Cant stop feeling guilty about thoughts

[mfh010]

For about 6 years now i have always felt guilty thinking i can sacrifice someone with my mind. I would think things in my head "i would sacrificing someone for something to happen," then I would feel guilty about that. At the moment I thought in my head about 5 months ago "I would sacrifice someone for a team to win a match",that i was watching. The other team stuffed up their chance to win, when in most cases they would have won and it was looking like the team I had the thought about was about to win as they just needed to convert a easy kick in nfl, which he would get almost every time. So i thought the opposite, "that i would sacrifice someone for the team to not win", to prove i dont have control. He missed the kick and they ended up not winning and now I feel guilty all the time cause of it, and spend all my time stressing and trying to prove to myself that I cant sacrifice someone with my mind. I think because he missed the kick, i have sacrificed someone(who wasn’t even relevant to the game). The guilt is there all the time and i don't know what do.

[photog13]

Hi mfh010,

First, welcome to the forum!  I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time.  What you're describing does sound like a common occurrence with OCD called magical thinking.  Have you had any therapy for OCD in the past?  In a nutshell, the gold standard treatment for OCD of any type/theme is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which focuses on the way we think about the obsessions (the cognitive part) and what we do in response to them (the behavioral part).

[mfh010]

Yeah im currently seeing a psychologist, and there have been improvements, but my mind is constantly thinking "what if" and worrying about it all the time.

[PolarBear]

Stop trying to answer the what if questions. That's what gets you into trouble. Think, oh well I guess I sacrificed someone. Then leave the matter alone.

[St Mike]

On 26/05/2017 at 14:45, mfh010 said:

i have always felt guilty thinking i can sacrifice someone with my mind.

On 26/05/2017 at 14:45, mfh010 said:

spend all my time stressing and trying to prove to myself that I cant sacrifice someone with my mind.

The following are my personal opinions and suggestions, they are not intended to replace the advice of a mental health or medical care professional.

It seems it is OCD playing tricks with your mind in the form of magical thinking. You are spending time on compulsive answer finding to establish the fact that you can't sacrifice someone with your mind to ease your guilt caused by the magical thinking or intrusive thought of you thinking about sacrificing someone using your mind.

It basically involves 3 components and they are self-reinforcing and form a cycle.

It would look like the following:

Intrusive thought leading to Guilt which in turn leads to Compulsion

Some suggestions:

1. Tackle the intrusive thought

In the long run, you need to recognise the intrusive thought is meaningless, it is the OCD mind which latches on to the thought and give it undue significance over other mundane day to day thoughts. Use mindfulness, treat the thought with equanimity, don't get worried, disgusted or have any strong emotional reaction to it. It comes and it goes, let it fade away, like a naughty child who gives up bothering you when you don't respond to his tantrums.

 

2. Tackle the guilt 

Since the guilt is caused by your OCD, the guilt is based on irrelevant intrusive thoughts. You did not actually cause harm or misfortune to anyone. So cast the guilt aside, technically there is nothing to forgive because you didn't really do anything wrong, but if it makes you feel better, then, just forgive and forget it. CHUCK out the guilt, the guilt is based on NONSENSE.

 

3. Tackle the compulsion

STOP and RESIST the urge to look for answers, distract yourself with something else to do like a chore or running an errand or just focus on the activity you are doing at the moment.

Due to the nature of OCD, you will find no peace when you get an answer, the relief is only temporary. It in fact validates the existence of your intrusive thought or magical thinking by giving it all the focus and attention by looking for answers, it completes the cycle. As you can see, you have been searching for answers for the last six years, has it brought you any peace or relief? 

Extra Tip

Should any anxiety arise, counter it with deep breathing exercises. Or better still, learn mindfulness of breath meditation, it is a very effective way to calm anxiety.

Once you successfully tackle any one or more of the components involved, you break the cycle and weaken the other components because they depend on each other for continuity. As a result it weakens OCD's hold over you and your mind, allowing you to feel better and have more time because you are no longer involved in compulsive answer finding and don't react adversely to the intrusive thought.

[mfh010]

Thanks for the replies guys, its just that the thought im obsessing over at the moment it was such an unlikely scenerio that both teams didnt win when they had the chance, and ive been attached to it so heavily ever since. I do realise how silly it seems to let a thought take control of my life, however it is really hard to just put it to the back of my mind and move on.

[PolarBear]

And yet that's what you have to do.