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Feel so bad in the mornings


Guest David green

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On 4/20/2017 at 21:25, David green said:

I wake up in such a state with the urges dont know if its because the medication has run out.I really dont know what to do i dredd it every day

I think this may be rumination, for instance.

Make sure you reduce the number of compulsions you make. The anxiety will probably still be there, but it won't be as bad, then you can work on accepting your thoughts - through mindfulness.

You focus so so much on these things you are feeling in the morning. I've been there, I've done that, dreading going to sleep every night in my case, but it didn't help me at all.

Well, for me hospitalization was a good opportunity - definitely not the best - to stop this cycle of having to go to sleep, then dreading all day the moment I'll have to go to sleep again and dreading the moment I'll talk with my boyfriend and with my mother and with everyone really because I couldn't stand the thoughts in my head.

I reached a point when I just thought some night, after not getting enough sleep for three weeks, nor food "okay, I'll cheat on my boyfriend, I am a horrible person, I'll never get a boyfriend again, I'm a bitch".. and I slept like a baby that night!

Back then I didn't know that you can't fight your thoughts and the more you try to do it the more they will come back to you. But you know.

Maybe the OCD lies to you, but I'm sure that by know you know that

1. OCD lies

2. you can't fight your thoughts - you have nothing else to do but to accept them

3. your sensations and urges don't have to mean anything for you to have them - actually, the more you will fear them, the more you will have them, because our brain gives us more thoughts of what we fear - ironically 

So I understand that it can be extremely difficult for you right now. But take your medication, keep in touch with a doctor, find a good CBT therapist and find something nice to focus on.

For me it was reading in those times. I was trying to read, and every time my mind would wonder off I would continue to read. I had nothing else to do but to accept the thoughts and keep on reading. Of course I would have compulsions around reading and I didn't focus anymore on what was distressing me, but on the fact that I didn't read a word properly, which wasn't awesome, but it still kept my mind off the things which really scared me at that point, so I believe it helped me in some degree

Edited by chaosed
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Guest David green

Im worried about the neighbours im sure they know i hardly go out and avoid them feeling it this morning it feels like the end for me to take my life now.I wish i could just take my life i really do

Edited by David green
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Guest David green
12 minutes ago, PhilM said:

If you feel that bad I think you need to go to A&E or phone up one of the organisations mentioned above.

Spoke to my cpn i dont know if im going to be able to make it to him tomorrow he said he has to talk to the home treatment team to see if i can get admited.

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Feel free not to answer: What do you think being admitted will achieve? Will you feel safer? Do you think the intensity of your thoughts will lessen? More importantly, do you want to be admitted?

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Guest David green
5 minutes ago, PhilM said:

Feel free not to answer: What do you think being admitted will achieve? Will you feel safer? Do you think the intensity of your thoughts will lessen? More importantly, do you want to be admitted?

I dont know what i want anymore i cant cope phill

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Guest David green

Im back from maudsley hospital phill and god was that scary

 

I stayed at st thomas's the night until around 12 then started having second thoughts about going to a psychiatric ward then two guys from the hospital spoke to me saying they could section me so i had to go through with it.After 12am i was taken to maudsley and it was dirty most the patients gave me a fright but were all cool in the end except one violent one.It was hard but i did get out of there today the place was making me worse i did tell the staff that.

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Guest David green
1 minute ago, PhilM said:

The thing is you posted the other day that you wanted to be admitted so why would they section you?

If i wanted to change my mind about going into hospital they could of sectioned me

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Guest David green
38 minutes ago, PhilM said:

So they assessed you and decided you didn't need to be in hospital?

 

They were waiting on what my care coordinator said and he just told me they wanted to section me.They said stay a few days but it was really bad in there.

Edited by David green
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Well I think you were very lucky not to be sectioned - even for the minimum amount of time which I believe is 72 hours to assess you. More importantly, are you feeling any better than a couple of days ago?

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Guest David green

Im still all nerves after waking up sensitive to children if i see them.I just had a panic in tescos.

 

yeah i was very lucky not to be sectioned the place was horrible.

Edited by David green
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OK so you don't want to be in hospital so how do you think you can move forward outside an environment like that? I genuinely believe you can re-build your confidence and self-belief even if it is a very slow process....which it has and is still is for me. The main thing I believe is moving forward - reflecting on the past and not dwelling.

You know in your heart you are not a danger to children. That's not reassurance - I just sense your distress which I have experienced myself.

Best wishes,

Phil

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Guest David green

I was also worried if patients kids came to the hospital other patients would notice how i am just as if they escorted me on a walk.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest David green

This morning was bad feeling like i was a bad person and i dont even think my neighbours were there.

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nobody is completely good or bad. we are all humans. why would you be more bad than your neighbours? you don't know them. you don't know what's in their head. if you don't judge people based on the stuff in their head, why do you judge yourself based on the stuff in your head? learn to be nonjudgemental towards yourself and towards others. learn to observe your thoughts without judgement. try to be more attuned to the bigger scheme of things. it may help you. we are all human, we are born and we die. we have but a glipse of eternity in our hands. this is the way you want to live your life? your precious gift the nature has given to you. if your neighbours would have ocd, it would be a pretty good chance that they would feel they are bad too. the world doesn't judge you based on the stuff in your head. it doesn't define you. it's not who YOU are. you are defined by your actions. now you are afraid, and your actions show it: you avoid places, situations, you avoid living because of your fears. that's all. to wake up each morning fearing you may be a bad person, or even being certain that you are, that's not something that a "bad" person would do. you have feelings, you care, you are not a bad person. but you can't be labeled as a "good" person either. none of us can be labeled as good or as bad. we have bad qualities and good qualities. we succeed and we fail. but you can not contain the complexity of a human being in such little words as "good" or "bad".

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Guest David green

Its really horrible being like this why is it happening to me.I am really scared thats how it makes me feel.i dredd going out as im so sensitive to children.Was thinking of suicide on and off.

Edited by David green
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