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OCD Sufferers - do they think about anyone else?


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Not a criticism at all. As from other posts, our 13 year old son has been diagnosed. We're waiting for referal. In the meantime, we're also paying for counselling. Not sure about the counselling - all we get from her is "it takes time" but no issues seem to be being addressed at all.

Understand that you're not supposed to accomodate behaviour for someone with OCD but thats easier said than done. But how do you do this with a 13 yr old? We've tried to be a bit understanding but hes got worse and worse

At what point do you have to say enough is enough when it starts to have a serious impact on other family members? It came to a head this weekend and he pretty much physically threatened his mother. 

We don't want to do it wrong and make it worse for him but he doesn't seem to be making much effort at all to help himself. He never talks to us and it seems to be the case if I want to do this I will regardless of everyone else. Should be be more firm? Without phsically restraining him its going to be a problem.

He now only use one toilet in the house (we have three). Same with the shower. He asked for anti-bac wipes, and spray. But he goes overboard and literally soaks everywhere. Turns the room into a bit of health hazard. Same with other parts of the house - if hes there he'll soak it with spray. He wont spray and wipe but prefers to leave it wet because he likes it like. Floor, furniture everything. We've slipped on the floor - inc his little 4 yr old sister. He wont put wipes or anthing in the bin - its got go in toilet, fllor wipes, rubber gloves the lot. 

As with the floor soaking we've told him he can't do that. It WILL block the toilet and then he wont have his toilet.

What do we do?

On the subject of his little sister, he is now really mean to turn? Will literally not go within 10 yards of her because he says she "dirty". Shes getting upset because, of course, she doesnt understand.

I suppose OCD is difficult to understand for people who don't have it. Biggest confusion for us is that his bedroom is literally a pig sty (like all teenagers Im sure). Same for his personal hygiene (its not great). In his bedroom he never cleans or sprays or never gets concerned about his own cleanliness. It just when hes in other parts of the house and everyone else cleanliness.

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This is a tough one for anyone in the same predicament.

Regular counselling is not going to help much. He needs to understand what is happening to him, that he van fight it and how. That comes from Cognitive  Behavioral Therapy. That's what he needs.

Yes, you will have to put your foot down. That means no more involving yourselves in his compulsions. First you need to sit down with him and explain why you won't be helping him anymore. The big reason is because it makes matters worse for him. 

How to handle the situation with your daughter: tell him in a matter of fact way that she is not contaminated in any way. His OCD is telling him that she is but OCD lies 100% of the time. Tell him he has to fight that thought by being near his sister.

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Thanks PB. I just wanted to check whether being tough is the right way. But to be honest, I can see no other way.

Wife and I had a chat the other day. Some of the things we can give him a bit of slack to deal with in his own time, but, some, as I've mentioned above pretty much need to stop.

Yes think CBT is needed. I think hes just getting "counselling" but it does seem to cheer him up a bit if nothing else.

With telling me though we've tried. We've tried to be nice and say, look there is really no need to spray the bathroom all the time, like there is no need to wipe it down all the time.Also, that we can't have him leaving it wet because its a hazard and also stuffing everything down the toilet WILL block it. 

Same with his sister. We've said look shes not dirty. He seems a bit strange with this. Most of it seems to be because, in his head, she "touches her bits" which makes it dirty. Must admit I havent noticed. I guess in a way a teenage by may be a but uncomfortable with his 4 year old sister (whos just like a normal 4 year old and doesnt care about being naked etc - probably perfectly normal).

But with these things, we've tried probably 3/4 times - same thing again. Its getting to the point where we're going to have to consider hiding things like the spray etc. Its one thing to not allow him but another to stop him.

H

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  • 1 month later...

Hi I'm new to this forum, my daughter is 15 and has recently spoke out about OCD and anxiety..it's been an emotional eye opener to say the least, I noticed you've said that your son sprays everything so it's soaked well my daughter does the same, every night she has a ritual of spraying her bed with a soapy mixture she'd secretly made to the point of it being soaked and also her floor is soaked ( accident waiting to happen ) I was shocked when I asked her to show me what she does and I said she can't be spraying soap all over her bed so I made her some very watered down antiseptic spray but now she's not just spraying it at night she's spray it on everything even her clothes when I've just gotten them out of the tumble dryer, I don't want her having the anxiety of worrying about her bed being dirty ( it's clean as a whistle) but I don't think I did the right thing giving her the spray. What should I do remove the spray bottle from her room? 

Thank you Sarah 

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Hi Sarah - I agree its tough to know what to do for the best.

Our son was actually using bathroom bleach type spray which is not good. We gave him hand gel thinking well a lot of people use this. Trouble is he then went through a big bottle in about two days and we found he'd been smearing it on the toilet seat and all over.

Odd thing is his bedroom is absolutely filthy (like a normal teenager). His personal hygiene himself is worse. He smells and you've got hassle him to clean his nails. Very strange.

Everyone and everything else he sees as dirty though....

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You've done exactly what we have paul, you think you're doing the right thing but I've read so many articles that state otherwise, I've removed the spray today and I'm now in my daughters bad books, her room isn't filthy but she's not bothered about mess around her bed it's just the bed itself that has to be cleaned, also had the same issue as you with the hand gel! I'm just thinking if I remove those things that she uses for the compulsions then she can't do them and will then have to face up to the anxiety...not sure if this is the right action to take.

yes my daughter sees certain people as being contaminated and she won't hug us anymore..it's difficult but I'm trying to be supportive.

 

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Hi guys, I'm hoping not to speak out of turn so to speak or going to cause you any upset. But being a sufferer myself from a really young age I was a little concerned that you could actually make the situation worse if your not careful and cause more harm than good and I'm sure that is the last thing you are wanting to do. 

Stopping compulsions is best done in gradual exposures under the supervision of a qualified therapist in cbt. Your children are struggling right now and are not behaving this way because they like it, it's because they feel compelled to do it. I realise this must be difficult for you to understand not being a sufferer your self and I totally appreciate how difficult things must be at home. But doing the exposure without understanding the cognitive side can quite often exaggerate the symptoms making things even worse and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do. 

I would try to seek help immediately with a fully qualified OCD cbt specialist, where you can all work together and hopefully as a family start to make progress together. 

Sending you my very best wishes and hope you manage to seek some help soon. 

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So do I just give her those things back? After removing them..

27 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Hi guys, I'm hoping not to speak out of turn so to speak or going to cause you any upset. But being a sufferer myself from a really young age I was a little concerned that you could actually make the situation worse if your not careful and cause more harm than good and I'm sure that is the last thing you are wanting to do. 

Stopping compulsions is best done in gradual exposures under the supervision of a qualified therapist in cbt. Your children are struggling right now and are not behaving this way because they like it, it's because they feel compelled to do it. I realise this must be difficult for you to understand not being a sufferer your self and I totally appreciate how difficult things must be at home. But doing the exposure without understanding the cognitive side can quite often exaggerate the symptoms making things even worse and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do. 

I would try to seek help immediately with a fully qualified OCD cbt specialist, where you can all work together and hopefully as a family start to make progress together. 

Sending you my very best wishes and hope you manage to seek some help soon. 

 

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56 minutes ago, Sare spooner said:

So do I just give her those things back? After removing them..

Hi Sare spooner and welcome to the forum. :) 

No, don't give her the spray and stuff back. :no: You've made a stand, you've (hopefully) explained your reasons (based on what Polar Bear wrote above that her cleaning compulsions just keep the feeling everything is contaminated going longer) and the next step is to stick to your guns and ride out the anxiety with her.

What's going on in her head is the belief that everything she tries to clean is contaminated and unsafe. We're not talking about a stray fearful thought that it's dirty, but a gut-felt, life-or-death, unshakeable, not-open-to-reason convincedness. So when you remove the cleaning tools she'll be scared for sure, she'll probably be angry, she may get abusive, or she may withdraw and refuse to cooperate. Anything goes. But if you can be there for her, show you're on her side and you're genuinely doing this to help her, it will all help a great deal when therapy starts even if you don't feel like it's helping at the moment.

It's important to try to explain you've haven't stopped her cleaning 'because you think it's a problem' to have her bed and clothes soaked. Tell her you've done it because you know that the feeling she has that everything is contaminated isn't real. Tell her you know it feels very real, that you understand she really really wants to clean it, but that - crazy as it must sound to her - the feeling will ease off if she doesn't clean. 

Explain that you're getting help for her and when she starts the CBT she'll understand her fears and feelings better and realise for herself what you're saying is true. 

Same goes for Paul's son (hi again, Paulfoel!) There's a difference between being supportive and allowing OCD to make the rules. Where you draw the line is up to you as parents - but it is the parent who should be drawing the line on what is acceptable and what is too far, not the teenager. They'll hate you for it, but it is for their own good and it's a parent's job is to guide and support, not to be liked at any cost. As for making the OCD worse - it's doing that all by itself isn't it? Getting worse while you watch and wait, fearful of upsetting your children.

You wouldn't stand by and let them inject heroin before leaving needle hazards all over the house, surely?  So why are you standing by and letting them block toilets, wet floors, and leave hazards for other family members? :unsure:

I think these stories demonstrate  just how controlling and demanding OCD can be and how it sucks in the unwary and well-meaning to bend to its will alongside the sufferer. :(  Please don't read this as criticism, i'm frankly in awe of how far you've bent over backwards in the belief you were helping. But before you realise it you're not just aiding compulsions by buying hand gel, but abetting the OCD beliefs by not challenging the abnormality of them and providing a firm guiding hand.

Keep this mantra in mind:

OCD has no limits. It has no boundaries. It will allow the person to put at risk or make suffer even those they love and cherish the most.

The way the sufferer sees it your pain, your frustration is nothing compared to their need to do the cleaning. Nothing else matters in that moment. Regret, shame, guilt, repentance - these can be fleetingly felt afterwards and immediately banished again as insignificant in the face of the overwhelming drive to perform compulsions.

It doesn't help to demonise OCD and I'm the first to remind people they must own their thoughts and behaviours, but from a parent's point of view it can be helpful to view your child as 'temporarily possessed by a demon'.  :taz: Your  loving child is still in there somewhere, heartbroken and hurting over the destruction and mess they are creating, but while OCD rules them this fiercely it suppresses all their normal personality and caring characteristics.

I'm not convinced a private counsellor is going to help, Paul. Counselling is about listening and making the person feel they've been heard and understood, but it doesn't address the person's faulty thinking or behaviours. That's the remit of CBT, and in particular it's the cognitive therapy these two teenagers need asap. Helping them to understand the contamination is a feeling based on a thought, not reality. 

I hope CAMHS get some CBT organised for each of you soon as life will be tough for a while until it gets underway. Paul, you mentioned getting your son to engage in therapy - again, this is partly about parents setting boundaries as well as what he wants. He needs to understand the current behaviour will not be tolerated in the long term and that CBT is his one chance to sort himself out on his own terms before you take hold of the reins and do it for him. Personally I'd start now by saying the toilet is not for throwing contaminated gloves and wipes into. Provide a special bag or bin for the purpose so he has no excuse and make it a rule that doesn't get broken however hard it is for him to comply. 

Remember this isn't a battle of wills with you on the side of normal and them on OCD's side doing 'crazy' things. Your children need to understand they are understandably responding to scary feelings, but that there is a better way to deal with these sort of confusing feelings and beliefs. Let them know that you're on their side and that with your help (and therapy) they're going to discover an alternative way to respond  which doesn't come with the sort of misery they are currently in as the price tag. And which will help them better manage their feelings and experiences in adulthood. 

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12 hours ago, Sare spooner said:

So do I just give her those things back? After removing them..

Hi Sare spooner, sorry for my earlier post, the last thing I wanted to do was cause you upset or cause you any confusion. Im not that good at expressing what I am trying to say. Hopefully I can explain a little better now. 

What I was trying to say was you need to seek professional help as soon as possible, because I don't believe this is something you can tackle on your own. Personally I think it's better tackled, supervised under the guidance of a qualified therapist. I totally agree that you need to stand your ground and take the spray bottle away from your daughter, these are hazardous conditions and can be accidents waiting to happen, same with Paulfoels son, so this is a must. Explaining firstly the reasons behind it and why you feel the need to do it. I didn't want to see you get mistaken that by taking things away or just telling them to stop it and letting them face their fears and anxieties that this would stop them behaving this way, because this doesn't address their underlying issues surrounding their disorder and that's why I felt it important to advise you to seek the help of a professional, who is a cbt specialist, so you can work through this together. I didn't want you thinking by taking things away from your daughter or telling her to stop it that she would just get better. If it was as simple as this it wouldn't be a disorder, we would all be cured and there wouldn't be a need for this forum.

So what I was trying to say in a caring way was to seek help, because I don't think you can do this alone. 

Sending you my very best wishes. 

 

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22 hours ago, Sare spooner said:

You've done exactly what we have paul, you think you're doing the right thing but I've read so many articles that state otherwise, I've removed the spray today and I'm now in my daughters bad books, her room isn't filthy but she's not bothered about mess around her bed it's just the bed itself that has to be cleaned, also had the same issue as you with the hand gel! I'm just thinking if I remove those things that she uses for the compulsions then she can't do them and will then have to face up to the anxiety...not sure if this is the right action to take.

yes my daughter sees certain people as being contaminated and she won't hug us anymore..it's difficult but I'm trying to be supportive.

 

Sounds very very similar to our son to be honest.... Same with the hugging thing?

We havent worked out what to do either. At the moment we;re trying to restrict hand gel. But like I said, the bleach thing, no way can we allow that.

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18 hours ago, lostinme said:

Hi guys, I'm hoping not to speak out of turn so to speak or going to cause you any upset. But being a sufferer myself from a really young age I was a little concerned that you could actually make the situation worse if your not careful and cause more harm than good and I'm sure that is the last thing you are wanting to do. 

Stopping compulsions is best done in gradual exposures under the supervision of a qualified therapist in cbt. Your children are struggling right now and are not behaving this way because they like it, it's because they feel compelled to do it. I realise this must be difficult for you to understand not being a sufferer your self and I totally appreciate how difficult things must be at home. But doing the exposure without understanding the cognitive side can quite often exaggerate the symptoms making things even worse and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do. 

I would try to seek help immediately with a fully qualified OCD cbt specialist, where you can all work together and hopefully as a family start to make progress together. 

Sending you my very best wishes and hope you manage to seek some help soon. 

Lostintime - fair enough. But thats the problem - no one tells you the best way to deal with things as a parent. Its difficult to know what to do.

And I get the gradual thing but sometimes there are others in the house we need to consider. Not sure if I said but hes got a 4 year old sister. Some of the things were just making the environment unsafe. Also the toliet - its been blocked about 8/9 times in last few months - luckily we have 3 toliets in the house. If we didnt crack down on this then we'd all be using a bucket in the garden.

But no I'm not a psychologist so not an expert on the cognitive side. In the ideal world, he'd have seen a specialist and a CBT practitioner by now but we're talking about the good old NHS here. CAMHS referrral - who knows how long? We HAVE been paying for couunsellor to do CBT for months - cost so far is over £300. I've even looked into paying for a private psych specialising in adolescents - £900 !!!! Now £900 is a bit rich for me but some probably cant afford the £300 for a counsellor.

Appreciate you posted with the best intentions but in the real world, a lot of people just have to wait for the NHS. In the meantime, life goes on and things can affect other people in the family.

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16 hours ago, snowbear said:

Hi Sare spooner and welcome to the forum. :) 

No, don't give her the spray and stuff back. :no: You've made a stand, you've (hopefully) explained your reasons (based on what Polar Bear wrote above that her cleaning compulsions just keep the feeling everything is contaminated going longer) and the next step is to stick to your guns and ride out the anxiety with her.

What's going on in her head is the belief that everything she tries to clean is contaminated and unsafe. We're not talking about a stray fearful thought that it's dirty, but a gut-felt, life-or-death, unshakeable, not-open-to-reason convincedness. So when you remove the cleaning tools she'll be scared for sure, she'll probably be angry, she may get abusive, or she may withdraw and refuse to cooperate. Anything goes. But if you can be there for her, show you're on her side and you're genuinely doing this to help her, it will all help a great deal when therapy starts even if you don't feel like it's helping at the moment.

It's important to try to explain you've haven't stopped her cleaning 'because you think it's a problem' to have her bed and clothes soaked. Tell her you've done it because you know that the feeling she has that everything is contaminated isn't real. Tell her you know it feels very real, that you understand she really really wants to clean it, but that - crazy as it must sound to her - the feeling will ease off if she doesn't clean. 

Explain that you're getting help for her and when she starts the CBT she'll understand her fears and feelings better and realise for herself what you're saying is true. 

Same goes for Paul's son (hi again, Paulfoel!) There's a difference between being supportive and allowing OCD to make the rules. Where you draw the line is up to you as parents - but it is the parent who should be drawing the line on what is acceptable and what is too far, not the teenager. They'll hate you for it, but it is for their own good and it's a parent's job is to guide and support, not to be liked at any cost. As for making the OCD worse - it's doing that all by itself isn't it? Getting worse while you watch and wait, fearful of upsetting your children.

You wouldn't stand by and let them inject heroin before leaving needle hazards all over the house, surely?  So why are you standing by and letting them block toilets, wet floors, and leave hazards for other family members? :unsure:

I think these stories demonstrate  just how controlling and demanding OCD can be and how it sucks in the unwary and well-meaning to bend to its will alongside the sufferer. :(  Please don't read this as criticism, i'm frankly in awe of how far you've bent over backwards in the belief you were helping. But before you realise it you're not just aiding compulsions by buying hand gel, but abetting the OCD beliefs by not challenging the abnormality of them and providing a firm guiding hand.

Keep this mantra in mind:

OCD has no limits. It has no boundaries. It will allow the person to put at risk or make suffer even those they love and cherish the most.

The way the sufferer sees it your pain, your frustration is nothing compared to their need to do the cleaning. Nothing else matters in that moment. Regret, shame, guilt, repentance - these can be fleetingly felt afterwards and immediately banished again as insignificant in the face of the overwhelming drive to perform compulsions.

It doesn't help to demonise OCD and I'm the first to remind people they must own their thoughts and behaviours, but from a parent's point of view it can be helpful to view your child as 'temporarily possessed by a demon'.  :taz: Your  loving child is still in there somewhere, heartbroken and hurting over the destruction and mess they are creating, but while OCD rules them this fiercely it suppresses all their normal personality and caring characteristics.

I'm not convinced a private counsellor is going to help, Paul. Counselling is about listening and making the person feel they've been heard and understood, but it doesn't address the person's faulty thinking or behaviours. That's the remit of CBT, and in particular it's the cognitive therapy these two teenagers need asap. Helping them to understand the contamination is a feeling based on a thought, not reality. 

I hope CAMHS get some CBT organised for each of you soon as life will be tough for a while until it gets underway. Paul, you mentioned getting your son to engage in therapy - again, this is partly about parents setting boundaries as well as what he wants. He needs to understand the current behaviour will not be tolerated in the long term and that CBT is his one chance to sort himself out on his own terms before you take hold of the reins and do it for him. Personally I'd start now by saying the toilet is not for throwing contaminated gloves and wipes into. Provide a special bag or bin for the purpose so he has no excuse and make it a rule that doesn't get broken however hard it is for him to comply. 

Remember this isn't a battle of wills with you on the side of normal and them on OCD's side doing 'crazy' things. Your children need to understand they are understandably responding to scary feelings, but that there is a better way to deal with these sort of confusing feelings and beliefs. Let them know that you're on their side and that with your help (and therapy) they're going to discover an alternative way to respond  which doesn't come with the sort of misery they are currently in as the price tag. And which will help them better manage their feelings and experiences in adulthood. 

Cracking post PB :-)

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6 hours ago, lostinme said:

Hi Sare spooner, sorry for my earlier post, the last thing I wanted to do was cause you upset or cause you any confusion. Im not that good at expressing what I am trying to say. Hopefully I can explain a little better now. 

What I was trying to say was you need to seek professional help as soon as possible, because I don't believe this is something you can tackle on your own. Personally I think it's better tackled, supervised under the guidance of a qualified therapist. I totally agree that you need to stand your ground and take the spray bottle away from your daughter, these are hazardous conditions and can be accidents waiting to happen, same with Paulfoels son, so this is a must. Explaining firstly the reasons behind it and why you feel the need to do it. I didn't want to see you get mistaken that by taking things away or just telling them to stop it and letting them face their fears and anxieties that this would stop them behaving this way, because this doesn't address their underlying issues surrounding their disorder and that's why I felt it important to advise you to seek the help of a professional, who is a cbt specialist, so you can work through this together. I didn't want you thinking by taking things away from your daughter or telling her to stop it that she would just get better. If it was as simple as this it wouldn't be a disorder, we would all be cured and there wouldn't be a need for this forum.

So what I was trying to say in a caring way was to seek help, because I don't think you can do this alone. 

Sending you my very best wishes. 

 

Getting professional help is not easy on the NHS. I've tried multiple organisations.... So far all we've seen is a council youth worked. Still waiting for CAMHS. Got an appt with another boyd in a few weeks.

Not everyone can afford to pay for a counsellor though. Dependant on what part of the country you are we're talking £30 per session MINIMUM. 

To be honest, we've found it to be of limited use. Counsellor has been taking a CBT approach. BUT shes told us that she is limited in what she can help him with because he refuses to engage with her at all. It seems hes been telling her what he thinks she wants to hear and making it all up.

Also, no-one helps the families. We dont even know what they discuss in the counsellor session. No-one tells us how we should be dealing with it -the only and best advice has been on this forum.

 

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Hi paulfoel,

I really feel for you. It's a dreadful position to be in as a parent not knowing what is the best thing to do, it doesn't help because families don't recieve any advise or support whilst waiting for therapy either. It saddens me though especially with children that it takes so long to recieve therapy. I'm just a sufferer myself, so im by no means experienced but I just think the sooner they start therapy the sooner they begin to get their lives back on track before it spirals any more. Please believe me I only posted with the best of intentions to advise you to seek therapy as soon as possible. 

I totally understand and agree how difficult it must be for you as a parent because they don't discuss anything of what happens in therapy, nor do they offer families any support either. 

Sending you my best wishes and hoping that cbt therapy will be sorted soon. 

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4 hours ago, paulfoel said:

Also, no-one helps the families. We dont even know what they discuss in the counsellor session. No-one tells us how we should be dealing with it -the only and best advice has been on this forum.

Paul, have you tried contacting Young Minds? Their parent's helpline number is 0808-802-5544 

The charity's webpage and more information can be found at https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/   If you scroll down there's a section for parents. Maybe the teens will find it helpful to browse some sections on their site too. 

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On 29/09/2017 at 19:28, lostinme said:

Hi paulfoel,

I really feel for you. It's a dreadful position to be in as a parent not knowing what is the best thing to do, it doesn't help because families don't recieve any advise or support whilst waiting for therapy either. It saddens me though especially with children that it takes so long to recieve therapy. I'm just a sufferer myself, so im by no means experienced but I just think the sooner they start therapy the sooner they begin to get their lives back on track before it spirals any more. Please believe me I only posted with the best of intentions to advise you to seek therapy as soon as possible. 

I totally understand and agree how difficult it must be for you as a parent because they don't discuss anything of what happens in therapy, nor do they offer families any support either. 

Sending you my best wishes and hoping that cbt therapy will be sorted soon. 

Thanks. Thing is I know CBT is not going to work with him - it'd be pointless. He just will not face up to it, engage or let people help him.

Like I said hes seen a therapist for a while but shes said she can't help because he refuses to engage, ignores her advice, and also lies to her.

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On 29/09/2017 at 21:16, snowbear said:

Paul, have you tried contacting Young Minds? Their parent's helpline number is 0808-802-5544 

The charity's webpage and more information can be found at https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/   If you scroll down there's a section for parents. Maybe the teens will find it helpful to browse some sections on their site too. 

 

On 29/09/2017 at 21:16, snowbear said:

Paul, have you tried contacting Young Minds? Their parent's helpline number is 0808-802-5544 

The charity's webpage and more information can be found at https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/   If you scroll down there's a section for parents. Maybe the teens will find it helpful to browse some sections on their site too. 

Tried them. Pointless.

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9 hours ago, paulfoel said:

Thanks. Thing is I know CBT is not going to work with him - it'd be pointless. He just will not face up to it, engage or let people help him.

Like I said hes seen a therapist for a while but shes said she can't help because he refuses to engage, ignores her advice, and also lies to her.

Don't let it deafeat you, keep trying, there is somebody out there that can help. It wasn't until just over a year ago that I found the right kind of therapist, a cbt therapist who specialises in OCD and this is what your son needs. So please never give up hope :)

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On 29/09/2017 at 21:16, snowbear said:

Paul, have you tried contacting Young Minds? Their parent's helpline number is 0808-802-5544 

The charity's webpage and more information can be found at https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/   If you scroll down there's a section for parents. Maybe the teens will find it helpful to browse some sections on their site too. 

Do you know what Im going to contact them again!

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14 hours ago, lostinme said:

Don't let it deafeat you, keep trying, there is somebody out there that can help. It wasn't until just over a year ago that I found the right kind of therapist, a cbt therapist who specialises in OCD and this is what your son needs. So please never give up hope :)

Cheers lostinme - good news is hes got a CAMHS referral appt for a few weeks time. Looks like the counsellors referral has done the trick.....

Its very frustrating at the moment because we're getting very little help, we're not sure how to handle things, and he really seems uninterested in helping himself.

I just hope we can last until the appt. Things are getting worse on a daily basis and it really is breaking the family apart.

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7 hours ago, paulfoel said:

Cheers lostinme - good news is hes got a CAMHS referral appt for a few weeks time. Looks like the counsellors referral has done the trick.....

Its very frustrating at the moment because we're getting very little help, we're not sure how to handle things, and he really seems uninterested in helping himself.

I just hope we can last until the appt. Things are getting worse on a daily basis and it really is breaking the family apart.

That's great news paulfoel, I'm really pleased for you and your son, hopefully with the right treatment things will start to improve. 

Yes I can understand your frustrations and it must be difficult for you as a parent seeing your son so distressed, but things can improve. I really don't think it's so much your son is uninterested in helping himself, I feel it's more that he is afraid and frustrated, he isn't sure how to express himself. At this young age you really don't understand what's happening in your mind, it's frightening.  Even though to you his behaviour seems totally irrational, to him it's very very real. This is why he needs the right cbt therapist so he can start to understand this disorder. 

Try to be strong, I realise it's difficult for both you and your son, but remember this is not your usual sons nature he is just a little lost and scared right now. 

 

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  • 1 month later...

@paulfoel @Sare spooner Please please if you do one thing read “when a family member has ocd” its amazing and so so helpful to those who love someone with ocd. It not only explains everything but offers advise on helping your loved one and yourself and tackling ocd together rather than it pulling you apart. 

 

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