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I know I've posted here before but this is way way worse than ever before I literally cannot see a way out other than a mental ward or worse.

I'm tired of it all,absolutely exhausted,I see not future at all and my past was just as bad.

god knows anymore ! 

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Guest David green

You Dont wanna end up there bruce its horrible i did after i kept calling the crisis line i ended up in A & E 3 times i was lucky to get out next day because they wanted to section me.You would just be left there with real sick people.

 

I was kinda like you a while back but ive stopped calling that crisis line and the medication is helping now plus im not posting all the time on this forum.

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Guest David green

I know bruce i felt the same it did get better when the medication started working.My old anti depressant stopped working have they looked at your meds to try help you.

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I've planned a holiday with friends in 3 weeks which I was excited about at first but now I'm panicking about packing the right things etc 

ive accepted a new job which is worrying me to death as I don't know if it was right thing to do as it's less money.

i dont trust my own mind and I don't know why,I cannot make decisions,I'm full of self loathing,regret,guilt and sadness. 

All the things many others can relate to I'd imagine,I'm gaining no pleasure from life :( 

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13 minutes ago, David green said:

I know bruce i felt the same it did get better when the medication started working.My old anti depressant stopped working have they looked at your meds to try help you.

I've had my meds upped,I'm exercising,socialising and I'm lost I really am 

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4 hours ago, bruces said:

I see not future at all and my past was just as bad

The past is already over and you can never ever change it. The future is yet to come and basically unpredictable. 

Use mindfulness to live in the present.

Stop all the rumination about the future and the past, it is pointless and a waste of time.

Live in the here and now. Focus on what you need to do in the immediate and near present, don't bother about the future.

All the matters is now.

1 hour ago, bruces said:

I don't know if

 Don't ruminate about it. You have made your decision. Do your best and the rest will take care of itself.

1 hour ago, bruces said:

I'm full of self loathing,regret,guilt and sadness. 

It is OCD that is causing you to self loath, feel regret, guilt and sadness.

Chuck all of these negative feelings out of the window.

Forgive yourself, don't dwell on guilt and regret. Adopt a forgiving attitude to yourself and live life with mindfulness.

Respect, love, kindness, forgiveness begins with you. You are as deserving of these as anyone else but the first person to accord you all these things is YOU.

 

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I try I really do I keep saying words like "hope,forwards,positivity" to myself over and over again but it just doesn't seem to absorb somehow.

i don't know how true self-forgiveness is issued,you can tell yourself it but do you believe it? 

Its so damn hard but I guess you guys all know that!

and apologies to my good friend snowy,who has already tried to answer my weird questions a million times! 

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47 minutes ago, bruces said:

i don't know how true self-forgiveness is issued,you can tell yourself it but do you believe it? 

Indeed I do. 

From my experience, it is not simply saying "I forgive myself" or looking in the mirror and saying that phrase. I searched deep in my heart and found the door to my heart. I brought out the love and compassion I would show to a loved one when I had truly forgiven them, or like a mother forgiving her child and apply that to myself. Just as the mother bears no grudges against the child, I bear no grudges and no guilt towards myself for all the intrusive, sick, deprived thoughts that popped into the mind against my will. They came about not because I was sick or deprived, but due to OCD. With that, I forgave me.

It comes from the heart, not the head.

Edited by St Mike
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51 minutes ago, PhilM said:

If you don't mind me asking are you using the expression "self-forgiveness" about OCD or other (private) issues in your life?

Good question,I think ocd issues and other personal failings are well connected. 

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Guest Nikki79

I am confused by forgiveness too as that tells me that you are definitely guilty of something. That makes me feel very uneasy and increases anxiety.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'd love to be able to think like a normal resin for an hour,I'd love to be able to have achieved something in my life but above all I'd love to be able to experience happiness for me and all of us 

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On 21/06/2017 at 04:39, Nikki79 said:

I am confused by forgiveness too as that tells me that you are definitely guilty of something.

The forgiveness is meant to counter the emotions of guilt that is perceived or for most OCD sufferers, the guilt which is distorted and brought about by OCD and perceived irrationally by the sufferer, the sufferer is not necessarily guilty of anything e.g, a crime, a sin etc, if any at all, not especially if it involves an involuntary intrusive thought.

In my humble opinion, the antidote to self-hate, self-loathing is loving-kindness and forgiveness. Each of us has the potential to tap the love, kindness and forgiveness in our hearts. We see that in our daily lives, how people help one another, put aside differences to help another human being in times of difficulties, forget the grudges and forgive eachother for the common good.

It is heart-felt, it comes from the heart. We can tap this love, this loving, forgiving emotion/energy and apply it to ourselves; it is strong and will get stronger if we focus more on the love, kindness and forgiveness than the guilt, and in doing so allows us to eventually conquer the guilt.

Edited by St Mike
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