A Gentle Reminder...

[OceanDweller]

Anyone who read my posts of last week (thank you) will know that I've recently negotiated rather a challenging course.

A number of my friends ('outside' friends, not Forum friends!) also suffer to varying degrees with their mental health. And I will invariably support them as and when I'm able. Mostly, this support will be reciprocated in kind. This weekend, however, an acquaintance asked too much of me at a time when he knew I had an awful lot in my own life to contend with, and offered nothing in return. His difficulties, whilst by no means trifling, are not particularly pressing. Yet he chose to (yet again) pile his woes upon me, even though he knew I was reaching out myself and my resources were, quite uncharacteristically, being exhausted on my own wellbeing.

I'm sharing this because we should always be aware that it's fine to say 'I'm sorry, but I have nothing to offer just now'. If someone's drowning, and your arms are broken, diving in to save them will only place you in peril. I'm so grateful for all of the mutual support traded right here. It pays, though, to be mindful that maintaining our own health has to be our priority.

[Wonderer]

I love this! My therapist has been going over this kind of thing with me lately, I always seem to be the person that people come to when they have a problem and I was telling my therapist while I love to help and give advice I also worry about the person on top of my own worries. He told me the same as what u are saying, that I should allow myself to not get sucked into other people's problems as I try and figure out my own, in his words "who's life is it?!" He's not against me being there for people but a heathy balance should be there or we grind ourselves down.xx

[PhilM]

1 minute ago, Wonderer said:

I love this! My therapist has been going over this kind of thing with me lately, I always seem to be the person that people come to when they have a problem and I was telling my therapist while I love to help and give advice I also worry about the person on top of my own worries. He told me the same as what u are saying, that I should allow myself to not get sucked into other people's problems as I try and figure out my own, in his words "who's life is it?!" He's not against me being there for people but a heathy balance should be there or we grind ourselves down.xx

Totally agree. I get a lot of stuff "dumped" on me - sometimes by people I hardly know - and I'm quite often too soft to say I can't help.

I think maybe the sensitivity of OCD sufferers makes us empathic to others and sometimes people can detect that without knowing we are struggling ourselves as this is a very private condition if that makes sense?

I like helping other people but first and foremost my own recovery is my main priority whilst obviously, if I can, provide some support to other forum users. Best wishes, Phil.

[lostinme]

Yes I totally agree, we are all kind caring people and always want to be there for others and help the best way we can, but sometimes we should take a step back from a situation we could really do without right now and be able to say it's not a good time and not feel guilty about it. 

The thing is I love to help people and the times I've had to say I'm sorry it's not a good time right now I've felt extremely guilty because I take their worries on like my own, so quite often I do because of how bad it makes me feel.

[taurean]

That old cliché look after number one first I.e. ourselves has to be the correct way. 

When I am ill with OCD myself I ease right back on helping others, unless there are exceptional reasons (there were in one case I recall). 

[PolarBear]

You cannot properly look after others if you are not in good shape. And there's nothing wrong with saying, I'm not in a position to help with that right now.