6yr old son recently displaying OCD symptoms

[Jacqueline]

Please help, we are at the end of our tether. 

At the beginning of Feb 2017 my son began acting strange. I was heavily pregnant and very unwell.  We put it down to him worrying about me being ill while pregnant. 

The day we brought the new baby home all hell broke loose in the house. Our son had a melt down and tried to jump out of the window. Saying he didn't deserve to be loved or to have a family. He was so distressed, he became violent and very worried about poison, contamination and being sick. (He was very ill with chicken pox and norovirus in Dec and Jan) he was terrified of getting as sick again.  Almost over night our son changed. He began obsessive hand washing that day so much so he melted down at school. He refused to put his blazer on and was running around school fearful of poison. 

The handwashing had been really bad 100plus times per day for about 6 weeks, then it went to spitting, punching himself, various ticks. Now he's hand washing again, soaking all his clothes he took his pants and trousers off in the class room on Friday as he had wet them so much with handwashing. 

His behaviour is terrible, he's hitting and being really hurtful to me and his dad. 

He is constantly asking questions about poison and electricity and death.  He is so fearful of contamination. He seems to contain this in others homes but not with us or in our home. 

Im really struggling to cope with his behaviours Iv just had a baby and every day since she has been born has been terrible with him. Im beginning to resent him and feel like I have to leave the family home. 

I got camhs help the day after this happened, I know we r fortunate accessing help so quickly. We don't feel as though we are getting anywhere though. He starts play therapy in a few weeks however he won't talk to any one or tell us what's upsetting him or worrying him. 

We r all out of ideas how to cope as a family. 

It always ends up an argument and shouting as I can't cope now. He hit me the other day and I slapped him back. I know this isn't helpful or acceptable but I lost control. 

It feels as though we lost our son overnight. I'm scared for his future and the future of our family. 

Please help I don't know where to turn. 

The child psychiatrist is toying with diagnosis of PANDAS OR OCD due to the infections and chicken pox. This all started when he became ill. 

Many helpful advice would be gratefully received! 

Thanks 

[lostinme]

Hi Jaqueline it broke my heart to read your story both for you and your son. It's really tiring having a new born baby to look after and of course this added stress is having an effect on your mood too. So you must be finding things really difficult. 

I think there is possibly a mixture of things happening with your son, it sounds very much that he has OCD tendencies I also suffer with very similar themes to your son. It's also possible that it could be related to PANDAS  as well caused by the strep virus from when he was ill. So he could have several things affecting him right now. It sounds to me that he is a frightened little boy that's not finding it easy to express himself and that's why he's lashing out, not to hurt anyone just because he's upset and frustrated and don't know how to handle how he's feeling. I think he is just very afraid and really not sure what's happening to him himself either and he's too young to understand. 

I don't think he is doing these things to be deliberately naughty, he is just afraid, I remember how I felt at his age and it sounds like you are in need of some specialist help as soon as possible to help you all through this difficult time. 

Thinking of you all and hope you get some help sorted soon 

lost 

[Jacqueline]

Hi lost, 

im broken, we have just had a massive row he hates me.  Today has been terrible. 

I don't feel as though we r getting anywhere with camhs as he won't talk to them. He just says he's scared of poison and electricity.  He changed clothes 12 times today, I'm exhausted and feel as though I'm breaking down. No one in the family understands. I don't know how to get through it. I'm afraid his life is over as we knew it. 

Im breast feeding and having to stop as I can't devote the time to the baby, I'm broken 

[snowbear]

Hi Jacqueline, welcome to the forum. 

You're clearly under a lot of stress just now, so first things first...take a few slow, deep breaths in and out, and relax your shoulder and back muscles.  

If I had a pound for every time I've thought 'I'm broken, I can't go on' I'd be a millionaire. It feels like that at the moments of highest stress when you're going through it, but a few hours later when things are calmer you'll rally again. Remember to take care of yourself while all this is going on. Enlist the help of partner or family to give you time for a relaxing bath or a walk in the fresh air to clear your head, take the time to prepare and eat proper meals rather than grabbing snacks, and consider taking a nap in the day if you get the chance. You know all this stuff, of course, but it helps to be reminded as all too easily we stop giving ourselves permission for the time it takes to do some self-care.  

You mentioned seeing a child psychologist and soon to start play therapy. That's two big positives in your favour.   Don't worry that he hasn't opened up to anyone at CAMHS yet, it's the job of the play therapist to get him to engage and talk. One step at a time.

Meanwhile don't take the rows and 'I hate yous' to heart, just let them go and carry on as if he'd just said 'I love you'. Have you any family support? Could your partner look after your six year old while you breast feed so you at least get those times as quiet space? 

Exhaustion makes everything feel so much worse. I hope you manage to get some rest tonight. Let us know how things are going.  

[carolj]

Hi Jacqueline

I can't better anything Snowbear has said, she always has good advice, but I would reiterate that your son most certainly doesn't hate you, he loves you, very, very much.

It is my son with OCD, but I have just read something my daughter posted on Facebook.  When she was a little girl she had leukaemia (possibly a trigger for my son's OCD, who knows), someone is writing a book and was asking for people's thoughts on what are good things to say and bad things to say to people with cancer.  In her reply she said as a side note, 'be prepared for your child to be absolutely vile to you', (as she could be!), but who else are they going to be vile to? Actually they love you more than anything and you are their rock'.  I think you have to try to hang on to that.  You are the people he can show his terror to and he is most certainly terrified.  He needs your love more than ever, but never feel guilty for losing it!!  My son is an adult now, but I remember yelling at him, trying to get him to school, we still have our moments now!  None of us ever thought we would have to  deal with something like this and have absolutely no idea what we are doing!

Going to work was and still is, my escapism, my time when I am able to, or try to, put my family problems to one side.  I am thinking probably your partner/husband is able to do the same, so, as Snowbear suggests,  ask him when he gets home if he will spend may be an hour with your son, whilst you do the normal things in life.  When your son is at school, forget the housework, take time out for yourself and your baby.  I do hope school are being supportive and have set up help for him?  

im also assuming you still have a health visitor for the baby.  I would speak to her and try to enlist her help in getting your son's therapy as soon as possible.  In fact enlist the help of anyone you can think of.  It can feel lonely, but doesnt need to be 

 

 

[Jacqueline]

Hi guys, 

thanks for the advice.  I feel even more silly this morning. I'm a mental health nurse and can deal with this at work but. It at home! 

He slept well but woke up with a nightmare at 6am and he's been upset most of the morning. We have managed to get out to his best friends trampolining party so far so good, he looks terrified though! 

Because of my job Iv managed to access help really quickly, play therapy is delayed cause we r going on holiday. I'm dreading it now I want to cancel. 

He has been under stress since July last year when I became pregnant, I was ill with a brain tumour he thought I was going to die, then the baby was 7 weeks prem and neo natal for 3 weeks. So he's been traumatised. 

The play therapist is an old lady whom clearly has anxiety issues of her own! I can't see him talking to her. 

Today he's really concerned about poison particularly that of the cobra snake? God knows where he gets all this from. He's scared all the time. Bless him. 

My hubby works really long hours so the kids r in bed when he eventually gets home, he does his fair share when he can. I'm due back to work in 11 weeks and I don't know how on earth im going to manage.   The school have been awesome with him and are going to liaise with the consultant psychiatrist and the educational psychologist. 

Iv not had much sleep but figure it's best to keep him busy and out the house as long as I can today to prevent the handwashing and clothes changing! That stresses me out. I feel dragged into the OCD as he's making me hoover his room five times per day! If I don't he can't go into it. How on earth do I win? 

Much love and thanks xx

[lostinme]

It sounds like it's been a traumatic year for all off you Jacqueline, I think its bad enough for us as adults to cope with all of this never mind a young boy. I can relate to your son and what he is going through right now because mine started at a really young age also and with many compulsions similar to your sons. Even though some of his actions and behaviours may seem very bizzarrre to you and you probably can't understand why he's behaving this way, but to him he will probably feel that he needs to do these things and if it is like mine he probably believes that doing all these things in a certain way will protect his family and keep them all safe.  It's a difficult time for all of you and I feel for you all, I just wish I could help and advise you more to help you all through this difficult time. Hopefully you will get some much needed help soon. 

Thinking of you all 

lost 

[PolarBear]

When I finished reading your first post, the very first thing that came to mind was PANDAS.

Children with PANDAS turn on a dime. One day they are fine; the next day all hell breaks loose. I strongly encourage you to buy the book Saving Sammy and read it. It is an eye opening story of one mom's struggle to figure out what happened to her son, whose behavior was quite like your son's. A simple test can confirm whether PANDAS us a possibility.

[Jacqueline]

Hi polar bear, 

he ha been diagnosed with pandas now they did suggest it at the beginning. It's all over the place. He's had an awesome week but tonight is now displaying the OCD esque symptoms.  I feel as though I'm on an emotional roller coaster. He's had another infection so I'm expecting the fallout from that to be intensive. 

We are back to the peads next week! Do people recover from pandas?? I will look into the book. X

[PolarBear]

Absolutely they recover. The sufferer is put on a big dose of a special antibiotic and the symptoms disappear. They forever more have to watch out for strep infections. Totally curable from what I understand.