If one fear happens then what about the rest?

[NicoletteCB]

I had this ocd fear that my ex would leave me and we'd never be together again. Fast foreward a month later and she actually did leave me and did it exactly how I was scared she would. 

 

You know the surreal thing is that I'm not upset right now because she left and this fear may be true, because I found someone better. It's that now my ocd believes that means my other fears may be true also and this proves it that everything I fear will happen and there's no protection against it all.

 

I don't know really how to feel. Then I see there's no point to having ocd or doing conpulsions but then whether I have ocd or not isn't really a choice. I don't know how to rationalize this and stop myself from feeling the extreme anxiety I have atm.  I'll talk this out with a therapist but right now it's a bit crazy in my head.

[NicoletteCB]

It feels like I have two brains in my head. Like I think to myself that yes what if I never get back with my ex then that proves that my fear was actually legitimate and whatnot but then I have more ocd about how I don't want to even get back with my ex anymore because I'm in love witg someone else. 

 

I just tell myself that I don't really know. I don't even have an answer for myself and I guess my ocd just really wants an answer

[PolarBear]

Stop trying to find an answer. It's a trap.

[NicoletteCB]

3 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Stop trying to find an answer. It's a trap.

Well how do I stop the anxiety?  Now I just feel like everything I fear will happen and I have no protection against anything. 

 

To be fair though ocd/compulsions never really protected me.

[PolarBear]

Let the rational side of you take over. Deep down you know that just because you think something doesn't mean it's going to happen. If that was the case, you should be able to think about winning the lottery and it would happen.

Sometimes you're thoughts are right. It's coincidence or maybe you allow certain things to happen. But magical thinking is just that; it's magical, in other words it doesn't exist.

Stop trying to find an answer, lay off the ruminating and your anxiety levels should go down.

[chaosed]

why did she leave you? is there anything you can think about, apart from this fear, which may have lead to her leaving you? If so, you have two options: you can choose to believe that she left you because of the reasons you just thought about. If she didn't give you any reasons, then it's best to have a discussion with her and kindly ask her to explain you her reasons. The other option is to choose to believe that your thoughts did this. (but we don't have magical thinking!!)

The option is yours, always has, always will. 

[OceanDweller]

10 hours ago, NicoletteCB said:

I had this ocd fear that my ex would leave me and we'd never be together again. Fast foreward a month later and she actually did leave me and did it exactly how I was scared she would. 

 

You know the surreal thing is that I'm not upset right now because she left and this fear may be true, because I found someone better. It's that now my ocd believes that means my other fears may be true also and this proves it that everything I fear will happen and there's no protection against it all.

 

I don't know really how to feel. Then I see there's no point to having ocd or doing conpulsions but then whether I have ocd or not isn't really a choice. I don't know how to rationalize this and stop myself from feeling the extreme anxiety I have atm.  I'll talk this out with a therapist but right now it's a bit crazy in my head.

Hi Nicolette. Your ex leaving is just life. If you're with someone you care about it's only natural you'll fret from time to time that you'll lose them. That's normal. Where it becomes problematic (and strays into OCD) is if you occupy an unhealthy amount of time and energy worrying. Ultimately though, as with every other relationship, how much thought you give to your partner leaving has no bearing upon whether they will or not. Because you're not a Jedi knight! OCD preys upon our inability to accept uncertainty. Partners leave. Planes crash. Bad stuff happens. This is about you learning to attach only the appropriate degree of concern to those uncertainties. By the way, I dig that you've found someone 'better'. Not someone 'else'. Not someone 'new'. Someone 'better'. Top thinking.

[Justine]

A few fears do happen though almost all ocd fears are fake / exaggerated but even ones that happen you survive them. And you've not only survived but found someone better. So yes a few other fears may happen but there is a solution to everything and sometimes that's an opportunity. Like you might fear losing your job, it happens but you get a much better one / see more of your kids. You will be fine even if a few happen. I often like to think if the worst happened I would cope by doing x, that may help though it isn't for my ocd fears. 

[Lish]

It sounds like you have had a lot of OCD themes to deal with. Just remember themes aren't the problem. It's the actual OCD you have to tackle head on and this means changing your reaction, mindset and brain. Sit through the anxiety when it occurs, it is uncomfortable but it won't be forever and it won't kill you. Accept that thoughts are just thoughts and don't mean anything. Don't give in to any compulsions. Refocus on new behaviours. You can't live your life in fear and ocd feeds on fear. Eliminate that fear, change your reaction to things and your ocd will diminish. Good luck.