OCD Worries, about these boards! advice appreciated

[Avo]

Hi Everyone,

I have been on these boards regularly for a few weeks now and found great comfort and information in them by reading other threads as well as posting some of my own. I have also learned some good advice from others both directly to me and while reading about other peoples worries. However I am concerned my OCD is effecting my enjoyment/appreciation of these boards.

This is because I often re-read topics just browsing, some are very personal and very candid relating often to sexual worries and issues. I have and still have these myself and have posted candidly in the past. I have read with great admiration and sympathy for a lot of them as I know how distressing OCD can be. I have also been very impressed with the advice given.

My concern is that I question my reasons for re-reading some of them, mainly ones that mention sexual issues I skip over ones relating to and sexual worries around children as I have this worry, I  worry somehow I am getting some kind of 'kick' out of these ones if I read them properly..  I also worry around adults sexual posts as I could legitimately find some of the descriptions arousing and this makes me feel guilty as If I am reading these again for some kind of sexual 'kick' again, when the person describing them is going through such difficult issues. I feel ashamed and guilty for this  and am considering leaving the boards for a while. would this just be avoidance if I did?. I have been ruminating on this issue for a while now and it has ruined my day, it's been lovely weather here and instead of enjoying my afternoon with my family I have let this issue drag me down.

Can anyone else relate to this at all? does this make me a bad person?

 

 

[PolarBear]

I'm not going yo answer your second question because you are asking for reassurance and that is a compulsion. 

What you need to do is stop avoiding those sexually charged posts. Read them through, once, and read the advice given. Do your best to not ruminate over the posts. They're just words. 

[Avo]

Thanks PolarBear, I do sometimes go back to a post if I see it's a particularly long one getting a lot of replies I suppose this is normal as I am wondering how the person is coping as the hours and days go by.? this can apply to posts of all topics. I expect others may do this too?

[OceanDweller]

Of course Avo. Revisiting posts to follow the OP's progress is a sign that you are a caring human.

[Avo]

Thanks both for your feedback, I would hate my OCD to influence my use of these boards, they do feel like a lifeline at times. I have just started a fresh course of CBT, had the first session last week, I wonder if this has somehow upped my stress levels as I try to confront the various issues I have.