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Bad suicidal thoughts..


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Has anyone else had severe suicidal thoughts along with OCD/POCD?  My family is concerned to the point where I'm almost on a watch because despite everything I've read and try and believe about my OCD, its just gotten so overwhelming recently.  Can an anxiety spike cause this?  I feel like I'm one really bad day away from doing something permanently stupid and have been compulsively looking up the topic and even tested a few times.  Can medication also cause this?  Just feeling so hopeless. 

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10 hours ago, Zazoo said:

Has anyone else had severe suicidal thoughts along with OCD/POCD?  My family is concerned to the point where I'm almost on a watch because despite everything I've read and try and believe about my OCD, its just gotten so overwhelming recently.  Can an anxiety spike cause this?  I feel like I'm one really bad day away from doing something permanently stupid and have been compulsively looking up the topic and even tested a few times.  Can medication also cause this?  Just feeling so hopeless. 

Hi Zazoo. I felt compelled to reply to your post, as I saw it had gone unnoticed by everyone else on the forum, and I feel you need someone right now. 

I have suffered from ocd for over 10 years, and have unfortunately had suicidal thoughts from time to time, especially last year and I've had some bad moments this year too. I get mine when I just feel very overwhelmed by everything in general. I think if your anxiety is flaring up, it will no doubt have an effect on your general wellbeing and ultimately your state of mind. The key is whenever you feel down, try doing things which you know make you happy. Even if you don't feel like it at the time, try doing positive things. Also try and talk to someone about how you feel, if you're lucky enough to have family or friends as support. 

I must admit, when I was taking medication a few years ago, it made me highly depressed. I was on citalopram, and I felt so down that I had to stop taking it.  If you're taking medication, it's possible you could be getting the same side effect I had. 

Good luck with your recovery.  You can beat ocd :) Just take it one day at a time.

 

 

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Thank you for your kind reply.  I was having a bad weekend and luckily I do have people I can talk to about my issue.  I find my medication (Zoloft, risperidone) is a mixed reaction, some days I feel fine and other days I have the suicidal thoughts pretty badly, it just depends.  I think your right though, it is generally when I feel overwhelmed by my thoughts or things in general.  I try not to ruminate and live in the present but find its hard to put it into practice at times.  I'll also take your suggestion to heart about doing something which makes me happy, thank you again. 

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What I would like to know is, are you having suicidal thoughts or are you having suicidal intrusive thoughts? There's a big difference. Sufferers can sometimes get obsessions about suicide.

The difference is the intrusive suicidal thoughts scare you and cause anxiety and you don't want them, whereas the other is not like that.

Either way it's okay but you should figure out which one you're dealing with.

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A combination of both actually, I've actually attempted a couple of times (survival instinct, logic) and intrusive because on bad days I have to fight them off; end up getting obsessed and looking on line for related stuff or "practicing" .  I'm backing off now but its been more than a bit scary. 

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Hi Zazoo, 

Suicidal thoughts happen to me when I lose control. I can't rationalise my thoughts and feelings so I just think it would be better if I wasn't here. I'd never do it though - I have such a wonderful life, boyfriend and family but when your mind goes into overdrive, sometimes it's the only thought that helps. 

Focus on the positives you have around you right now. What exactly are you obsessing about? Is it one thing in particular? Or everything in general? OCD is an awful illness and I didn't realise I had it until I started reading up on it. I thought I had bad anxiety. You can and will feel better though. Try and put things into perspective - your life is worth more than this and YOU are worth more than this. 

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7 hours ago, Zazoo said:

A combination of both actually, I've actually attempted a couple of times (survival instinct, logic) and intrusive because on bad days I have to fight them off; end up getting obsessed and looking on line for related stuff or "practicing" .  I'm backing off now but its been more than a bit scary. 

Hi Zazoo  :-)

As well as these things that you've been doing, is there something instead that you enjoy doing?  It might sound like a daft question, but I picked up the word 'overwhelm' earlier in this thread...just thinking how about practicing switching your focus to something that interests you that's positive in some way.  At first it will be hard, but just do 5 mins a day and build up.  I'm trying to read a book at the moment despite the way I'm feeling.  It just introduces something else into the mindset to start changing the patterns.

Edited by Juliex
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Yes I am feeling overwhelmed by everything, especially the emotional ups and downs.  There are days where I feel like I'm just going to have a complete mental breakdown.  I've had bad anxiety and stress before but its always been manageable, this form of OCD is a new beast all in itself and I feel at times like I'm going to be eaten alive by it in the end.  I admit I get emotional easily, always have.  For me its the nagging doubt which I hate, its a bad trigger for me.  I'm just trying to hang on. 

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