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OCD Fear of Fathering a child from past


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Greetings - first time poster here. I have struggled with OCD in the past and has recently been re-triggered again. It began back in October '16 with getting very concerned over the girl who I was seeing pregnant. Everytime we would have sex, I would feel very uneasy throughout the month until she would get her period, which would always be a big relief. This fear of pregnancy continued through November '16, December '16 and January '17. This past February, my mind started thinking, "What if I got a girl pregnant from a sexual encounter from the past"? I began to write down one by one every girl I could remember. All of the girls that I remember checked out OK as I recall no material outcomes resulting from encounter. However, I remembered having a one-night stand in March of 2009 on vacation where I met a girl in a bar. I do not remember this girl's name, phone number, what she looks like, where she lives, etc. as this has been over 8 years ago. I began getting into a panic. I then specially ordered a copy of my March 2009 and April 2009 phone bill hoping to find a the number for this person. When the bill arrived, I did not notice any unusual numbers. What I do remember about the one-night stand is that I 100% did not climax, but I am only about 75% sure that I wore a condom. My rationale mind tells me that the odds are highly in favor of nothing materializing from that night, but my brain is telling me that I have fathered a child. I feel extremely guilty for this for if I did father a child, I have not been present throughout the child's life. I spoke to a Psychologist who advised what I'm feeling is 100% textbook OCD and can be treated. I am currently in the beginning stages of getting CBT. I feel very discouraged and mad at myself for getting into this position. I feel doubtful that the feeling is pass unless I find out who this person was from the past. I realize this is a crazy and irrational situation but isn't that exactly what OCD is :biggrin:. Thank you for your time reading.

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Hi and welcome to the forum.

Typical OCD. The disorder latched onto something and blew it all out of proportion. You made the situation so much worse by doing a bunch of compulsions. Basically everything you said you did after getting the thought that you might have gotten a girl pregnant was a compulsion. They were all completely necessary.

Good luck with CBT.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree that I made the situation much worse by doing a bunch of compulsions, however the situation would have been solved had I found the contact information of the previous sexual encounter. I guess that was the risk of doing the compulsions, and it backfired. I know it sounds silly, but I am not sure how I will be able to move past this without figuring out the encounter I had from 8 years ago. Thanks.

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19 minutes ago, jpw said:

I agree that I made the situation much worse by doing a bunch of compulsions, however the situation would have been solved had I found the contact information of the previous sexual encounter. I guess that was the risk of doing the compulsions, and it backfired. I know it sounds silly, but I am not sure how I will be able to move past this without figuring out the encounter I had from 8 years ago. Thanks.

That's not technically true, u would feel like it was resolved for a a while and then brand new thoughts would come, u would maybe even doubt she was telling u the truth, that's how OCD works, we need to learn to live with uncertainty and that's how we combat OCD, the faulty thinking will only bring up more questions! 

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Wonderer is right. You think it will all end if you do just one more compulsion but it doesn't end. Your mind will come up with more twists that need to be solved and that will lead to more compulsions.

Do you think the male population is consumed by thoughts they fathered a child from eight years ago? Do you think every other guy goes around phoning every woman from past sexual encounters to find out if they have children? Of course not. You are because you have OCD.

Your brain is sending out false signals that this is an emergency. It's not. OCD lies all the time.

Give yourself permission to not know. Then get control of your ruminating and stop searching for answers that won't help.

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