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I can't take this anymore

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so i have an exam this Tuesday and it's important because i might fail a class for the second time. I can't focus to study I'm also discouraged. Moreover, i spend too much time on social media.


yesterday, on my fan account i saw about a fan a year younger than me, i am 21. But she's a pedophile and she writes sexual things about underage celebs and dated a 12 year old. I got so triggered because I'm afraid of being a pedo. I slept well till 9 am and i fell asleep again till 10:30. Meanwhile i saw a dream where i did sth kinky with someone i shouldn't with. I woke up with a feeling on my clitoris, a feeling that comes from joy. I felt so bad. I went to meet a friend i haven't seen for 5 years and we had a good time but all of an sudden while we were eating my heart started to beat fast. She came home w me. I thought that i might hav sexual feelings for her. But i didnt do anything.


At home i tried to study but then i started crying from all the stress. I opened my fan account on twitter and I saw my favorite member of my favorite group. A fan commented that his eyes are red and i then realized it. I love him so much and i don't want hin to be sad. I felt like dying because he's sad and he's sad of fame, i am his fan so i make him sad. I think of suicide a lot today. Please help me. Am i a pervert? Why do i feel this way about a man that will never see me?

Edited by cutebunny

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