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One panic goes away, a new one rises


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Well, the good news is - I'm officially over my cheating fear! Through a lot of exposures (imaginal and real), I was able to shake that one off and even have a great time going out with my friends last weekend. 

An old friend has resurfaced, and I need some guidance. The HIV scare has come back. While walking through a public area barefoot, I stepped on something sharp. Most people would just assume they stepped on an earring or something. Not me, I assumed that I stepped on a syringe used by a junkie with HIV. I checked my foot when I got back to the hotel and didn't notice any bleeding and moved on.

The next day, my head was bursting with thoughts. I spent HOURS examining my feet to see if I could find holes. I found a little hole, but noticed that there are little red marks in other parts of my feet, too. I got home from work and spent 4 hours looking at my feet, freaking out because I couldn't find the hole - which means that there was actually an injury and it healed up. I have three months until I can get tested, and I'm freaking out.

I can barely eat, work, hang out with my SO, etc. :(

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Guest Nikki79

I'm so sorry for you I'm in much the same boat one panic to another and I was physically sick yesterday and unable to eat. I wake in the middle of the night with panic attacks. I do hope it gets better for you X

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1 hour ago, californiadreaming said:

An old friend has resurfaced, and I need some guidance

I just typed the following to someone else in another thread, and if I am honest I think the same applies here...
 

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It will let go automatically... when another OCD fixation takes over.  Sadly this is how life will continue if we leave OCD untreated.

So to be happy again, you need to ask yourself 'what can I do to get rid of my OCD?'..... sadly that question is just the start of the long hard road ahead, but it's the right question to start that may lead to an eventual place of being happy.

 

 

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Do you see that spending all that time examine your feet was a BIG compulsion and only served to make your situation much worse?

Do NOT get tested. Put that out of your mind right now or you will go crazy for the next three months.

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Hey PolarBear, you're totally right. Last night (before I read this post) I was able to pump the breaks and realize that this is the same ol' OCD pattern.

I refused to check my feet even though I wanted to so badly, the anxiety was pretty high, but quickly dissipated. I KNEW I wasn't getting anywhere by checking my body, the more I checked, the more uncertain I felt. 

I started putting what I learned in my (expensive) therapy into action the last two days and I'm able to identify the compulsions and feel a lot better. I know I'll get better at recognizing the OCD when it starts instead of catching myself 2-3 days later. 

On a positive note, I would ruminate for WEEKS on an issue, now I'm down to only a few days which is a major improvement. 

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