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I have been feeling really lonely recently and wonder if anyone could relate? Due to my anxiety/ocd and bad/traumatic experiences with people in the past I find it incredibly difficult to form bonds with people. I havent had proper "friends" since I was a teen and I dont have a partner because as soon as I start to like someone my anxiety gets sky high like proper anxiety attacks and feeling physically ill and I run a mile. I often daydream about how life could be different but then when it comes to it I just freak then end up feeling down. I honestly think ill never be able to have friends, a boyfriend or kids and will be alone which sadens me. Im lucky I have a busy job and I throw myself into that to keep myself busy. Its hard because coworkers often ask what I done at the weekend or if im dating anyone and I sometimes actually lie as Im that embarressed. Pretty sure they think Im really weird which I understand. Even family members are starting to ask why im single and not out with friends and it really hurts. I know im the only one who can change it but its hard. Has anyone else felt this way and how did u get your life back? 

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I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. I guess there is no other solution than to get out there and be sociable. Do you have any hobbies? Meetup.com has loads of local groups you can join and meet likeminded people. Good luck. 

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Hi Mrs Brown, I am just offering my opinion on the post you have raised, feel free to disagree.

8 hours ago, Mrs brown said:

I honestly think ill never be able to have friends, a boyfriend or kids and will be alone which sadens me.

Thoughts and words are very powerful things, they can bring you up and bring you down. The more you think this way, the more it will affect you negatively. No one can predict the future but we can all work towards how we want our future to be. Since you already know the solution which is to make an effort to be more sociable then, you should work on it at your own time and own pace and at your own comfort level, the most important thing is to take the first step and persevere.

Another way to look at it is to embrace your loneliness. Like my master always say, when you are alone, you still have yourself. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like how you would treat a good friend. Don't think of gloomy things, do something which you find enjoyment with, go out, get some fresh air and sunshine, get or prepare yourself a good meal. (My favourite is a big plate of sashimi with a big glass of non-alcoholic beer). Maybe at the same time find someone to join you doing your favourite things and who knows, maybe that someone might become more than a friend later on. 

8 hours ago, Mrs brown said:

Its hard because coworkers often ask what I done at the weekend or if im dating anyone and I sometimes actually lie as Im that embarressed. Pretty sure they think Im really weird which I understand. Even family members are starting to ask why im single and not out with friends and it really hurts.

You are already stressed out enough over this issue. Why put the weight of others upon it? Cast it off. We progress at different speeds in our lives, some faster, some slower. Again quoting my most beloved master, being single has its joys and difficulties and being attached has its joys and difficulties. Don't let what others think put you down. If you mind, it matters, when you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Since you mind how they think about you, it hurts. When you stop minding how others think about you, the hurt will stop because it doesn't matter to you anymore.

Wishing you peace and wellness in both mind and spirit.

St Mike

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Thankyou for taking the time to write back to me. I guess I am dwelling and being negative. I think sometimes the anxiety leads to depression. I know Im the only person who can change things. And your right I shouldnt compare myself to others or listen to what they think I suppose we are all different. Thank you again

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Hi Mrs B. I can relate. I became terribly lonely a few years ago when I was too poorly work. I adopted a coupla kitties which alleviated the loneliness somewhat! What I didn't realise at the time is that I'd given up on the human race. I felt battered and bruised by the world and thought people were just awful. A symptom of my depression. It took me a long while to trust folk again. And I still haven't felt comfortable enough with anyone to enter into a romantic relationship. But I'm on a much healthier path. My conclusion: some humans behave in unforgivable ways. But most are kinda ok. And a select few are ace! It's worth venturing into the rough to find those diamonds.

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Aww thank you very much for the reply ocean dweller. Glad to hear you are in a better place now. I actually got a dog a couple of years ago and he makes me feel much less lonely too I never realised just how much animals can help our mental health. I totally know what you mean ive had really bad experiences with people in the past and think I have my guard up too much. Hopefully over time this will change. Thanks again 

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You are welcome, Mrs Brown.

Take care and best wishes.

On 12/05/2017 at 03:34, OceanDweller said:

And I still haven't felt comfortable enough with anyone to enter into a romantic relationship. But I'm on a much healthier path.

Don't keep the ladies waiting too long my friend. :drool:

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I stopped feeling lonely when I was put on Prozac. Since stopping Prozac I don't feel lonely as I used to feel. Still want a female in my life though!

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I'm assured that romantic love can be the most life-affirming experience. I, however, have always found that it hurts. Borderline (sorry to drift momentarily Mrs B) can be cruel that way. It makes you crave intimacy like an addict craves heroin. Yet it robs you of the very tools you need to play any part in a meaningful relationship. Still, one lives in hope. On the bright side, BPD doesn't inhibit love-MAKING (well, it is past the watershed after all!).

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*cuddle*

It's okay, I know how you feel. I've been feeling very lonely in real time and would often watch my co-workers all laugh and joke together, wondering why it's so easy. It takes a lot of effort for me to form bonds with people too; just an hour ago, coming out of the train station after a long journey, another lady struck up a conversation with me and I was a bit distracted and too tired to really respond. I went through a period of feeling like a ghost in the city I work in and only really see people at work. I joined a writer's group which helped and has allowed me to meet people outside of work a little more. But I remember feeling very jealous of my colleagues and coworkers for the ease in which they could form bonds and relationships and feeling left behind. As my Mum passed away two and a half years ago, that's where the main source of my own loneliness comes from as I've lost my best friend and confidant. Things are better now and I'm sure things will get better for you.

If it's any consolation, I know people older than myself who also get the whole 'are you dating anyone yet?' from their families. I'm 27 this year, the same age my brothers were when they were settling down long-term and starting families. Even my brother who has always supported everything I do has been asking me if I've met anyone yet. I'm hopeless with intimacy (confession: I haven't kissed anyone for six years!) and just putter along on my own. But there's no pressure, from anybody, not really; it's not like the war or the old days when you had to be married by a certain point, or you were written off. So yay for that.

We are all at different points in our journeys and it will get better. We're all rooting for you.

C x

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