In need of support x

[Saz]

Just as the title says really. I've been struggling more than usual with all this for a good few weeks now. I've got some numbers for some cbt so just about to get the ball rolling with that. Looks like I'm going to have to pay unfortunately but needs must. I'm way too  lost in it all now. Also why am I bothered more about my wellbeing and not the person in my false memory as much? 

One thing really worrying me is  that I recently spoke with 2 friends who knew a little bit of what was going on a few years back. I've been that upset I had to talk to someone. They seemed supportive of me but I'm terrified I've told them too much and they will in turn tell someone else who will report me. I'm at my wits end, I really am. 

Edited April 26, 2017 by Saz

[ScottishLass]

I have had two lots of cbt and i had serve ocd at one point on my life and this helped alot along with medication .

 

I very much doubt your friends would tell anyone about what you told them and of they did you wouldn't get i trouble.

ocd is a condition it doesn't mean we are bad people. X

[Caramoole]

No reassurance coming on any of those points Saz, you know why

Good luck with the CBT, get that phone picked up and an appointment arranged, it's what you need

[Saz]

Thanks Scottish lass. 

Thanks caramoole. It's been tough. 

Can I just ask a question and I hope nobody is offended by this if  they know anyone personally who is a private cbt therapist but...Why can they be so expensive? What I mean is why do they charge so much if they want to help people? I know they need to make a living but some prices seem an awful lot. I haven't had a quote as of yet but from what I've read it can be a dear do. X

[Lynz]

I think the prices reflect their level of expertise and education. If they are private they will also have their own costs to pay such as registration fees, rent, utility bills etc. for the buildings they are in and their own staff such as secretaries to pay as well. They cost a similar amount on the NHS too it's just that the NHS pays the bill rather than the patient.

[Lynz]

Healthcare does cost a lot unfortunately. We are lucky in this country in that we have the NHS to pay for most things. For example if we were to pay for an operation ourselves it would cost well into the hundreds of thousands of pounds. I think just to have a baby costs a similar amount but we don't think about any of this cos the NHS pays it all. It only becomes more apparent how expensive healthcare is when we have to go private, usually for mental health treatment when the NHS provision is not as good.

[Saz]

Hi Lynz and thank you. Your completely right, I guess I didn't think of it like that. I hope I've not come across horrible in any way, I just wondered but what you said makes sense. I really feel I need to pay privately as its gone on too long, gotten worse and I don't feel I can wait much longer as I am at breaking point with it all. I can see me slowly beginning to stop socialising, making an effort with myself and I've not a great appetite, not to mention all the other stuff that goes along with this anyway! If I ever get better I promise I'm going to help people. I had a tarot card/intuitive reading done ages ago and that was one of the things they told me that I was going to do eventually, help people in some way. X

[Razzio]

I  was misdiagosised in 2007 with psychosis . when in fact i had ocd. only in 2010 did get a diagnosis of ocd and take anti depressants and i was with early intervention psychosis . for three years up to 2012 and i had cbt with them for a year and it helped a lot but the cbt they did was mainly for psychosis. and after that came back been with community mental team and did cbt but i could’nt realy unstand the cbt therpaist. and now three years later doing cbt but i have high function autism and i find it realy hard to understand the therpaist. i after realy get to know the cbt thrapist first. for me some of them are dumbfaounded saying that some of my riutals are what people do. 

[Binxy]

Hi Saz,

Sorry to hear  you're not doing too well.  It's a shame that you have to go private.  There is the advantage. however, that you can get therapy from someone who really knows what they're doing.  Unfortunately, in the NHS, that's not always the case (third time lucky for me).  Make sure you get someone with the right credentials- I'm sure there is guidance on the OCDUK webpage somewhere and you can always ask if you're not sure.

Seeking therapy is a step towards getting better Saz.  Stay the course and remember what we've told you before.

Hope it eases off- make sure you are not sitting and ruminating, try to be as active as you can.

Binx

[Saz]

Sorry to here of your troubles razzio. Hope you get sorted. 

Hey binx. Thank you. I just can't wait, I feel like I need to get myself sorted sooner rather than later and I'd be destroyed if I waited ages through the NHS and it didn't help. I know I'm also taking a risk private because I could end up paying for it and again it might not work but as many people keep telling me, the chances are that they will really know their stuff - so if I'm going to do it then I'm going to do it properly to give myself the best chance once and for all. I think that unfortunately I am going to have to do telephone sessions because I cannot get anywhere far with the children. I'd much rather do face to face tho. 

Are you having more therapy binx? X

[Caramoole]

3 minutes ago, Binxy said:

I'm sure there is guidance on the OCDUK webpage somewhere and you can always ask if you're not sure.

The link's HERE

2 hours ago, Lynz said:

 

I think the prices reflect their level of expertise and education. If they are private they will also have their own costs to pay such as registration fees, rent, utility bills etc. for the buildings they are in and their own staff such as secretaries to pay as well. They cost a similar amount on the NHS too it's just that the NHS pays the bill rather than the patient.

 

I think it's largely summed up in the first sentence.  There is a huge disparity between charging out rates for different skills.  You could easily expect to pay a Solicitor £180 per hour and yet a Gas Fitter £30.  The Gas Fitter often runs a firm with similar overheads and very costly training (for self & staff) which has to be re-taken every 3 years.  I'd love to see the reaction of that Solicitor landed with a bill from his plumber at £180 ph and yet, he couldn't do the work himself!  Expertise and education does need to be a big consideration in reward for skills but I agree Saz, it is difficult having to stump up such large sums of money to get effective treatment.  I suppose if you think what you might spend on a holiday or a new suite, to spend on self for an improvement in our lives it's money well spent in the long run.  Just make sure you ask the questions about their experience with OCD.

[Caramoole]

1 minute ago, Saz said:

unfortunately I am going to have to do telephone sessions because I cannot get anywhere far with the children

Couldn't your Mum help with babysitting?  It should only be a couple of hours a week and would be worth sorting out if you could

[Saz]

Hi caramoole unfortunately my mum doesn't know about all of this, she also works (I know terrible she has to after having a brain hemorrhage). I also wouldn't want to burden her as she would be really worried about it all and I'm also worried she wouldn't understand, same for my partner. I've done it this long on my own x

[Caramoole]

Are any of the children at school?

3 minutes ago, Saz said:

I'm also worried she wouldn't understand, same for my partner

It's going to be difficult keeping all this secret.  Surely your partner must know that you suffer from anxiety, doesn't he?  You could say you're seeking help with anxiety problems, you don't have to go into details.

[Saz]

17 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Are any of the children at school?

It's going to be difficult keeping all this secret.  Surely your partner must know that you suffer from anxiety, doesn't he?  You could say you're seeking help with anxiety problems, you don't have to go into details.

Yes he does know the I'm anxious and a worrier but I would rather him just not know about it all now. I feel like it's all too far gone. I'm just trying to help myself. He's not like me, he's more of a 'just snap out of it type of person'. If he wasn't supportive to me it would make me even worse honestly. Things have been rocky recently as it is so I just don't feel it wise to say. I'm just really hoping and praying that I find a good enough therapist that I can afford and if it has to be done via telephone then so be it, I have to make the best of what I have x

Sorry caramoole yes 2 are in school and one goes to daycare 2 days a week. 

Edited April 27, 2017 by Saz

[Caramoole]

1 minute ago, Saz said:

if it has to be done via telephone then so be it, I have to make the best of what I have x

Well don't jump to that decision until you've explored the options, it may be that you can sort something out.  If you are going to pay that sort of moneyit would be helpful if you could see someone in person.  Wait and see

[Saz]

I understand. Do you think if I had really good therapist then it wouldn't matter as much if it was on the telephone or Skype possibly? X

[Binxy]

54 minutes ago, Saz said:

Are you having more therapy binx? X

I'm just finishing some higher level NHS therapy.  It's been very good but I had to wait quite a bit for it.

I can't comment on the Skype/Telephone thing as I've never done it.  It's probably better than nothing at all- the important thing is that he/she is qualified and certified.  There are a lot of people out there who claim that they have treated OCD and then do all of the wrong things (My first IAPT therapist scared the hell out of me with his approach).  I had one or two scares from "professionals" when I was in hospital too.  Now I've had access to someone who know s what they're doing it's really helped.

 

 

[Saz]

6 minutes ago, Binxy said:

I'm just finishing some higher level NHS therapy.  It's been very good but I had to wait quite a bit for it.

I can't comment on the Skype/Telephone thing as I've never done it.  It's probably better than nothing at all- the important thing is that he/she is qualified and certified.  There are a lot of people out there who claim that they have treated OCD and then do all of the wrong things (My first IAPT therapist scared the hell out of me with his approach).  I had one or two scares from "professionals" when I was in hospital too.  Now I've had access to someone who know s what they're doing it's really helped.

 

 

Yes that's what I'm worried about, professionals telling me it's not false memory or something and obviously I have children and I would rather die than be without them. It literally is the worst feeling to me to be apart from them. Is that what happened to you? It's OK if you don't want to say... Im probably going to trigger myself here aren't I. 

To be honest I've been given the phone number of a very highly recommended cbt therapist, well her clinic anyway. But I know I will not be able to afford it, at least I don't think I will. I'm just waiting for a call from them as apparently you get a free initial 10 minute call. x

P. S binx glad your getting better treatment now, you must be so relieved x

Edited April 27, 2017 by Saz

[Binxy]

2 minutes ago, Saz said:

... Im probably going to trigger myself here aren't I. 

Yep- try to let it go.

I hope you manage to get access to the right therapy Saz.  It will be hard work no doubt but with the right help and commitment to the therapy it can get better.

[Saz]

Think I've freaked myself out a bit now. Don't want to talk myself out of this x

 

[Caramoole]

Well calm down and think it through sensibly

[Saz]

3 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Well calm down and think it through sensibly

I know it's just people have said it does happen when professionals get it wrong and I just mass panic because of my kids. How can I think rationally about this? X

[Caramoole]

52 minutes ago, Saz said:

How can I think rationally about this? X

You just have to try because unfortunately, your rationale is clouded and distorted by anxiety and OCD.....the very reason that you need, and are seeking therapy

[Saz]

Just feel like I'd rather live with anxiety than there be any chance I'd lose my kids. x