OCD? Please Help!

[Louise1994]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and would appreciate any opinions on this! I'm so sorry if this will be a very long story, I'm just in a big mess with my mental health with being tossed between different diagnoses and I just don't know what to do anymore! :'( I'm autistic and I've been diagnosed with 2 personality disorders, and I'm more than certain that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder too (dismissed as behaviors of autism by the psychiatrist)

 

I obsess uncontrollably on things really hard such as a topic, something regarding my health, relationships in my life etc that cause me a great deal of anxiety and upset! I repeat words, phrases or random short sounds in my head that I heard at that moment, and if noone is around, I will whisper them over and over again to myself, and if I don't it causes me to get anxious! I ramble about a topic whilst pacing up and down the room, or even in and out the room sometimes unaware of it until the other person tells me I'm doing it. If I touch something with one hand, I have this anxious urge to do the same with my other hand, then both my hands at the same time after. I count things such as spots on objects over and over again to check that there's an even number of them on the object, and if there's an odd number of them, it causes me to get tensed up and slightly anxious. I experience intrusive thoughts alot of the time about hurting others (though I'd never dream of doing) that make me feel so ashamed and disgusted at myself and so upset, because the thoughts can be so violent! I'm often left feeling suicidal much of the time by these thoughts, and constant obsessions that I can't get away from  for nearly two years(up until I received my diagnoses) I've had a long and uncontrollable obsession of finding answers to all my problems by searching different mental disorders up online leading to me worrying excessively about each one and trying to diagnose myself with each of them, which lead to depression, which then I decided to get help! I received my diagnoses for 2 personality disorders(1 week ago) but no OCD diagnoses!! My psychiatrist told me that because I have autism and the behaviors of both autism and OCD are very similar, she couldn't make a diagnosis for it!  I just don't know what to do with myself anymore as this is crippling me, my anxiety is through the roof every day obsessing over this so much  

 

Does it sound like I have this disorder? I would really appreciate any opinions right now!

[Louise1994]

I forgot to say that because of these intrusive thoughts, when I accidentally hurt someone(such as catching them with my nail), I will go into a big panic and apologize over and over again, or at times I will even break into tears, and feel ever so bad about it for the rest of the day!

[Dreamerr]

Hello Louise1994,

In my childhood I went through this touching and counting OCD thing. I had to touch things with my bouth hands, and count things for a certain number of times. Feeling extremely guilty about everything is also common in OCd, it is what I am dealing with now. However only your psychiatrist can diagnose it. You should talk to your psychiatrist about your concerns. I hope you get better.

[Louise1994]

14 minutes ago, Dreamerr said:

Hello Louise1994,

In my childhood I went through this touching and counting OCD thing. I had to touch things with my bouth hands, and count things for a certain number of times. Feeling extremely guilty about everything is also common in OCd, it is what I am dealing with now. However only your psychiatrist can diagnose it. You should talk to your psychiatrist about your concerns. I hope you get better.

Hey Dreamerr!

 

Thank you so much for your reply! And thank you for the advice to discuss it with my psychiatrist, I'll try!

 

I understand completely that only the psychiatrist can diagnose it, it's just that because she dismissed it all as part of my autism, I guess I feel I needed an opinion from someone who has the condition.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the extreme guilt too, and I too hope you get better Dreamerr! Hugs.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Louise1994

[Wonderer]

Hey, I don't see why she dismissed them because u have autism, regardless of autism you're finding this very distressing and she should be working with u on this! My son has autism and was diagnosed with OCD last week! Autism of course has symptoms of OCD but I was told before the kind of OCD type symptoms are quite different from full blown OCD, so now as my son is presenting with much more actual full blown OCD symptoms he now has a co-morbid diagnoses! Definitely discuss ur concerns with her, that's what she is there for xx

[Louise1994]

Hey Wonderer! I'm so sorry to hear about your sons diagnoses and I do hope he starts to get better from this!

 

Thank you so much for your advice I will definitely try to discuss this with her and how bad it's making me. I have read on autism and the ocd like symptoms, and I see they're similar but with the difference of actual OCD symptoms causing anxiety, and that's exactly how it is for me!

 

I'm almost certain I have this condition, and I know it's going to be hard to stop obsessing over it until I get to see my psychiatrist

[Louise1994]

I just thought, because of my PD diagnoses, could the whole OCD diagnosis be too risky for her to make because it would be too overwhelming for her to have to deal with my Personality Disorders plus OCD, and that's why she won't make it? or am I reading too much into things right now?  

[Wonderer]

Yes Louise, I was told that autism OCD type symptoms are more comforting than distressing, such as a need for things to be in a particular order and special interests etc, my son has those anyways but the OCD symptoms he started to present with were much different and fill him with anxiety and distress. I don't think she wouldn't be making a diagnoses as its overwhelming for her because she still has to work with whatever symptoms u have regardless of the labels! Make sure u convey ur distress to her, she may well not have the full picture at the moment! Xx

[Razzio]

Community mental health team was saying that I had autism and saying that this rituals which was ocd rituals are what people with autism do. But when I got diagnosed by an autism diagosised  team they said no you do have autism but has well has ocd.

[Louise1994]

Wow, what you have both written there actually sounds so familiar to me!

 

I actually do have comforting compulsions(been told this is called stimming for autistics) such as flapping my hands, flicking my fingers, rocking back and fourth, I do all of those. And then there's the compulsions that cause a lot of anxiety. I could have both from what you both have wrote. I was diagnosed with autism from a young age, but that being said these OCD type behaviors started when I was quite young too! hmmm I honestly don't know, but I will most definately discuss this with my psychiatrist, or at least try to! thank you all so much for the advice!

[PolarBear]

It is possible you have both. I have come across a number of people who are on the autism spectrum and who have a clinical diagnosis of OCD.

I guess I should ask, how much do these symptoms bother you? If they are troublesome, they should be dealt with. Learning CBT to deal with your intrusive thoughts and compulsive tendencies isn't likely to hurt you. It can only help.

[Louise1994]

Hey PolarBear! Thank you for your reply!

 

I've been constantly obsessed and overly anxious with intrusive thoughts that I've done, or might do something to hurt someone(in a violent way) though I'd never dreaming of doing such a thing at all!  I get them when I'm around people, such as a family member and even when I'm alone and not doing anything(the thoughts come with violent images) It leaves me feeling ever so disgusted ashamed and upset that I'd even be thinking such things when it's something I'd never dream of doing! and if I hurt someone accidentally such as knocking them  slightly with my hand(example) I go into panic mode, and apologize to them over and over again, and like I said before I'll even burst into tears, and the feelings are there with me for a long time!

 

Thank you for your advice that I should consider getting help with this from my psychiatrist, PolaBear!

[Louise1994]

Also, this is another sign (to me) that I have this condition >> Even though it's the intrusive thoughts that are causing me the most distress right now, it will be another symptom later on that I'll be obsessing about, before intrusive thoughts, it was the constant repeating words, sounds in my head that I started whispering to myself(loudly if noone is around), and since most of the time it's a word someone has said at that moment, I was very worried that I'd repeat that word out loud and the other person hearing and thinking very badly of me or that I'm crazy. and even though it's still there and causes me to get anxious, it hasn't got my obsessive attention that the intrusive thoughts have  

Edited April 22, 2017 by Louise1994

[PolarBear]

Repeating words like that is called palilalia I believe.

Edited April 22, 2017 by PolarBear

[Louise1994]

Hey PolarBear,

 

Hmmm, I'll have a read on that. Is that part of OCD too? or is it something that occurs with autism?

[Louise1994]

I just read up on palilalia, and I'm so confused! it occurs in both autism and OCD! grrrr! I'm honestly just going to assume(until I see my psychiatrist) that I have OCD too.

Edited April 22, 2017 by Louise1994