about son/myself - Help/Advice/Direction please

[Kevyla]

Hi, It's been long while since my last post and I've not felt the need since I had 12 CBT sessions a year or so ago.  I am currently on the waiting list for some refresher sessions with the same clinical psychologist.

At present my OCD is pretty relentless and I only ever seem to get a few good days before the next worry/issue comes along.

In the last few months I've had really bad anxiety, mostly relating to my 9 year old son having cancer or some other serious illness.  I've also had similar worries relating to myself and less frequently my 14 year old daughter and my wife.

I've been to the doctor twice about myself and once with my son, each time for reassurance about moles, lumps or bumps - none of them have been anything to worry about.  I am always asking my wife questions and seeking reassurance when my latest fear crops up.

The latest issue occurred this morning.  I was just taking my son to school and he said he had a pain in his back.  He was still saying it was hurting when we got to school so I said I'd have a look.  There was no bruise or mark, but I could just see his the outline backbone in the middle of his back (he's very slim).  As soon as I looked at it, the anxiety hit me straight away and has stayed with me all day so far.  I'm worried it may be a lump or something else bad and all I want to do is take him to the doctor for reassurance.

This feels like OCD so I know it probably is OCD, but my big fear is that if I do nothing, what if it is something serious and I ignore it? 

I hate the way I'm feeling and I'm also extremely worried I'm going to pass my worrying ways and strange behaviours on to my son.  It's so hard to know what to do for the best.

Any support, suggestions or advice would be gratefully received.

Thanks,

Kevin. 

 

[Unsurechap]

I guess the rational response would be monitor the situation, see if his back still hurts later on and it continues. I think it would be reasonable to go to the doctor if it continues to be sore, BUT you have to trust the doctor's advice, and trust what they tell you..... it does sound like OCD to me, but you are allowed to have a reasonable response to the situation i.e. go to the doctors if the pain remains.... 

[Kevyla]

I totally agree with what you say and if the pain continues, it goes without saying that we would take him to the doctor.  My anxiety is more based around what I saw or worry I might have seen (his backbone/lump), than the pain he's experiencing, which tells me this is OCD.  

I have got to the stage recently where I don't like bathing him or looking at him unless he's fully clothed, for the fear I might see something (bump/mark) which is going to set my anxiety off.  Obviously this isn't right.  

[Unsurechap]

I think your instinct is right, it does sound like OCD.

[PolarBear]

One thing you can do is identify the compulsions you are doing and work hard to stop them. Yours clearly revolve around reassurance and checking. You ask your wife for reassurance. You go to the doctor for reassurance. I bet you check by excessively Googling symptoms.

These compulsions are not helping matters. They arereinforceing in your mind that there was a problem. They are feeding your OCD. 

Trust yourself that if there was a true problem you would deal with it effectively. 

[Kevyla]

Thanks PolarBear.  

You are quite right about my compulsions but I do generally resist the urge to Google stuff, as that hasn't ended well in the past..

Lucas has come home from school today and said the pain went away soon after he went in, so that is no longer an issue (unless the pain returns of course).

However, my mind is now telling me I must check whatever I saw on his back and if I don't, I could be responsible for ignoring something serious.  

It's a horrible feeling, which I obviously want to go away, but on the other hand, I know checking will be reinforcing the OCD.  The other problem is that I sometimes "think" I've seen something unusual or strange and so even if I feel better initially, chances are the OCD will move on to another thing. 

Would you say the best thing is just to try to forget about it and distract myself with other things?  I thought maybe I could just hand responsibility for this situation to my wife?

It's been a tough day and I feel very tired this evening.  

 

Edited April 3, 2017 by Kevyla

[PolarBear]

Yes I would try to ignore it. Getting involved in other things will help keep your mind off your obsessions.

[Kevyla]

Thank you again for your help.

[Kevyla]

Just want to say I am much better today.

I believe a combination of putting into words how I was feeling, PolarBear's advice () and a long chat with my wife has made a big difference.

Don't bottle stuff up people.  If you're struggling, start a post on here or talk to someone about how you're felling, it really does help.  

[PolarBear]

Oh the worst thing you can do is keep it to yourself and just stew on it.