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Suffering so much and messing things up


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Hi everyone. 

Just needed some help and advice. I have been suffering with cheating OCD for sometime and have had a number of intrusive thoughts from me kissing other girls and now some really different ones. I'm always insecure that I'm going to mess up in my relashinship. I have the best girl in the world. She is my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I have recently got over an intrusive thought. I have had this thought for a year and only get one at a time. They usually last ages. But since I got over this thought I have had two different thought in five days. I've got over another one but I'm stuck on one. I can't stress enough that I don't want you to judge because I have no idea if this is true. In my girlfriends old house she lived with two flat mates they use to have a clothes rack to dry there clothes. I no i picked up one her flat mates underwear while my girlfriend was their and I asked her who's are these. That was fine. This was over a year ago. 

But the other day a thought popped into my head saying that I had sniffed another girls underwear. Please don't judge as I have no idea if this is true.  I just need some advice on the matter. 

Thank you 

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Well....

I suppose humans are allowed to sniff as well as dogs.  I mean we are living beings, with noses....

Seriously I understand you thinking it wasn't a very nice thing to do (if it was actually done) but.....well...it's clearly ocd because if I'd really have sniffed some guy's underwear, there would be no guilt whatsover.  I'd just be like, that was a bit random, doing that...

But you know something.  I pointed out once, years ago to my dad that humans are too curious, they like to know stuff that's none of their business sometimes.  And his reply?  (and he was a really good man) 'That's why we are no longer in caves.'

Curiosity takes many forms.  Whether you did it or not, no one got hurt.

 

 

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15 minutes ago, Ocdfree419 said:

And I have only thought of it nearly a year and a half later so it hasn't bothers me for all this time. I've never thought of it before. So I have no idea 

That's most likely because what's actually been activated is not anything to do with what happened, what's been activated is your ocd, maybe brain chemistry.  I find I'm worse if I've had a throat infection, etc....and better if I up my intake of fruit and veg and when I'm fully well.  I never thought that mattered before but there is some evidence.  

In any case it's the ocd that is at work, hence something comes up from the past.

You mentioned 'getting rid' of thoughts.  I believe that's the opposite of the CBT approach to OCD.  Something to think about.  Maybe work with a therapist on this, but make sure they are fully trained in CBT for OCD....that is of course just my advice based on years of experience with this condition, I'm not an expert though.

I believe (and this works for me) that the solution is to sit with the anxiety of the possibility that it happened.  Even if you only do that for 5 mins a day.  The thought should gradually lose its hold over you and you won't have to 'sort it out' or 'get rid' of it because it will no longer bother you.  :-)

 

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Here's the thing, OCDfree. You don't know what you did and you will NEVER know what you did. Regardless it's a minor thing that does not deserve you sitting there ruminating over it. Leave it alone. Refuse to get into mind debates over this. Chock it up to experience. Think "Yeah, whatever!" Drop it and get on with your life.

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Sorry to post again. But I've got another problem. When ever I'm near other girls I get a bit of anxiety and the thoughts start to rush in. At my old job we were all on a trip outside somewhere. And there was this girl who was quite good looking but I stood fairly closer to her. And then again later I stood fairly close to her. I can't tenner if I was trying to start conversation or not. But now I'm thinking this is unacceptable. I no I was standing fairly close to her quite a bit. I've been doing really well recently but I 100% no that this happend. Is what I've done a wrong. 

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4 hours ago, Ocdfree419 said:

Sorry to post again. But I've got another problem. When ever I'm near other girls I get a bit of anxiety and the thoughts start to rush in. At my old job we were all on a trip outside somewhere. And there was this girl who was quite good looking but I stood fairly closer to her. And then again later I stood fairly close to her. I can't tenner if I was trying to start conversation or not. But now I'm thinking this is unacceptable. I no I was standing fairly close to her quite a bit. I've been doing really well recently but I 100% no that this happend. Is what I've done a wrong. 

The question I would ask isn't whether standing close to her was wrong, but rather why such a question entered your headspace at all. The vast majority of folk wouldn't have paid it any mind. So what does that tell you?

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6 minutes ago, Ocdfree419 said:

Thanks for replying. Would most people not give it a second thought. I no this seems stupid but my girlfriend is so inortant to me and I don't want to have done anything to hurt her 

You're welcome. It's only significant if you make it so. Most people would not give it a first thought, let alone a second one!

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You need to think in your head, would you do that? You know yourself. Don't let the OCD take over and make you think you did something you probably didn't. Also a good way to think is, surely you would remember something like that? Have a deep think, would you have remembered? Would you have done it? Remember there is always help out there! Stay positive, you will get past this :)

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Sorry to post about this again but I'm having  a rough time. I can't help feeling if this is true that it is really bad. I haven't thought about it before and there are so many signs that I didn't do it. But what if I did. Just need some help with this. Thank you. 

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Therein lies the OCD conundrum. You are desperate for certainty but you can't have it. You try to get certainty by checking your memory, asking for reassurance and ruminating, but certainty can't be found. So you do even more compulsions.

The sooner you give up the search for the truth, the sooner you'll start to recover from this episode. You have to let it go and leave it unanswered. That's the way forward for you, otherwise you'll remain stuck.

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Thank you PB. I have accepted the thoughts the whole week I've been saying it might of happend or might not have. And sometimes saying it did but who cares. This has helped but I've got my self back in the old cycle I think 

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