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Being open with my forum friends


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This post is reflective of my appreciation for this forum, the advice I have received - particularly with tranquilliser withdrawal which I think might, with no excuses, has made me a bit erratic - and also the fact that I feel I can be myself here and I hope nothing below will freak anyone out. As usual I am not going to use any acronyms.

So here we go with other OCD intrusive thoughts which I have experienced besides what people already know:

Pushing people down stairs or escalators.

Involuntarily jumping from relatively high places.

Assaulting people I really care about.

Making racist comments to my wife who is African.

Pushing people in front of oncoming trains or the tube.

Activity with animals (I'm not going to elaborate as I think you'll know what I mean).

All of the above and other things at one time or another caused me enormous distress, confusion, self-doubt, self-revulsion etc. I had no idea what was real, who I was or why I was constantly having these thoughts or "urges".

I was as I have mentioned the quote from Claire Weekes "a rudderless boat on a turbulent sea". I still feel some horror that some of the above went through my head for over 20 years but I am learning that anyone can have a bizarre, scary or creepy thought.

My point is I believe it's not the thought - it's the reaction. When OCD sufferers' minds latch onto something it is a horrible place to be in. Fear is a horrible emotion but I genuinely believe it is the mind playing tricks on an anxious person with perpetuation in my case with mental "neutralising" responses to intrusive thoughts.

Most of what I've learnt is from the experience of having OCD for almost all of my adult life. OCD can wax and wane even after a course of therapy and I know I'm on a journey still and no expert but I just wanted to share some thoughts. There is hope - even with baby steps. As the saying goes: "Rome wasn't built in a day." As always just my opinions.

Best wishes friends, Phil.

 

 

Edited by PhilM
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As I agree - and for an OCD sufferer especially bewildered in the early days of the condition it can be very, very difficult to know what to do.

Edited by PhilM
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