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Worried again - sorry


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As you all probably know I've had a stressful couple of weeks and wanted to thank everyone for their help. 

I'm starting to panic again. I woke up (haven't been sleeping well) and noticed I had a blob of blood on my stomach that had started to clot. I can't really remember when it happened or why but there was no cut that I could remember. 

I wiped it and it may have continued to bleed but I can't be sure. I've been sleepwalking and opening my front door as of late (think it's because of what happened last week) with the door being left open and I'm petrified someone came in and stuck me with a needle. 

I have no idea why or how I would get blood on my stomach and I remember it feeling quite tender. I have absolutely no idea what would've caused this. I was in bed - drifting in and out of sleep. 

I can't think of any other way to explain it -seeing as my door was probably unlocked someone must've come in and done it. I've been in a delirious state and don't think I would've noticed someone come in. 

I'm so scared. I didn't check for bruises or anything and only remembered the incident last night. 

Sorry for the post

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Elle, can you not see the pattern here?

In the last couple of weeks (according to your thoughts) you have been raped, you have HIV and and now someone has sneaked into your home and stuck you with a needle!

You have to work hard now to recognise that these are thoughts, doubts and fears created by OCD, not reality.  Sure, they will feel very real, very convincing but as I've explained they will, and they will keep happening.  On the journey to recovery the first step is accepting just how OCD can affect one, what sort of thoughts are common and then really taking this on board and applying the tried and trusted advice that we know works.

When that first intrusive thought or puzzling "thing" happens you will probably feel an immediate whoosh of anxiety, it's at that point that you take action.  You label it for what it is, you learn that your brain will try to pull you in to thinking about this, to investigate it and you work very hard to resist carrying out compulsions as a method to deal with it (namely, rumination, looking things up, checking, seeking reassurance).  You take that first blow on the chin but carry on.  It WILL continue to taunt you, over and again but you must work to resist those compulsions.

Using compulsions to manage OCD, to try and work it out will ensure that you continue to struggle in this way.  If you work towards reducing and stopping those compulsions recovery is around the corner.  The same advice is true whatever the thoughts, whether it's fear of contamination (cleaning and disinfecting things), fear of harming (hiding knives and making sure you're not alone with people) or fear of being raped.....compulsions are the fuel that keeps the thoughts alive and troublesome.

Back to the starting point, accept the cause of the fears and work on resisting those compulsions :)

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27 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Elle, can you not see the pattern here?

In the last couple of weeks (according to your thoughts) you have been raped, you have HIV and and now someone has sneaked into your home and stuck you with a needle!

You have to work hard now to recognise that these are thoughts, doubts and fears created by OCD, not reality.  Sure, they will feel very real, very convincing but as I've explained they will, and they will keep happening.  On the journey to recovery the first step is accepting just how OCD can affect one, what sort of thoughts are common and then really taking this on board and applying the tried and trusted advice that we know works.

When that first intrusive thought or puzzling "thing" happens you will probably feel an immediate whoosh of anxiety, it's at that point that you take action.  You label it for what it is, you learn that your brain will try to pull you in to thinking about this, to investigate it and you work very hard to resist carrying out compulsions as a method to deal with it (namely, rumination, looking things up, checking, seeking reassurance).  You take that first blow on the chin but carry on.  It WILL continue to taunt you, over and again but you must work to resist those compulsions.

Using compulsions to manage OCD, to try and work it out will ensure that you continue to struggle in this way.  If you work towards reducing and stopping those compulsions recovery is around the corner.  The same advice is true whatever the thoughts, whether it's fear of contamination (cleaning and disinfecting things), fear of harming (hiding knives and making sure you're not alone with people) or fear of being raped.....compulsions are the fuel that keeps the thoughts alive and troublesome.

Back to the starting point, accept the cause of the fears and work on resisting those compulsions :)

I can't see someone until Monday and it's driving me crazy. I'm going out of my mind. I'm so sorry to seem like a broken record. I feel so awful. 

I can't think of any way to describe the bleeding though and the door was open again. I can't do this - it's making me feel so low. Knowing my luck this is definitely someone that would happen. I can't cope.

I can't concentrate on anything and I have this feeling of doom. I'm such a mess. I just want to sleep all the time and when I wake up and I'm shaky and panicky. I just want this to end. I wish someone would remove my brain from my head and replace it with a new one. 

I can't resist anything. I can't do this anymore. I can't comprehend where the blood would've come from and it's killing me. This hasn't happened to anyone before and it sounds like I'm making it up but I'm not 100%. I was bleeding and it looked like needle mark. 

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Because you are ruminating over this, trying to figure it out, you are causing yourself to get stuck. You are getting wound up and becoming more anxious because you give the thoughts meaning and because you are doing compulsions.

You've got to clamp diwn, chock the experience up to the unknown and move on from it. No amount of ruminating will bring you the clarity you seek.

And you don't need to see anyone about this. That's just another compulsion that isn't going to fix anything.

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Elle....I'm not going to discuss this recent fear with you or engage with your OCD nor should anyone else.

Read the advice and do your best to work with it.  It is the way out of this distress, no matter how it feels that you can't..... you can, just do your best to try :)

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