I'm beyond help

[don't know]

Even coming onto the forums, you can clearly see who suffers from OCD and I just don't know. 

[Nicki]

5 minutes ago, don't know said:

Even coming onto the forums, you can clearly see who suffers from OCD and I just don't know. 

I doubt having OCD all the time myself and it is a reocurring thing on the forum as well

[don't know]

But I don't think I'm doubting, I think I'm just clinging onto some sick hope that this is ocd. I wish it was, because I know I could go back to who I was. There's no point anymore.

[OceanDweller]

9 minutes ago, don't know said:

Because it's obviously not helping. I've tried cbt and it doesn't work. I'm on medication and it's been helping with the anxiety and the depression 

Was the CBT delivered correctly and for a sufficient period of time? Did you follow the instructions to the letter and practise all the techniques suggested? Could you have worked any harder?

[Nicki]

2 minutes ago, don't know said:

But I don't think I'm doubting, I think I'm just clinging onto some sick hope that this is ocd. I wish it was, because I know I could go back to who I was. There's no point anymore.

Same here. Because if it is not ocd i am a bad person. Believe almost everyone here has this issue. Otjerwise they would just accept the thoughts instead of posting here 

[don't know]

Yes I did all of that. My therapist specialised in cbt, so it didn't work. I don't know. My thoughts of incest, and needing the toilet all the time have lifted and they were OCD, so if these thoughts were OCD wouldn't they have lifted too? 

As the two other thoughts required no cbt and lifted on their own. 

[Nicki]

Why should it have lifted as well? I had several obsessions the past twelve years including relationship ocd, vomitting, afraid of being a necrophile...alll these are as good as gone but the pocd is Always there. Probably because this means the most to me and hurts me the most. That probably is the case for you as well.

Stand back for a moment and try to be objective. It's clear you spend so much time worrying about this ... people who are heterosexual or homosexual don't have that. They have known all along. They don't doubt this.

 

[don't know]

But why would it hurt me the most. That's the thing, I can understand for people that have pocd or harm OCD why they hate their thoughts and worry about so much- but me I don't have that same fear around it. It's more like I don't recognise myself and I want to go back to who I was attracted to with no anxiety attached. It just feels so far gone; as though it was never there. I don't see how that is ocd. 

I don't even spend that much time: the number has decreased from sleepless nights with racing thoughts to now getting on with my day like a normal person. I can function; it's just I feel weird now. I felt confident in my sexuality and now that's gone. 

I don't know

Edited June 10, 2017 by snowbear
removed swearing

[don't know]

I feel like my life was going fine and I was heading for great things and then in 2015- gone! There's a split in the timeline of my life and everything goes back to that year. It was the worst. I can never feel fine again. I can never recover from this. 

I still haven't really spoken that has suffered from this to the same extent as me and has gotten through it. 

I just feel so tired. I wish i didn't go to sleep that night. If I didn't, I still would've been fine. 

[don't know]

I'm so sorry, I just need to know that someone has recovered from this.

[Nicki]

hello again ,

I believe you are able to recover from this as we know ocd is a treatable illness. In your first comment you said that you don't have a lot of thoughts and that you are not obsessing while clearly you are. It might be that you are puzzled by this because that feeling of anxiety is not really there anymore and that's why you feel empty.

You are not used to not having so much thoughts that you feel rather freaked out.
I do doubt my ocd so much and wonder if it's ocd at all and whether I will recover. But like I said before, this is really common here and I just had a post on this myself.

and like Polar bear Always says : you need to take a leap of faith here that it's ocd.

And it's like I said earlier.. people that are homo-bi-heter-... sexual , they just know. They don't go over and over their sexuality again and again. They just know.

[don't know]

Hello and thanks for the comment. 

I know I'm very annoying as I keep posting but I just don't know. I don't really see how this could be OCD. Like I said I don't understand how this could be- to me it feels like some sick excuse. I was actually reading posts from a user named Eric Dave, and I could relate to everything he said. He kept posting and he didn't believe it was OCD as his attraction had gone and he didn't have any other debillatating themes. 

I was just watching a programme about a man who came out in India. I ended up talking all the way through it so I didn't have to listen to it. Just any talk of sexuality and dating makes me feel sick. I don't see how it can get better. I still feel warm and sick. Oh, I just don't know

But I hope you can recover and get through you're OCD, and thanks again for the comment

[Ashley]

26 minutes ago, don't know said:

I was actually reading posts from a user named Eric Dave, and I could relate to everything he said. He kept posting and he didn't believe it was OCD as his attraction had gone and he didn't have any other debillatating themes. 

I don't think it is appropriate for me to comment about other users not involved in a discussion, but I don't think those threads will not help you one little bit. 

Going back to the title of your thread, if you truly believe that then why should we bother replying?  Hopefully what you mean is you 'want our help, to help you help yourself'?   I see two types of forum users, those who may struggle, may be having a hard time but are looking for little bits of help and inspiration to keep going until they can restart their recovery fight because deep down they want to fight and know they can improve their situation in some capacity.   The other type is those who sadly through the illness have falsely been led to believe they are beyond help and will post how bad they feel, but don't do anything to try and fight their way to recovery, often I think they simply post and don't even read the replies they get. Thankfully that latter type is the minority. 

 

On ‎10‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 00:50, don't know said:

 I basically explained that my compulsions have stopped. I don't have many thoughts, but yet, I don't feel back to my old self. I guess what I mean is that I can feel happy, have a laugh, a good time - but I still feel empty. It just doesn't feel the same as it used to. I'm bothered by this because I don't know whether this is ocd or not. I'm not obsessing anymore but at the same time I'm starting to question whether these sexual obsessions were OCD or whether they just came up suddenly about two and half years ago and have switched everything around. I don't know.

 

It's not unsuual for people to doubt they have OCD, but reading above I suspect (may be wrong) but actually your compulsions have not stopped at all, I beleive this questioning if it is OCD or not is one big compulsion. 

You are seeking reassurance multiple times on this thread (which is fine, I am not having a go), but I am pointing it out to show you that's also a compulsion.   So your compulsions haven't gone, they have just changed and become more subtle.

Part of dealing with and overcoming OCD is educating ourselves.

 

On ‎10‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 17:52, don't know said:

My therapist specialised in cbt, so it didn't work.

Quote

Because it's obviously not helping. I've tried cbt and it doesn't work. I'm on medication and it's been helping with the anxiety and the depression 

Again I would challenge that.    We know that CBT is the only treatment for OCD, but we also know that not all CBT therapists understand OCD or have a clue how to treat it.  So you can't say you had CBT with a CBT specialist and it didnt work so right off CBT.    Saldy most of us have to fight for more CBT with a more experienced and knowledgable therapist. 

Yes medication will help you manage anaxiety, but it wont treat the cause, the OCD... which is where the CBT is needed.

 

Quote

I have read her book as well as Pure O by Chrissie Hodges

This may also be where you are going wrong a little bit.   Stop thinking of what you have to be Pure O, POCD or anything else, it is just OCD.  So put down books on Pure O and buy books which help you understand OCD and how to treat OCD, Break free from OCD is one, and Liz Forrester's How to deal with OCD is another good one. 

 

[don't know]

Hello and thanks for your comment.

i don't know why I post on here. I feel like I want to just feel like this is ocd. But again, not sure. I wouldn't say I'm doubting.

My therapist is trained in OCD, but again, this is working; so, I don't know. She's really good but the therapy isn't working. 

I also believe my compulsions have gone. I don't do anything really, so if they are gone; why would this continue? 

I have read many OCD books, including break free from OCD and I can't get through them because I feel like I don't relate to them. I prefer to look into personal stories with OCD. Hers was an example, and she dealt with the same obsessive thoughts but the entire time I thought I was different. 

But anyway, thanks for the comment 

[don't know]

I don't know, am I in denial?

What is denial even? I need to know, because now I'm worrying that I could be.

i used to look it up all the time and I don't now- so have I always been in denial? 

[Ashley]

More compulsions, by posting if you're in denial thats asking yourself or us for reassurance.... (why is why pure O is a **** term). 

[don't know]

I'm not a believer in the term 'pure o' either. I believe it's all OCD just like you.

But I am wondering because I don't know. Maybe somebody reading could tell me. I wouldn't call that a compulsion. I'm just wanting to know.

[PolarBear]

Ashley is right. You keep asking the same questions, over and over. You're seeking reassurance and that is a compulsion. Your compulsions haven't ended... They've changed.

[Unsurechap]

Hi Don't know. i can empathise with what you are going thru as i've had the same OCD theme. Its really tough i know as it feels like your whole world has been turned upside down. Unfortunately noone can tell you your sexual orientation other than you. but ask yourself this, did you ever fancy anyone before all this started, any crushes at all? What turns you on sexually with any self pleasure, thats you orientation right there. but what you have to do is to a certain degree give up the ghost of solving this problem and live your life the way you want to live it there are no hard and fast rules when it comes down to who you spend your time with. if you wanna be straight, just live a straight life in spite of your doubts. there is no need to do anything. i speak from experience of someone who was convinved they were gay, came out to all my friends and all but couldnt understand it when i still managed to, and only really ever have been, get aroused by women.

[don't know]

I don't even have compulsions as in the past they would have been:

•checking my finger ratio

•checking pupil dilation

•checking for groinal responses

•avoiding tv programmes

•not letting people touch me

•not saying certain words

•saying words over and over again in my head 

•checking memories

•doing online tests

•trying to seek reassurance 

etc

i don't do any of these anymore; so what am I left with? It can't be OCD. 

[PhilM]

So medication is the answer in your view? You said "I can't deal with this anymore" but unfortunately or fortunately you have to deal with "it" if you want to start recovering.

[don't know]

I'm on medication 125mg, so again, I don't know.

i feel bad because people are trying so hard to help and encourage recovery.

I'm sorry to waste people's time.

[PolarBear]

We've already pointed out one obvious compulsion and that is reassurance seeking.

[Ashley]

17 hours ago, don't know said:

i don't do any of these anymore; so what am I left with? It can't be OCD. 

This here is a compulsion, this very question, this very ruminating. 

 

[don't know]

But how is this a compulsion? 

What even is ruminating? Isn't that where you think of something over and over again and come to no conclusion? Because I don't think that's what I'm doing.