PhilM Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) I started the other thread for a specific reason and I think somehow there where some misinterpretations to posts which can happen in online forums as I have experienced but I don't think anyone was being detrimental. However, I genuinely believe that taking the P out of this condition is a good thing and can "relieve" some of the tension we feel as sufferers? I don't know - Maybe I'm wrong and I'm no expert other than my own experiences which I share and hope help others. That's not dismissive to sufferers and believe me I have been in hell with this condition but the condition it is not a reflection of reality. Tough love can be interpreted in many ways - my initial post wasn't directed at anyone specifically. It was a reaction to what I saw as incredibly helpful advice being ignored or not given a thank you for which I have to accept as being judgemental to SOME extent. Sorry friends but I genuinely believe that if I/we/you - whatever - don't take great advice on board where are we heading? There was a post above about CBT not being helpful which I found very sad but and I would love some more information from the person who posted. I believe though, even waiting for therapy or in my case taking a break we can do things to help ourselves and take the P out of this lying. untruthful condition. I reiterate take the P out of the condition - no-one here EVER takes the mick out of fellow sufferers. I feel I can express these views - right or wrong - as I have had this condition for 22 years and FIFTEEEN years on tranquillisers which I am now coming off with incredible support from a great GP and specific forum users - and other people who I have listened to for double that. Best wishes and feedback + constructive criticism welcome as always, your friend Phil Edited May 8, 2017 by PhilM Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) 21 minutes ago, PhilM said: Tough love can be interpreted in many ways - my initial post wasn't directed at anyone specifically. It was a reaction to what I saw as incredibly helpful advice being ignored or not given a thank you for which I have to accept as being judgemental to SOME extent. Good post Phil. I've drawn parallels between OCD and addiction before. Another uncanny similarity is the reluctance of some sufferers to put in the necessary work to recover. Managing both conditions requires a continued willingness to listen and learn, and a commitment to ongoing treatment. Practising the techniques designed to improve our condition is very much like taking medicine in one respect, as it often leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth, especially early on. Yet, in another sense, it's very different from the quick fix medicine can often provide. It takes time. And energy. And courage. For me, tough love is merely being prepared to say 'you're suffering from this. Unlucky. Here are your options. What are YOU going to do about it?'. I, for one, wish with all of my heart that someone would have been 'tough' enough to say these words to me many years ago. And that's why I have no issue with such an approach being adopted here. Edited May 8, 2017 by OceanDweller Incorrect Wording. Link to comment
paradoxer Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 When I read the thread titile I thought it referred to intrusive thoughts being mocking! I absolutely agree. One of the things that sustains and feeds OCD is the weight the suffererer gives to it. That's why, when I see sufferers say things such as 'I hate my OCD (sure, don't we bloody all?) I don't think its useful - it ascribes too much power to an inane (but painful) disorder. Far better to despise OCD, and to give it no 'respect'. Mocking can be a useful ally. Link to comment
taurean Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) We need to be a little careful - OCD is a powerful foe, with the added advantage that "it" knows what we are thinking For me, it's best therefore to respect that, but use defusion methods. When OCD tries to waylay me, I like to say to myself "So what" - it's a gentle reminder that the disorder is trying to gain the upper hand, so I am playing the card of "indifference". Some like to imagine intrusions voiced in a silly voice. Humour is good - it's why a few of us use the emoticons a lot - it makes us laugh and gives us a lift. Edited May 8, 2017 by taurean Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 All opinions are respected and appreciated. Thanks friends. Phil. Link to comment
chaosed Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) take the P and throw it out the window! Taking every theme in particular and putting it in little boxes does no good to anyone. It's only more labeling and more judging, It could be useful as to unite people who have the same fears, but really, the things we can do to tackle a particular fear can be applied to any fear. So someone with ROCD say could surf the web/forums and come across a topic about HOCD and think "hey, I don't have this theme, so it won't help me", which really isn't true, because understanding the many forms OCD can take and learning its root mechanism is helpful for anyone with this condition, and this can be achieved by educating oneself on many other "themes" than your own. And I'm yet to find anyone who counted his or hers cigarettes compulsively... Edited May 8, 2017 by chaosed Link to comment
taurean Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I think we must remember those that join the forum, get inspired and announce they are going to trounce their OCD. This invariably backfires, because you need to develop the understanding, then carry out the work, to start making gains - all-out assault is a fail methodology. Taking the sting out of the lies and fabrications in a gentle but firm way is for me the right path. I like using metaphors and mindfulness meditations - they do the bizz for me. Link to comment
paradoxer Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 As painful and debilitating as OCD can be (perhaps BECAUSE it can be painful and debilitating, I don't think there's anything wrong from (gently if you like) pointing out that OCD is just a prosaic bully. Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 11 hours ago, OceanDweller said: Good post Phil. I've drawn parallels between OCD and addiction before. Another uncanny similarity is the reluctance of some sufferers to put in the necessary work to recover. Managing both conditions requires a continued willingness to listen and learn, and a commitment to ongoing treatment. Practising the techniques designed to improve our condition is very much like taking medicine in one respect, as it often leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth, especially early on. Yet, in another sense, it's very different from the quick fix medicine can often provide. It takes time. And energy. And courage. For me, tough love is merely being prepared to say 'you're suffering from this. Unlucky. Here are your options. What are YOU going to do about it?'. I, for one, wish with all of my heart that someone would have been 'tough' enough to say these words to me many years ago. And that's why I have no issue with such an approach being adopted here. OD I personally would like to say to some forum users "what are YOU going to do about it?" I genuinely don't believe this is insensitive because I no longer believe in waiting around for a drug to work (or not as I found out the hard way) or having excessive expectations about gaining immediate access to treatment or "making" excuses for not being able to do x.y.z. That's tough love I guess but a minority of forum users have had a hell of a lot of attention without it seems much reflection or appreciation for the advice they've received. Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, PhilM said: OD I personally would like to say to some forum users "what are YOU going to do about it?" I genuinely don't believe this is insensitive because I no longer believe in waiting around for a drug to work (or not as I found out the hard way) or having excessive expectations about gaining immediate access to treatment or "making" excuses for not being able to do x.y.z. That's tough love I guess but a minority of forum users have had a hell of a lot of attention without it seems much reflection or appreciation for the advice they've received. Absolutely right Phil. You and I are on the same page. Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 I have to go to the dentist in half an hour for unpleasant treatment. Do I want to go? No! However, do I want to end up with an even worse problem with the tooth? No. So I have to go despite not wanting to. My point is if we don't do things that are tough but have long-term benefits we'll get nowhere. Link to comment
St Mike Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) 2 hours ago, PhilM said: I personally would like to say to some forum users "what are YOU going to do about it?" I genuinely don't believe this is insensitive because I no longer believe in waiting around for a drug to work (or not as I found out the hard way) or having excessive expectations about gaining immediate access to treatment or "making" excuses for not being able to do x.y.z. That's tough love I guess but a minority of forum users have had a hell of a lot of attention without it seems much reflection or appreciation for the advice they've received. I agree with this point, Phil, as you have mentioned before, it can be very distressing reading some posts especially those with themes of suicide. We try our best to help each other and at the same time open ourselves to triggers. I liken it to a combat medic trying to attend to injured soldiers while being under fire at the same time on the battlefield. I believe most members using the forum understand that the forum is not meant as a cheap stop-off point for reassurance but as a place to supplement your knowledge base with real life experiences of fellow sufferers, what techniques they used, what books they read, etc to aid them in overcoming their OCD and in turn share those experiences with the rest. Edited May 9, 2017 by St Mike Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 Three hour dental appointment....Urgh! Link to comment
taurean Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 3 hours ago, PhilM said: I have to go to the dentist in half an hour for unpleasant treatment. Do I want to go? No! However, do I want to end up with an even worse problem with the tooth? No. So I have to go despite not wanting to. My point is if we don't do things that are tough but have long-term benefits we'll get nowhere. Short term pain for long term gain is my mantra - well done Phil. Link to comment
taurean Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Just now, PhilM said: Three hour dental appointment....Urgh! Golly, hugs to you Phil Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 Thank you. I am feeling a bit sorry for myself! Link to comment
taurean Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Three hours is pretty incredible I like my dentists, but not that much Time for some soothing " me-time", and a milk drink perhaps? I always find an antiques show on the telly soothing under such circumstances - especially as I think, at the age of 67, I am now becoming an antique I 'd consider myself maybe similar to an antique chair - I have taken lots of wear and been sat-upon a lot Link to comment
taurean Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 N.b.I have an appointment to see the hygienist next week. I have been good, and floss my teeth and use the electric toothbrush every day, so can go into the session having done all she requires of me But although she is a smashing young woman, and effectively now a friend, inevitably the process of dental hygiene is not wonderfully enjoyable Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 5 hours ago, taurean said: Three hours is pretty incredible I like my dentists, but not that much Time for some soothing " me-time", and a milk drink perhaps? I always find an antiques show on the telly soothing under such circumstances - especially as I think, at the age of 67, I am now becoming an antique I 'd consider myself maybe similar to an antique chair - I have taken lots of wear and been sat-upon a lot You are a cool fella! I came home and did some work and then went for 2 pints in the sunshine. Link to comment
taurean Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 It's good that you have been able to keep working Phil - and I would take two pints instead of a milk drink anyday Link to comment
PhilM Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 Well they did say cold drinks today! Link to comment
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