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Real memories vs. false memories


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Hi all, I suffer from false memories/intrusive thoughts (as you know - I've been posting a lot). I find that "real" memories are way more clear than my false ones. Does anybody else experience this?

For example, my current fear revolves around cheating on my BF in a bathroom with a stranger. I can remember exactly what happened very clearly before and after going to the bathroom (I can even recall the song that was playing, and what I said to my friend after I came to the table), but cannot seem to recall going to the bathroom. I try really hard to remember entering the bathroom, but can only remember looking in the mirror, and opening the door. I can't remember anybody being in there with me or the actual act of cheating - it's like my brain is straining REALLY hard, but cannot recall.

Is the fuzziness of using the restroom due to the ruminating? 

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14 minutes ago, californiadreaming said:

Then I fear that I had an alcohol blackout during that 5-8 minutes I was using the restroom and did something stupid because I can't recall the actual act of using the restroom. Ugh.

When you ruminate and try to memory check your brain normally pumps out what might have happened in the bathroom to explain why you can't remember and this is the explanation that has bothered you the most. An alternative to this explanation is that nothing happened in the bathroom and your brain remembers nothing because it was a mundane task. You have no way of knowing, the more you think the more difficult it is to recall, the more fuzzy the memory and the more likelihood that you'll have more intrusive thoughts (false memories).

Do you see that trying to think back is making you feel worse not better?

Edited by Gemma7
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Gemma, that is a great way to look at it. I suppose OCD is being sneaky and filling in the gaps when there are realistically no gaps to fill. I fall for it every time. :( 

I skipped my therapy appointment last week, I'm due for another this week to get back on track. 

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45 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You must stop trying to remember and just let this go. 

It's so hard being uncertain because I can't bear the thought. I found myself calming down today as I just let the anxiety sit. I hate when the anxiety spikes come over me, though. 

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Just to let you know, when reading your post, saying "I try really hard to remember..." what I didn't get, and my first thought as a person who doesn't know you was "why are you trying to remember that?!"

I'm not trying to be insensitive - I just thought you might be interested to hear how this sounds to someone who isn't suffering from these particular thoughts.  Obviously you are, but I thought I'd add my reaction on the offchance it might help!

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I know how hard it is but don't worry it gets easier as you don't ruminate. Not ruminating for long time makes the urge to ruminate weaker but it may take time you have to follow it strictly.

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