Is this racist?

[Ironborn]

Hello guys.

like an hour ago i was surfing the web and encountered some street fight videos, alot of the time they interest me, i am huge martial arts fan and also have done quite some martials arts myself aswell, but somehow once in a while looking up on some street fight videos gets me thrilled and gets me to release some tension and anxiety i guess??

sometimes in these videos some darker 'skin' coloured guys kicking and punching and teaming up on another (white) guy and alot of the times that gets me  upset,  so today i searched for videos with the title 'white owns black in street fight' and watching such a video showed me that yes, also white people sometimes could win the fight and not only get beaten up. but after watching it i thought about it for a second. Why would i search for white owns black? am i a racist?

i have friends from all kinds of culture's and never considered myself a racist, heck i even hate real racism. but now i feel as if i am what i hate..

I guess i just wanted to see if 'white' people could also win a fight vs other skin colored people, as i felt almost ashamed for my own skin color and needed some confirmation that white people like myself don't suck 100% and could handle themselves in such situations, which got me really excited to see actually they could!

I know this all could come over not so much logical what im putting into words here, but i am just afraid to find out i am something that i actually don't want to be, how could i look some of my fiends in the eye if i am a racist? i am really anxious right now and i am having a hard time to calm down my thoughts.

Once again sorry if the subject about fight videos may make you think i am some sort of a aggressive person, while i actually am the opposite of aggressive, but somehow fight videos make me feel a bit relaxed, sorry for that.

[Imhotep]

Whatever you enjoy is about you, no one needs to judge you for that. Your viewing pleasure doesn't hurt anyone, and the people who fight on these videos consented to fight.

As for the racist thing, you are so worried about being racist probably means you are not racist. If you know people of different ethnicity and enjoy their company, you probably are not a racist. I've met people with racist views, and they don't bat an eyelid from the rubbish they say.

Your mind/OCD has come to a conclusion without any other considerstion other than the video you watched. Let it go, you don't need to chase the question down the rabbit hole. 

[PolarBear]

Maybe you ate a bit racist. Maybe you're not. But ruminating over it is a sure fire way on the compulsion merry go round. Leave it alone.

[paradoxer]

^ Great response. 

[ecomum]

Everyone googles things these days -

its just our ocd makes us over analyse why we did it. Get busy and the worry will fade