Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 As many of you know I have come so far with my OCD. I have cured, yes that's right I used the C word, many of my OCD issues, but I remain stuck on one final fear that I can't shift yet... but I will. I need to suck it up and seek out some help, partly due to the embarrassing nature of my final OCD nemesis I have been reluctant to do that. But I have come so, so far and it's worth (me) revisiting that.... you should all do the same,. focus on what you have been able to do, not what you can't. But part of recover is recognising when you need to push on yourself (I do) and when external support can be helpful (I think it will). The other part of recovery is knowing that recovery does not come to you, you have to make it happen, and in recognition of that here are some examples of me making my OCD recovery happen. Licking the sole of my shoe.... why? Because in my mind my shoes have been walking on pee in the urinals and all sorts. Holding sheep poo... Whilst cycling the Scottish Highlands I commented to Paul about all the sheep poop and without a word he picked it up, and automatically without me saying a word I held my hand out for it. This was two days later, and Lisa was there so I asked for a pic... my face shows I didn't like it, but that's the point.... we don't have to like our OCD exercises, we just have to do them!!!!! I then carried on cycling with no hand washing. Dinosaur poop.... allegedly. I saw this at the Heights of Abraham in Matlock Bath at the weekend so I touched it (for me, with my OCD this is still a little anxiety provoking). Then I purchased these two pieces which are on my desk at home. I will take to my support groups for anybody who wants to challenge themselves. This was last month.... I still have some concerns with dog poop (many do), so I realised I needed to do something and act. I couldn't even look when my friend picked up the poop of their dog, so I realised I had to play this one a little carefully. So I faced my fears in steps, on several consecutive visits, all of which are fine because I was working up to the ultimate goal.... 1 - Watch friend pick it up 2 - My friend waved the dog poop bag in front of me (they knew about my OCD and was teasing, but actually I needed it). 3 - Asked my friend to place their hand on my hand after they had picked up the dog poop. 4 - My friend picked it up, but I carried the bag to the bin. I did this two or three times before the next step. 5 - I wear petrol station gloves to pick it up (see picture). I did it a second time later that same dog walk too. 6 - I do it like every dog owner and pick it up with the bag only (still yet to do this as not seen my friend in a while, but I think I can). Actually after the picture a combination of smell and anxiety and I threw up several times lol The point is, don't beat yourself up if you can't do a therapy exercise, just look at how you can work up to it... but be careful, don't avoid, keep moving forward like I did otherwise additional steps are pointless. Hand into toilet water. I was helped by Paul with this, and it took me 6 months to build up courage to do this, in the end on the day the anxiety after doing it went within 2 or 3 minutes. The reason being I had spent months mentally preparing myself (too long actually) but in the end the therapists there gave me the choice not to do it, but I said yes I will do it and I think us 'choosing' to do the exercises are so, so powerful, it's a mental choice. So with all these I 'chose' to do them, and for recovery to happen we all have to choose to change. All therapy exercises will be anxiety invoking, but if we 'choose' to invoke the anxiety then if the CBT is done correctly in advance, we will be fine and the anxiety is minimal. With all of these, don't just do it once, do it over, and over until there is no anxiety at all. Finally, the other part of recovery is belief and hope, without those recovery won't happen (in some respects the more progress we make, the more this belief is reinforced), so my final words to you are #Belief #Hope #Recovery Link to comment
taurean Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Really great post Ashley. I have animal poo from cats and foxes in my garden. I don't have contamination issues with it, but realise the challenge this garden would present to someone who had that theme. The facts are absolutely as per Ashley and his ERP. The goal to turn the response to poo and pee into my response - some very very minor annoyance, annoyance that I have to clear it up - but no fear threat or anxiety or strong revulsion. Whatever our theme, we must work our own programme in this manner and, if we have understood how the disorder works - the cognitive side - and are working through the ERP in the correct manner it is likely to successfully turn the intrusion into a nothing, just mental chaff. Link to comment
lostinme Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Well done Ashley you've done great, I have contamination issues also so totally understand how difficult this as been for you I totally agree - Belief - hope- recovery It also takes - Hard work- determination and perseverance, we are all capable of achieving this Link to comment
Lish Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 This is absolutely brilliant! You really have took on the OCD demon. You should be very proud of yourself Link to comment
Marko2020 Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Well done Ashley and want to ask you something. i have terrible OCD about horror films and the voices of the characters stuck in my head and it makes me think I'll carry out some bad stuff, how could I deal with this because watching the film again would cause me even more anxiety and new memory pictures. I know you say to face your fears but how can I face this one? i try to ignore the thoughts and he voices etc but I think secretly doing that is making me think more. an example is I was watching a stream and a guy was playing Friday the 13th game and it brought this on, the chanting Jason does before he kills someone is perminately in my head. I don't know what to do about this one. I have come a long way but horror films are the main thing now. @Ashley Link to comment
snowbear Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 First off, Big achievements of which you should be very proud, Ashley. But now I have a question. 5 hours ago, Ashley said: 5 - I wear petrol station gloves to pick it up This is the first time in my life I've heard of 'petrol station gloves'. Is this a personal OCD issue or has modern society as a whole become (dare I say it) 'a little bit OCD' in thinking it's normal/necessary to use gloves when filling the car with petrol? Link to comment
taurean Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) 12 minutes ago, snowbear said: Is this a personal OCD issue or has modern society as a whole become (dare I say it) 'a little bit OCD' in thinking it's normal/necessary to use gloves when filling the car with petrol? The "petrol station gloves" are simply plastic bags with a hand painted on them that allows you not to get petrol on your hands from any spillage during the filling process. Sometimes we are quite well dressed and on our way out, or going into the supermarket, when we visit the service station. So they just do a job, same as I use latex disposable gloves around jobs with unpleasant fluids around the house. Nothing OCD to be specifically read into them - though no doubt out there somewhere someone will have an obsession or ritual around the fuel the bags or something else at the service station. . Edited June 14, 2017 by taurean Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 20 minutes ago, taurean said: The "petrol station gloves" are simply plastic bags with a hand painted on them Not at petrol stations I use they are real plastic gloves. I don't use them OCD wise, I just hate the smell of petrol on my hands so I tend to use them when filling up because petrol smell takes forever to get rid of, not good if on a date :D. But if there no gloves I am fine to use pumps without the glove. I do believe the gloves were first used when diesel become popular. Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 5 hours ago, Marko2020 said: i have terrible OCD about horror films and the voices of the characters stuck in my head and it makes me think I'll carry out some bad stuff, how could I deal with this because watching the film again would cause me even more anxiety and new memory pictures. I think the answer is there, in watching again. But, that said not before therapy (I know issues getting that). For me all of my above success is only because of doing the cognitive work first. With a therapist (sort of) and getting my own head around it. C before B every time I reckon. 5 hours ago, Marko2020 said: @Ashley No need to use these, I ignore and have notifications turned off! (otherwise I will be on here all day replying to people). If I could I would have this feature removed from the forum but sadly a new built in feature. Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 5 hours ago, Lish said: This is absolutely brilliant! You really have took on the OCD demon. You should be very proud of yourself Thank you Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 5 hours ago, lostinme said: Hard work- determination and perseverance Indeed. We won't succeed first time, every time. So we have to review, and persevere. Link to comment
snowbear Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 20 minutes ago, Ashley said: I don't use them OCD wise, I just hate the smell of petrol on my hands But if there no gloves I am fine to use pumps without the glove. I do believe the gloves were first used when diesel become popular. Thank you for explaining. I was pondering on why petrol stations would provide gloves at all since there is no risk involved in getting fuel on your hands. I've never in my life used a diesel pump, so maybe that's why I was unaware of the existence of gloves at petrol stations. Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 I have a petrol car, but still use them.... actually I am the person that takes a dozen at a time... great for sticking in the back of my cycle bag in case of needing to adjust chain or remove back wheel on bike... or pick dog poop up lol. Link to comment
lostinme Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 That made me laugh But made me think, maybe we think to much ahead planning for a just in case we need moment, such as the gloves, I find I do this with a few things Link to comment
taurean Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 34 minutes ago, Ashley said: Not at petrol stations I use they are real plastic gloves. Golly, Didn't realise I was slumming it at my petrol station. Got a new choice criterion to think about now before I choose where to buy my petrol. Plastic bags, or real plastic gloves? Mind you, as I only drive around 2,000 miles a year, I am not exactly a regular plastic bag wearer Link to comment
lostinme Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 2 minutes ago, taurean said: Golly, Didn't realise I was slumming it at my petrol station. Got a new choice criterion to think about now before I choose where to buy my petrol. Plastic bags, or real plastic gloves? Mind you, as I only drive around 2,000 miles a year, I am not exactly a regular plastic bag wearer That really made me chuckle Roy ''twas the lift I needed Link to comment
Marko2020 Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 The last therapy I got many years ago said to not watch them again as it could trigger stuff again. I don't even like horror films no more but they live on in my head. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Marko, if you were in therapy and after you had done cognitive work, you would be asked to watch a slew of horror films, always mindful of trying not to do compulsions. Link to comment
St Mike Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 This post is awesome Ashley!!! Good on you mate. You have set the example for all members of the forum. You have indeed "Talk the talk and Walk the walk". I am so thankful that I didn't have OCD with a contamination theme involved, so no "poo" ERP for me. phew..... Link to comment
bruces Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 15 hours ago, snowbear said: Thank you for explaining. I was pondering on why petrol stations would provide gloves at all since there is no risk involved in getting fuel on your hands. I've never in my life used a diesel pump, so maybe that's why I was unaware of the existence of gloves at petrol stations. The diesel pumps often have spillages on them and are some times quite dirty Link to comment
taurean Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Not many people would have the option to have dinosaur poo as a sculpture - wonder how much antiques roadshow would value them at? Dale Carnegie the American supplier of adult evening classes had some dinosaur tracks he bought for his garden. They reminded him not to worry about anything, since those tracks had been around for thousands of years Link to comment
snowbear Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I think the dinosaur poo is cool. If it's genuine (and sorry, but it's a big 'if'!) then I'd be picking it up and examining it close up to see if I could find any clues as to what kind of food the dinosaur had been eating; was it carnivore or herbivore? Did it thoroughly digest its food or pass much of the vegetable matter through unchanged? Curiosity is a great way to overcome contamination disgust and fear. Link to comment
Ashley Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 8 minutes ago, snowbear said: I think the dinosaur poo is cool This was the display one... I did touch it! Link to comment
Gemma7 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 The pics are brilliant Ashley and well done for doing all these exposures. I've also taken some pictures when I've done certain exposures, I think they're a great way to document recovery. What's funny is how I find I'm smiling while doing a well planned exposure more often than you would think. It's that sense of freedom you get from opening up a bit of your life and kicking OCD butt. Link to comment
Gemma7 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 12 minutes ago, snowbear said: I think the dinosaur poo is cool. If it's genuine (and sorry, but it's a big 'if'!) then I'd be picking it up and examining it close up to see if I could find any clues as to what kind of food the dinosaur had been eating; was it carnivore or herbivore? Did it thoroughly digest its food or pass much of the vegetable matter through unchanged? I agree it looks interesting stuff, I think from the size of it we can at least assume it wasn't the size of a mouse Link to comment
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