Non OCD related, breakup.

[GunterVW12]

So I decided to come here to post this because I have gotten such great support with my OCD here and I trust this forum. I am sorry if this is not OCD related. it's long. I am 25 and my ex is 26 for better context.

So my girlfriend for over 2 years broke up with me one night. We went out on a date night and ran into some friends at a bar after dinner. She met these two girls who were strangers to us. They were single and wanted to party up some more. At this time it was around 2 am and we had been out until 10pm. I downloaded a movie that my ex wanted to see the previous night and I told her, I think we should go home, it was late and I had work. She gave me a tough time about it. We took desperate cars there. As we were walking out I told her I'd be waiting by the cars. She continued to talk to the group. I waited 10 minutes then asked her if she was ready. She continued to beg me to come out and I just wasn't up for it. I left for to her house and waited for her. She arrived home at 7 am and expected nothing to be wrong with this. 

We later woke up and I was getting for work. Still upset without receiving an apology, I simply ignored her because I was upset. As I walked out she followed behind me and said, I think we need time apart. I took this as simply another fight leading to not nice things being said but later came to found out that she really did want time apart.

She explained that she was depressed and her life was to stressful and she needed time to find herself again and get right. She said she didn't want to keep hurting me and that she didn't believe she was making me happy anymore.  I explained to her that she did make me happy, I was upset with her actions lately and told her i will be there for her like i lve always been. 

i gave her some space and we managed to meet up at my house one night and she "spent the night"... I hope the quotations tells you what happened that night. She still needed space but we agreed to meet up the following week and have a night together, on a Monday.

 

That Monday came through and I tried reaching out to her and she wouldn't answer. it got late so I told her i was going to come over. When I arrived to her house, all her lights were on, sliding door open, and the place was STILL a mess. Emphasis on still due to her approach in fixing herself and hygiene was big to her. No one was home and I grew worried. I went to local bars to maybe try and spot her car but nothing. I decided to give up and drove home. I ran into some car troubles and my jack broke and I was stuck. I was close by to her house and at the time it was about 5-6 am. I figured she'd be home by now so I called her 1 last time to see if ahe could scoop me up. Still no answer...

 

She texted me later that day and told me that she left her car at a garage and crashed at a friend's. Keep in mind, during this time we talked here and there and we mentioned getting back together under certain conditions and a little more time.

 

At this point I told myself that what I was doing was nuts. The girl that I loved is not working on herself, changing bad habits, or trying to better her situation. She going out to the dawn of day, she's still hasn't picked up her house, and she isn't sticking to her word. I then realized maybe it's time to move on, but I had no closure. 

 

A week or two had passed and I texted her asking her to please, with total honesty, tell me why after two years plus, and you saying you still love me, that we ended our relationship like this. I figured I can give her the space she needed but still have pur relationship in tact. She began telling me that she'd fell unhappy, through text. I then called her up and after 4 weeks I had enough. I told her i wanted to hear her tell me that it was over and we were not going to get back together as a respect to the 2 years and 6 months we shared together. I then offered to come over and pick up my tv and request her to give me the closure I needed in person, because for 4 weeks I have been left in the wind. She hung up on me and continued to text me. Eventually this is what she told me. 

 

she had hooked up with someone a week after we he sex for the last time. She told me she was testing herself to see if she could go through it. She told me she was intoxicated which I think is no excuse, and she told me the first time they hooked up they didn't have sex. 

 

I was devasted... I asked her if she used a condom and she said she didn't want to get intit...which leads me to believe she hadn't. I asked her if I knew him and she said no. She told me that they had been friends throughout our relationship but he never crossed the boundaries. I am 25 and I'm sorry, as a male, I look at that as a load of ****. It had been less then 2 weeks and she slept with another man, most likely without a condom after 2 and a half years, talks about marriage, kids, using my VA home loan on a house  I was utterly disgusted.

 

I finally found my closure and it kills me a little everytime I come across the situation. I'm really using this as a way of expressing myself and advice in how one may perceive this. I feel like I have been stabbed deeply in the back and that I have been in a relationship with a ghost, a stranger that I do not recognise. If she wanted something else, why tell me that she only needed time and give me the hope of getting back together, her words. please any advice or input will be appreciated. 

 

thank you 

 

[Lynz]

Hi Gunter.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. You clearly deserved better than that. You've got closure now though even though it's still upsetting but at least you can begin to move on with your life now.

I would advise you to take some time out for yourself. Go out with your friends, spend time with family, do things that you enjoy and make you happy so you keep busy and distracted. That will make things a bit easier for you. Breakups are never easy but we can get through them.

[OceanDweller]

Hi Gunter. You're well rid. She had clearly decided a while ago that the relationship was no longer what she needed but didn't have the courtesy to be honest with you. As Lynz suggests, move on and live life on your terms. See friends. Have fun. Meet women (you're only 24 after all) and take solace in the fact that folk invariably reap what they sow. Your ex will likely eventually be treated as shabbily as she has treated you. In your shoes, I would take solace in believing (and, you never know, one day witnessing) that.

[GunterVW12]

thank you guys. I will use your words as strength. I received a call from her mom today telling me that my ex has to put down her cat and that if I wanted to come say goodbye I could. i adored the cat but i am going to ignore the offer and i will not be going near her. Last night is was so painful to close my eyes and try to sleep. All I could think about was another man on top of her etc... although I feel bad I won't have the opportunity to say goodbye to the cat, I don't think it will do me any good being around her in that emotional environment. thoughts?