can Intrusive thoughts start off as a positive/pleasant?

[Avo]

Sorry if the title sounds a bit confusing, what I am asking is can a thought that could in it's initial stages be positive/pleasant  morph into a negative intrusive thought? for example I am and have been ruminating a lot about a crush I have on someone at work, there is a thread on these boards further down if anyone wants to read it. however I do find this person attractive and would class it as a crush,  and  probably enjoy some intimacy with them.

in the initial stages at least briefly this seemed a positive at least for a while in as much as I am attracted to them and like being in their company, but now I have ruminated about it so much it's causing great anxiety to me, making me feel very anxious and depressed about the thought of my own relationship breaking down over this. As a result I have had my medication increased and am just embarking on CBT. It may sound a trivial worry but it's tearing me apart. When I saw the object of my crush outside of work randomly I actually felt scared of her and really anxious, it was just a massive stress

So has this initial thought turned into a negative? or am I ruminating over not that thought but a slightly different one by questioning my relationship with my wife?

Sorry to waffle, I hope you understand what I am very clumsily trying to explain.

Avo

 

[Coffeecake]

Hi Avo, it sounds to me like you're being human by finding someone else attractive and fun to be around even though you're married. I can't imagine there isn't a married person in the world who hasn't had this experience at least once. 

As we know, OCD loves to attach itself to our fears, which are often linked to the things we hold most important to us. I read your post as you love your wife very much and you place great importance on your marriage. I think this is why you are being drawn to ruminate about this crush and it is causing you great anxiety because you are frightened that you could lose something you hold so dear. 

 

[Avo]

Hi Coffecake,

Thanks for taking time to read this post and the other one, this has caused me and is still causing me a lot of anxiety, sadness and guilt. If I think about this person for any length of time I start to feel anxious and very down, which confuses me because I do like them to a point. It's also tough cos I work at the same place and on certain days I see them and talk to them quite a lot. My anxiety reached such a point over the weekend after seeing them outside work  that the past couple of days I have just had an overwhelming feeling of sadness the last 24hrs even when I have not been ruminating over this person (or not as much as sometimes anyway)

Then there is the guilt about even having these initial crush like feelings and writing it down  I feel I am somehow betraying my wife, I know she would be very upset if she knew. although there have been ups and downs and life can be difficult at times I know I am better with her than not.  OCD is indeed a cruel disorder , it feels as if it is always one step ahead of me.

[OceanDweller]

4 minutes ago, Avo said:

Hi Coffecake,

Thanks for taking time to read this post and the other one, this has caused me and is still causing me a lot of anxiety, sadness and guilt. If I think about this person for any length of time I start to feel anxious and very down, which confuses me because I do like them to a point. It's also tough cos I work at the same place and on certain days I see them and talk to them quite a lot. My anxiety reached such a point over the weekend after seeing them outside work  that the past couple of days I have just had an overwhelming feeling of sadness the last 24hrs even when I have not been ruminating over this person (or not as much as sometimes anyway)

Then there is the guilt about even having these initial crush like feelings and writing it down  I feel I am somehow betraying my wife, I know she would be very upset if she knew. although there have been ups and downs and life can be difficult at times I know I am better with her than not.  OCD is indeed a cruel disorder , it feels as if it is always one step ahead of me.

Hi Avo. If you know that you are better off with, than without, your wife then the path ahead is quite clear. I suspect that everyone has felt an attraction to a work colleague at one time or another. Hell, I know I have and continue to do so. It gives me someone to think about whilst I'm having sex with my partner! That was a joke. Please don't write in. I don't have a partner!

[Avo]

Hi OceanDweller,

Yes I think I am better off with my wife, although OCD being what it is means I am doubting that, trying to work out if that's the case. When I am not completely in the grips of this present worry I feel calmer and more content about being with my wife  which perhaps suggests that my natural happy state or maybe calmer state is with my wife. If I think too much about going off with someone else then I become anxious and upset and guilty.

I suppose what has confused me is that I could see a potential to be with this other person or at least enjoy some intimacy with them although being honest I don't know them that well, however like many have said, what I am experiencing is perfectly natural and makes me human. I think OCD maybe makes my views too black and white and I suppose there has got to be a grey area sometimes.

The whole thinking of someone else when intimate! I probably am performing some kind of avoidance of this cos I would feel very guilty if I did think of someone else, so try not to. however having read these boards over the last few weeks it seems this again is something people do and it's quite common.!

[Wonderer]

It seems ur OCD has latched on to what it "means" to have this crush, and actually, it means nothing! We all have them from time to time, people without OCD know it's natural and has no bearing on their relationships and can easily dismiss them.  Throw OCD in there and well....! So this positive and enjoyable crush has been escalated into something it is not by ur OCD! Just work on those compulsions and don't avoid the colleague in question! X

[Coffeecake]

Yes Wonderer, high 5!

Also Avo, I too find that ocd makes me a black and white thinker over areas where I perceive myself to have fallen short of "perfect". Life is all about the grey, allowing ourselves to be real people and not 100% infallible robots. 

[Wonderer]

2 minutes ago, Coffeecake said:

Yes Wonderer, high 5!

Also Avo, I too find that ocd makes me a black and white thinker over areas where I perceive myself to have fallen short of "perfect". Life is all about the grey, allowing ourselves to be real people and not 100% infallible robots. 

Ah thanks! Yep life is all grey wether we like it or not, I know id prefer things to be black and white when I'm in the thick of it, but when I'm well then shades of grey don't bother me much! As coffeecake days we are not robots! Xx

[OceanDweller]

2 minutes ago, Wonderer said:

Ah thanks! Yep life is all grey wether we like it or not, I know id prefer things to be black and white when I'm in the thick of it, but when I'm well then shades of grey don't bother me much! As coffeecake days we are not robots! Xx

Robots... OC-D2? Sorry! ?

[Coffeecake]

Haha, for attempting a joke at this hour, you deserve to get a laugh! 

[OceanDweller]

1 minute ago, Coffeecake said:

Haha, for attempting a joke at this hour, you deserve to get a laugh! 

Thank you Coffeecake. It was one of those 'nearly jokes'!

[Wonderer]

OC-DPO perhaps? ?

[OceanDweller]

1 minute ago, Wonderer said:

OC-DPO perhaps? ?

Damn it Wonderer. That's better!

[St Mike]

Thankfully, OCD hasn't taken away our sense of humour.... phew.... 

[OceanDweller]

58 minutes ago, St Mike said:

Thankfully, OCD hasn't taken away our sense of humour.... phew.... 

Amen to that.

[Avo]

Hi All,

Just got back from a session of CBT, we touched on this issue and have agreed to look in more detail next week. I have typically come away thinking the therapist said that maybe I am just kidding myself and do actually want to leave my wife, she said nothing of the sort, she started to say a sentence stopped and started it again and maybe I filled in the gaps in my OCD addled brain. nothing was said in such a way through the rest of the session to make me  think this was her opinion. She has given me some reading about how to dis-engage with ruminating because this worry is almost bringing me to tears today, as well as setting me some homework related to the compulsions I am carrying out on a regular basis not relating to this subject.

I think your right Wonderer, I have questioned what it means about my own relationship. We looked today about the meaning or appraisal you give to a thought and how giving it a meaning leads to various emotions and then you try and perform a compulsion to try and alleviate the worry which in this case is ruminating. I have given this a lot of meaning and its made me question the most stable thing in my life which has been quite a test over the past few years.