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Thanks Roy! 

I wasn't sure, I just wanted to seek other people's views and find out what they thought ? 

In some ways I feel mine is OCD related and in other ways not, so was unsure whether it is or isn't related? 

Lost 

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In the three I know, they couldn't bear to throw anything away "in case it just might be needed". 

In the case of my mother-in-law, most of it wouldn't be but she wouldn't let us throw it away - subtly, we did anyway or we would have been tripping over stuff. 

The OCD irrationally told her that "unusable"or" not required" things must not be discarded because they just might be needed. 

This is similar to the theme of the other two - my sister and her friend. They have been getting help and gradually parting with things. 

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Yes I've been working really hard on mine too, in fact I'm doing really well I've cleared two rooms so far. 

I will try and explain in simple terms if I can why it confuses me whether it's related or not ? 

Some of the things I keep are because I no longer use them or have no further use for them but they are in excellent condition and to good to throw away. I also fear if I give them to a charity shop I might just need them at a later date and I wouldn't be able to afford to replace them so I keep them just in case. Whilst I've been sorting the rooms out and disposing of these items whether to the skip or a charity shop I become anxious of the what if I've made a mistake, what if I need them and can't afford to replace them etc.

The other part is this one. Since the birth of my daughter my OCD increased immensely so every precious moment I latched onto it whether it be an item of clothing, a toy, her feeding dishes etc that I associated with those happy moments. The reason I couldn't bear to part with these items was the association I placed on them, these items reminded me of happy moments I wanted to keep hold of them forever and each time I look at these items they made me feel so happy so I didn't want to let go of these precious thoughts I'd captured even through some of my darkest days. These were the precious thoughts I wanted to hold onto. The reason I get really anxious about these items and sorting them out to either sell or to go to charity shops is because it's like I'm getting rid of these precious memories I hold so dear and I'm afraid of forgetting them and that I'm a really bad person for even thinking about it, clearing out such precious items that hold such special memories, how bad that makes me feel and if I do so it's like I'm a uncaring person for doing this, getting rid of my most treasured memories and if I do and something bad happens it will be because of me. 

Hope this makes sense 

lost 

 

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Hoarders make up all sorts of justifications as to why they need to keep things. At the end of the day, they have too much stuff and their lives become consumed by the hoard.

We went the opposite way and got rid of pretty much everything we didn't use. We spend no time searching and digging for something because everything has its place. It's freeing.

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Morning lost :)

I did a little "snowbear"  work - she says she does some of her best thinking whilst asleep :sleep: - and have emerged from my slumbers ready to roll on this. 

The OCD alleges that we can't discard things, they "just might"  have a use. 

But we are downsizing, and still sorting through some of our own things, and remaining things brought back from mother-in-law's flat to sort (hidden amongst the dross was an occasional really useful gem, an item better than our own equivalent (which we thus discarded)  or something of immense sentimental value that passed all the tests and we wanted to keep). 

One such thing is a plastic mantelpiece clock, made to look like a valuable wooden heirloom. 

Why keep that? - well my parents-in-law loved that clock, and it was a standing joke that it was called the "heirloom". It now has pride of place in my wife's "den" and provides happy memories of her parents as well as being a good timepiece. 

Things - other than sentimentality - must (using my test for worth)  have a use. We are being very strict and giving away, throwing away loads of things that we simply cannot take with us to a smaller property. 

And the deal-clincher - and what can beat the OCD - is the thought that we can always find something to do the job of an item we ultimately find a need for and regret discarding - the Internet and e-bay would no doubt assist. 

This applies a rational approach to counter the irrational OCD. 

Value 

Something valuable but without any use or massive sentimentality, and which we don't want to pass on within the family, can be sold of course. 

Sentimentality 

Well those things that directly connect you with your daughter are massively important to you. 

But, practically, the best way forward is to keep some - which is all you actually need for that purpose - and give away, maybe to a charity shop or friends - others, in a way that you know they can have new meaning for others. 

The  thinking - something bad will happen if I part with this item - is OCD magical thinking. As with this theme of OCD in general, the standard approach is understanding what the OCD is up to - it's an irrational rule being applied - and determining to go about breaking its power in "small steps", realising it is magical thinking, testing that with reality and practicality and ERP. 

The OCD'S other powerful tool is alleging you are bad if you want to discard something connecting you with your daughter. 

This is - purely and simply - a normal OCD approach ; but it has no real value, it is OCD turning your core value of love for your daughter on its head.

See its game, see what it's up to - and remember your true core values. 

It's a long answer, but I am hoping it will  work for you, my dear friend. 

Roy 

 

 

Edited by taurean
addition
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10 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Hoarders make up all sorts of justifications as to why they need to keep things. At the end of the day, they have too much stuff and their lives become consumed by the hoard.

We went the opposite way and got rid of pretty much everything we didn't use. We spend no time searching and digging for something because everything has its place. It's freeing.

Hi PolarBear, thanks for your reply and your views regarding hoarding,

I can't say I wasnt a little hurt at first by your comment that hoarders make up all justifications to why they need to keep things, because all that I said in the above is totally true. But given time to reread your post I totally understand where you are coming from and why we need to justify keeping all these things and for what ever reason it should be. 

I did become overwhelmed by all of these items which took over 6 places in my home ? 2 sheds, the attic and 3 rooms:(

I have started in a positive way to sort these rooms and I'm doing really well and if it doesn't have a place in my home then I decide what's the best thing to do with it. As for precious things that pull on my heart strings because of the importance and the happy memories I associate with them I take photo of. 

So far I've cleared two rooms and doing really well, I'm not going to say it isn't difficult because it is and yes I do get really anxious and upset about it, but on the same hand I know it's the right thing to do :)

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I certainly didn't mean to hurt you, though sometimes the truth hurts.

It sounds like you've made some really positive moves toward letting go and that's terrific. Remember that fixing the problem doesn't mean getting rid of everything. It's about balance.

Even though we have decluttered drastically, we still have a box of our kids things tucked away in a closet. It's all good. The thing is, you just don't want your stuff to run your life. If it isn't, there isn't a problem.

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3 hours ago, taurean said:

Morning lost :)

I did a little "snowbear"  work - she says she does some of her best thinking whilst asleep :sleep: - and have emerged from my slumbers ready to roll on this. 

The OCD alleges that we can't discard things, they "just might"  have a use. 

But we are downsizing, and still sorting through some of our own things, and remaining things brought back from mother-in-law's flat to sort (hidden amongst the dross was an occasional really useful gem, an item better than our own equivalent (which we thus discarded)  or something of immense sentimental value that passed all the tests and we wanted to keep). 

One such thing is a plastic mantelpiece clock, made to look like a valuable wooden heirloom. 

Why keep that? - well my parents-in-law loved that clock, and it was a standing joke that it was called the "heirloom". It now has pride of place in my wife's "den" and provides happy memories of her parents as well as being a good timepiece. 

Things - other than sentimentality - must (using my test for worth)  have a use. We are being very strict and giving away, throwing away loads of things that we simply cannot take with us to a smaller property. 

And the deal-clincher - and what can beat the OCD - is the thought that we can always find something to do the job of an item we ultimately find a need for and regret discarding - the Internet and e-bay would no doubt assist. 

This applies a rational approach to counter the irrational OCD. 

Value 

Something valuable but without any use or massive sentimentality, and which we don't want to pass on within the family, can be sold of course. 

Sentimentality 

Well those things that directly connect you with your daughter are massively important to you. 

But, practically, the best way forward is to keep some - which is all you actually need for that purpose - and give away, maybe to a charity shop or friends - others, in a way that you know they can have new meaning for others. 

The  thinking - something bad will happen if I part with this item - is OCD magical thinking. As with this theme of OCD in general, the standard approach is understanding what the OCD is up to - it's an irrational rule being applied - and determining to go about breaking its power in "small steps", realising it is magical thinking, testing that with reality and practicality and ERP. 

The OCD'S other powerful tool is alleging you are bad if you want to discard something connecting you with your daughter. 

This is - purely and simply - a normal OCD approach ; but it has no real value, it is OCD turning your core value of love for your daughter on its head.

See its game, see what it's up to - and remember your true core values. 

It's a long answer, but I am hoping it will  work for you, my dear friend. 

Roy 

 

 

Hi Roy thanks for your wise words and kind reply it's much appreciated:)

Ive already started sorting and Ive cleared two rooms so far, I'm not going to say it's been easy, far from it because it hasn't and it's pulled at my heart strings and caused me lots of anxiety.

The things of no sentimental value that I've kept just in case the what ifs I have cleared, if they don't have a purpose or a place in my home then they must go. 

The things I struggle with deeply are all the sentimental keep sakes that Ive accumulated over the years and most are of no great value only very valuable to me . To me these items are precious to my heart . But I've found a way around this and now no matter how distressing this is for me by letting them go I take photos of them and it helps me a little.

Ive  never been a person for taking photos but maybe if I had this may not have happened because I would have captured these precious moments on camera instead. I need to remember that these precious moments are captured in my heart and thoughts, but I'm afraid of losing them .

But at least by taking photos of these items before I let them go will give me a little piece of mind that I won't somehow forget.

Thanks again roy

lost

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23 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I certainly didn't mean to hurt you, though sometimes the truth hurts.

It sounds like you've made some really positive moves toward letting go and that's terrific. Remember that fixing the problem doesn't mean getting rid of everything. It's about balance.

Even though we have decluttered drastically, we still have a box of our kids things tucked away in a closet. It's all good. The thing is, you just don't want your stuff to run your life. If it isn't, there isn't a problem.

I didn't think for one minute you had:)

I realise that when we ask for advice regarding any subjects that there will be lots of different opinions and views and this just stems from personal views and opinions and many will differ, that doesn't mean that any one is right or wrong :)

Yes I've learnt that along the way about finding the balance and unfortunately before this I was saddened to learn that some of the little things I would have liked to have kept I didn't :( 

It had become overwhelming and was becoming a problem so has they say needs must, it took over completely in so many rooms and outbuildings. The rooms that are in use are all neat and tidy and not cluttered. But the rooms that had been taken over were like they wasn't part of the same house, it's nice to get these rooms back to being active spaces:)

 

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Oh yes I feel a great sense of achievement and I'm really proud in myself for doing so well:)

Its been really upsetting at times, but me and my daughter are bringing joy into the rooms by deciding what colour and themes we are going to have in there and how we are going to decorate it, so to make a useful happy space we can both use :)

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