I don't think I can recover

[TheAuthor]

Recovery. The absolute last shred of my control leaving. This week I have challenged myself so incredibly much I can't believe it. Im changing everythingand I feel like it's falling apart. I know bad things will happen, I know I'm screwing up I feel like everything in recovery is terrifying and impossible to ever get used to. Schedules Channing, facing fears, it's so hard. It's so scary. I don't think I can follow through but I don't want relapse. I know if I end this week and go back I'll never get the bravery again but it's so hard....

Edited May 13, 2017 by Ashley
Edited sad face out of thread title

[PolarBear]

Perhaps you're pushing yourself a little too hard. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Perhaps slow down a bit and take it easier. Take smaller steps instead if big ones. You'll still get to the end but you won't go crazy in the process.

[taurean]

You are being much too demanding of yourself author. 

You have to gradually, gently but firmly make behavioural changes, ease down and away the urge to carry out compulsions. 

And you need to fully understand the cognitive side - if you remain believing that "something bad is about to happen"  then you haven't yet fully understood the cognitive side of CBT. 

What is the rush? Patience and Persistence  are required, resilience needs to be built up. 

"If you want to win the race, row slowly."

 

[seekingERPnorthwest]

You seem like a determined and committed person to me.  Good luck!