CBT again

[seekingERPnorthwest]

Hi I'd appreciate some advice on whether to continue with CBT.  A handful of things have perturbed me:

1)Trying to make polite conversation when going to therapy room: as the therapist is also a nurse:

Me: "Isn't it terrible that they've got rid of nursing bursaries?". Therapist: "I don't talk politics".

2) When I asked if she had sufficient time between clients so as not to be too stressed (because I'm a caring person):  "You just worry about yourself and I'll worry about me".

3) When I'd done my best to fill out a worksheet on core values.  "That's not really a core value".

4) She was explaining that things might not be the way I'd interpreted them.  So I began to say that that was what my experience was and she interrupted with "I don't want an argument".

5) I said I'd been to a conference on perfectionism and she said something like "I don't know why you do those things" / making out that doing that (educating myself?) is counterproductive.

6) She asked about my plans for the following week and I said something about my Mum and she said something like "oh, you keep bringing this up..." in a negative way.

7) She talks for a while and then asks for my response and I try to give it, but she is often not happy with what I've said, saying if something, something "you're wasting your time, and you're wasting my time".

8) She makes me do a questionnaire every single time and if the scores have gone down she is "scornful" / negative about it; she has said several times that "maybe I'm not ready" for this therapy...

And also she said "when you get to our age" but she's loads older than me...

Thanks for your help! 

Edited August 5, 2017 by seekingERPnorthwest

[Emsie]

Hi there, 

They'd bother me too. The relationship between client and patient needs to be a positive one and based on trust. This relationship is key for positive outcomes for you. 

I definitely think you should carry on with CBT, it's what you need. But maybe you need to think about changing your therapist, but I'm not suggesting a break in your therapy as a result, just a change in who your therapist is. Just a thought, I'm of course not telling you what you should do.

I'm afraid that I don't have the knowledge on how to go about changing therapists mid therapy and I also don't know if it's possible, but maybe it's something OCD-UK can advise you on if you wanted to pursue it. 

I really hope there's a simple solution to this for you. 

Edited August 5, 2017 by Emsie

[Joshua]

Hi there, 

I'm a long time sufferer of OCD and have partaken in quite a lot of CBT over the last 5 years or so. One of the main things I've learnt in that time is how important it is to have a good relationship with your therapist. It takes a lot to begin therapy in the first place and you should be so proud for making that step. But you need to feel comfortable. I've had therapy sessions where I've felt so uncomfortable that I've wanted to just run out - and when I look back (having since found some really good therapy), I can't believe I went through with it for so long whilst feeling so uncomfortable. Some of the things you mention above have left me completely aghast. It reminds me of an initial CBT appointment I attended a few years ago. I'd had CBT before but moved to a new area so needed to find a therapist that was local. It was the only CBT session I've ever had where I felt like crying. Some of the things you say actually remind me of it. The lady I saw said things like "I only offer pure CBT, so don't expect anything else". And like you, I was made to fill out endless questionnaires whilst she tapped away at a computer. All of which I found made my anxiety even worse.

You've already made such a big step in seeking help and it seems this therapist could be hindering more than helping your recovery. 

Even with therapists I've been completely comfortable with, some sessions aren't always easy. But you should never be made to feel you can't talk completely openly without fear of 'saying the wrong thing'. A good therapist will be happy to listen and encourage.

Having already made the step of starting treatment, I'd most definitely continue with CBT. It can be so helpful and really make a difference. Though I think I'd definitely consider changing therapist. I wouldn't worry about the change happening mid way through your treatment - a good therapist will put you at ease straight away. 

Best wishes, 

Josh

 

[Angst]

Hi. Having rapport with a therapist is Ithink important. And a bedrock of this is possessing a range of social skills. Perhaps the therapist lacks the appropriate skills.  I agree with a good therapist should put you at ease. For instance, with regard to the first two points - the therapist could say something like 'we're here to talk about you ...it's your time' with a smile.

Edited August 5, 2017 by Angst

[legalseagull]

I wouldn't want to have therapy with that person. She sounds irritable and lacking in warmth and social skills.

[PAVLIS97]

Hi,

I believe that whilst on therapy, you must get along well with your therapist. If you feel like that's too much to take in/ she's kind of slowing down the recovery proccess, then a change would be good. Nevertheless, changing means "starting over" (not entirely, but you'll be new to your therapist) so basically it's up to you.

 

Edited August 7, 2017 by PAVLIS97

[seekingERPnorthwest]

Thanks so much everyone for your help