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Hi everyone,

I'm currently going through treatment but its a big struggle for me dealing with my thoughts, especially when I'm looking forward to something they seem to latch on.


My fiance and I have a mini holiday weekend away planned this Friday and Saturday with friends.

I'm currently using Clearblue Ovulation sticks as we've been trying to conceive recently and of I based it on last month I shouldn't ovulate until a week today.

My question is if we are drinking this Friday and Saturday is that ok? We weren't planning trying until Sunday through for the next few days after that.

I was quite content with this plan until today when I googled about drinking and read some bad stories so now  I'm worrying myself that could damage the egg somehow! 

I tried to talk to my fiance but we ended up arguing because I do this alot. 

I just never know whats ocd and whats not. Now when we go away if I don't drink I know he will get annoyed at me because I'll be annoyed I'm not drinking, but if I do I will now worry.

It's so frustrating because now I've read that online that's changed my opinion and I've spoiled another night :(

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You've got to start recognizing OCD when it strikes. Every time you come here it's something new and different but they all follow the same pattern. You got an intrusive thought about the effects of drinking on you getting pregnant. In response you did a big compulsion by Googling the scenario and reading scary stories. I'm sure you are sitting there ruminating like crazy over this again.

Drink or don't drink. The choice is up to you now but dint let OCD ruin a perfectly good weekend.

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But I wanted to drink, thinking it was ok, but now Google etc have scared me but I cant determine if there right or if I should ignore it and potentially cause damage.

I don't know what a "normal" person without ocd would do if they read that?

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I know exactly my problem, and I know it's down to be worry of harming others. 

I also know that it's recommended by doctors that you do not drink when trying to conceive. That's a clear message.

I know I wouldn't drink if I knew I was pregnant. That's a clear message.

What I don't know if the hazy lines between OCD and Real Life. 

My options are:

- Enjoy the weekend, have some drinks on Friday and Saturday, and don't start trying to conceive until the Sunday.

- Don't drink, spend 3 days trying to hide that from our friends, which isn't going to work, and have my fiance be annoyed at me for not enjoying myself.

Either way I'll be unhappy in some element.

I was quite happy with option 1, until I looked online read the guidelines, and saw statistics about this so I don't know if the OCD approach of "feel the fear and do it anyway" applies when I do have genuine guidelines advising against? Does that makes sense? If this the one time my OCD is actually correct? 

I don't want to live my life afraid, but I also don't want to do something that if something terrible did happen, I would spend my life wondering what if and not forgiving myself. is the emotional turmoil that I go through.

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Because it's a weekend away of staying in hotels, so everyone is really excited to have a drink

It would be extremely obvious if I'm there for 3 days ordering water

My fiance is annoyed because the whole plan was to try for conceive after we've gotten back, so we could have a nice time together,  but then I read stuff online and now I'm worried, so it's like once again my OCD is ruining another holiday.

 

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If staying sober would ruin the weekend, I would let your hair down. Whilst conceiving is obviously a priority for you, you mustn't allow it to dictate your every decision. And, who knows, once the vino doth flow you two crazy kids might do the necessary without even thinking about it. The necessary - I'm such a romantic!

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If you were just drinking water anyway what would it matter? What does it matter what other people think? It's your choice/business. Just because you are going away for the weekend doesn't mean you HAVE to drink. Either way, don't let stuff you've read on Google dictate how you feel - often stuff online is just a view not a fact. Just like this post. Best wishes, Phil.

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It's just annoying because if I was looking at me without OCD I would agree, but because of the OCD I don't feel prepared to take that "risk" because of the "what ifs". :(

But because it's a doctor recommendation like I say, I don't think I can be brave and "feel the fear and do it anyway". 

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It is a medical recommendation that you shouldn't drink while trying to conceive, so if it was me I would just go with that advice if I was trying to conceive and leave it at that. I don't understand why your fiance is so mad at you if you don't want to drink. Surely he wants you to have a healthy conception and pregnancy? Lots of people don't drink for a variety of reasons and it's no big deal. I personally don't drink because I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol and never have done. So when I'm out I just order soft drinks and nobody cares.

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I think he's annoyed because we aren't actively trying yet but will we once we're back from holiday so I kind of feel like my ocd is ruining the fun. Also we are with friends and it'll be really obvious I'm not drinking (when I always do when we're out) but then also some guidelines say you shouldn't so i don't know whether to believe my ocd thoughts for once.

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go and enjoy your weekend and drink if you feel like it. the answer is not black and white and medical advice will always err on the side of caution. but how many people have gotten pregnant when under the influence and it has not caused them any problems. the human body is an amazing thing for what it can withstand, i think you should go and do what you want this weekend......

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55 minutes ago, Lynz said:

It is a medical recommendation that you shouldn't drink while trying to conceive, so if it was me I would just go with that advice if I was trying to conceive and leave it at that. I don't understand why your fiance is so mad at you if you don't want to drink. Surely he wants you to have a healthy conception and pregnancy? Lots of people don't drink for a variety of reasons and it's no big deal. I personally don't drink because I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol and never have done. So when I'm out I just order soft drinks and nobody cares.

This is a good post. It brings a real clarity to the situation. I should follow this advice were I you Gemzi.

Edited by OceanDweller
Added some words and that
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Honestly if it was me and I wanted to try for a baby I wouldn't drink just to be on the safe side. Alcohol stays in your system for a couple of days anyway.

I've just read your posts to my partner and he can't believe your fiance places you drinking as a higher priority than creating the safest biological conditions for conceiving a child in. Surely his main priority should be your own comfort and happiness. Not trying to guilt trip you into drinking just because it makes him uncomfortable around friends if you don't. And I don't know why your friends are so judgemental either. The last time we went out my partner couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. Our friends didn't care.

I know we have a problem with drink culture and peer pressure in our society but really, if you don't want to drink then just don't?

Edited by Lynz
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I'm sorry that you're still struggling and wish you lots of luck with your baby plans! Unfortunately, no stranger on the internet can guarantee that if you drink wine this weekend that there is complete certainty that any future baby you have will be unharmed. In fact, not even a top world expert in obstetrics would be able to guarantee that if you, Gemzi, drink wine this weekend then your future baby will 100% be guaranteed to be completely perfect. How could they? The guidelines are advice based on risk, and it's your decision alone whether you are prepared to accept less than 100% certainty of a perfect outcome. I really hope that you're going to work hard on your therapy because it's a quick spiral from drinking during trying for a baby, to spending your pregnancy worrying about whether you ate some soft cheese, stroked a cat, stood near someone with chicken pox, cooked your pork thoroughly etc. These are all issues that all pregnant women have to navigate. It's your OCD that is making you focus on these issues. It's not OCD that makes a risk come true or not.  

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Thank you.

 

I think the sensible decision would be to just not drink, problem is because I've entered this ocd spiral now, I worry about the drinks I had at the start of the month, or the months before, but I know I can't start doing that, I'm just not sure how to stop and nip these thoughts in the bud?

 

I feel like I'm painting a bad picture of my fiance and he's actually been amazing all these years with my OCD, it's just that he has an attitude of, lets do everything we would do normally and if it happens it happens, whereas I like I be a bit more prepared, but that's also because I worry about all the outcomes.

 

To him it's just me going on about yet another OCD thought, and then I get in a mood because I'm not having fun with everyone else and not drinking. But to be honest I think I need to look at that anyway and work out why not drinking makes me feel anxious.

 

I feel silly moaning about all this, but it's that overwhelming fear all the time of harming that comes back. My main thought of killing a baby by hitting myself in the stomach is always still there too - so it's pretty stressful when I get like this too, it makes me very teary during the day and feeling drained :(

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